What makes a woman a woman?

Question

I went shopping for a pair of business shoes yesterday and found myself despising the choices. All of them were open toed, shiny white or black styles with heels that seriously could poke out not only your eyes, but also your brains from your nose. The Egyptians would have found them useful. What I really longed for was a sturdy pair of school lace-up shoes. The shop assistant thought I was crazy. I left without buying.

I’ve never touched makeup. I’ll probably poison myself if I tried putting on lipstick. I have only two sets of social clothing – black polo shirt with khaki shorts or white top and white shorts. I only have two pairs of shoes – sneakers and flat black shoes for work.

I hate shopping. I’ve only noticed department stores for two reasons: once when the Hobart Myer store was on fire (literally) or when it has air-conditioning.

I argue I prefer practicality over appearance. What makes me a woman? Is there a particular group I belong to or be classified as?

Gnu Sense - if nothing else has convinced me, your scentific statistics have! Its going to take me forever to get my head around those!

Rio - that's a straight forward answer. But how about those who have a vagina, yet feel that they were meant to be a boy, accidentally in a girls body?

Average-american - nice to see you here! Usually you hang around P&S! Thanks for your compliment about my writing - I tell it like it is.

Answer 1

Sex is defined in various ways.

1. Genetics, i.e. X and Y chromosomes
2. Genitalia
3. Secondary sexual characteristics
4. "Feeling" like one sex or the other, which sounds vague, but seems to be correlated with certain parts of the brain.
5. Behaving in certain ways
6. Being attracted to the opposite sex

When these criteria conflict, we introduce new distinctions. For example, we now all distinguish the sex one is from the question of the sex to which one is attracted. So we speak of "homosexual men" and "homosexual women" and petty much leave #6 out.

We also increasingly recognize that many issues of behavior are generalizations which don't apply to everyone and don't apply cross-culturally. So, we may speak of "gender roles" rather than of sex and ditch #5.

When 3 or 4 clash with 1 & 2, this can lead to much ostracism and turmoil, because our modern culture, with its science-worship, tends to emphasize 1& 2.

1 & 2 can, in fairly rare cases, both yield indeterminate results.

So now people are just beginning to look at the sexes in a more nuanced way.

What you're describing is what people generally call "gendered behavior". You're probably still physically a "normal" woman.

And you don't need to change your values, interests, or goals based on being a "normal" woman. If you consider yourself a woman (and i don't see why you shouldn't), then how YOU behave IS how a woman behaves. just not how ALL women behave.

EDIT

I sympathize wrt shoes. I wear a 14 DDDD, so finding shoes that fit is quite tricky. (I have a few custom made).

Actually, you might consider that! Since you aren't into keeping up with the latest styles, a nice custom made pair of shoes that will last for years might be the right idea!

(I understand most women DON'T go that route because the fashions change so much and the shoes are coordinated with the outfit, but if you're into the basics, that doesn't apply. And a shoe made just for YOUR feet feels SO good!)

EDIT

I didn't say this because I wasn't sure if it was appropriate, but since antimisandry has said it, I'll add my agreement. From your picture, your face is quite lovely and quite feminine and I certainly wouldn't have a different perception of that based on your shoes.

I'd also add that there is a gentleness and thoughtfulness in your interactions on this forum that I would call very feminine.

I didn't mention these, because I thought it was MORE important to encourage you not to feel you must conform at ALL, but to the extent that I DO have certain personal ideas about gender, I would say that you are QUITE feminine.

Answer 2

This question was a lot harder to answer than I originally thought, especially since there are already so many excellent answers.

The obvious answers are the scientific definitions of what a woman is as well as the impact of society on the perceptions of what a woman "should be".

I think there's something more though. The very fact that you thought to ask this question brings up something subtle yet very powerful. Similar to this question might be you asking "What is beautiful?". I say that within each woman is an individual--more personalized--perception of what a woman "should be". Your perception will subconsciously will be compared to society's perception and BOTH perceptions may certainly change over time.

In ancient China, the practice of foot binding on all women was commonplace (except for the lowest class of woman and only because they were needed to work in the fields) for almost a thousand years and, in rare instances, even into the 20th century. Today, such a thing is obviously seen as inhumane but for almost a thousand years that was what a woman was "supposed" to be if you were a woman who'd lived in China and in that time period.

