How can conditional love be continually perpetuated?

Question

This Question is a follow up to this previous question http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhTLUx4pN8xk4y65Ip8f9NDsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071014113623AAuBnis

In marriage, if both partners are waiting to be loved/respected/served in order to be willing to give love/respect/service, how do these things ever get started?

In other words, if our love is contingent on the love of our spouse and they do not love us first, how will love be perpetuated?

Answer 1

This is something interesting I have learned from Christian circles, aka the biblical teachings.

A person is not the sum total of their circumstances, but their character, and their heart that shapes their responses. When you begin a marriage, you must have a selfless, wholehearted commitment to be a servant... yes a servant to your spouse. Not in ridiculous terms, but I only mean in the sense that you are willing to love them as yourself(we don't naturally do this, folks) and put their interests ahead of yours. If you look at the scriptures about the roles and responsibilities in a marriage, each person is responsible to do their part in love reguardless of how they are being treated. A man is much more likely to treat his wife with love, and kindness with any authority he has when she loves and respects him, tries to meet his sexual and relationship needs. It is the same for the man. If he is gentle, loving and puts her first then she will come to have much more respect for him and try to please him. There is room for misunderstanding, here, when people