Basic Background Info on Foot Binding
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_binding

So, in answer to your question, your view of what a woman should be will be influenced by society's view and both may change over time and with experience. Because it can change you will sometimes place yourself into this "classification of woman" and sometimes you won't.

When the concepts of "tomboy" or "unladylike" disappear from our vocabulary (which will not happen) is when your perception and society's perception of woman will be completly in sync. But then, also, it would never have occured for to ask this very question! Thanks for asking. It's a great question.

Answer 3

I would blame it on society. They make you think that because you don't want to look like some 5 pound model on the cover of some fancy magazine, then you must not be a woman. This is not true at all. There are thousands of women out there who would rather be more practical over appearance. Hell there are even men would rather go shopping, than go to a football game. It still means that they are a man. Everybody has a few masculine and feminine parts (for example, my friend who is male, shaves his legs + it doesn't make him a woman because he does that. It just means that he likes to be better groomed (I am guessing). So just because you prefer practicality over appearance, doesn't mean you are any less of a woman than what you should be.

Answer 4

Amen! I'm not the only woman who hates shopping.

Anyway, for practical, quality clothes/shoes - that are aesthetically pleasing, try Florence Italy - or anywhere Italy. The Italians have impeccable taste and comfort is their top priority. I have about 30 pairs of shoes/sandals I'm about to donate to charity - all bought in the USA and all of them are like new.

I know I should attempt to answer your question, but that is something you alone can answer (aside from the obvious biological differences between men and women). What makes you a woman, as opposed to a little girl, are those experiences which are defining moments in your life, those that shape your character.

Answer 5

Sometimes I feel very boyish/masculine but I just accept those feelings as part of who I am as a woman. A woman doesn't have to be or act 100% feminine to define herself as a woman. I was born female and I accept it, that I'm a female even if I want to play footy in the backyard with hubby and kids. It's just not an issue.
One day I'll dress up in a pretty & feminine dress, wear make-up and be all lady-like, the next day will be lounging with the boys and drinking a beer with them.

Answer 6

I, too have a hard time finding shoes. Perhaps that's why I don't get obsessed with them. There's not much of a selection in sizes larger than a 10 and I wear an 11. I don't like wearing high heels because it's so hard to walk in them and they really hurt. Besides, I'm almost 6'4" in four inch heels. I don't consider myself to be any less feminine because I often get men's athletic shoes instead of women's. It's easy to find my size and I like colors other than pink and white.

Answer 7

I absolutely hate those opened-pointed/pointed toe types of shoes and heels send me sky-rocketing, as for shopping it's not my favorite sport either.
We are women by the obvious physical things we have, the right chromosones. Still there is more. It has to do with carriage, it's how we carry ourselves, how we walk, how we talk, how we think and understand.
You can say I am a woman yet I hate shopping and those opened-pointed/pointed shoes...and oh don't get me started on .... cause you'll loose an ear....

Answer 8

you are a female (i assume) due to your reproductive and sex organs, but as far as being a woman? that is another question entirely. society at large may classify you as a women due to your biological status of being a female, but the term "woman" is associated with feminine characteristics that include (but of course are not limited to) having "soft" features such as long eye lashes, open and soft looking eyes, smooth skin, visable breast tissue, high(er) pitched voice, wider hips and larger buttocks, rosy cheeks or high cheekbones, inflection in the voice (going up in pitch at the end of sentances, almost in a questioning manner), non-hostile conversations, discussions involving emotions or how one feels about a particular issue or situation as opposed to just the facts.

gender is not just masculine and feminine....i believe we are all on a continum so possibly you are more towards the masculine side or possibly the middle.....a non specified gender, perhaps you do not feel the need to classify yourself.........i say to each their own, although differences are quite interesting.

Answer 9

I would say that if you have the physical parts of a woman you are a woman. Some women just don't like shopping and makeup I guess. I wouldn't worry about what the things you like classify you as and just do the things that make you happy.

Answer 10

Most likely it is your XX chromosome and the hormones shape development prenatally. Everything beyond that is a culture construct that may vary from society to society.

BTW, where do I find more women like you? I wish less woman were so concerned about the latest fashion or having trendy shoes.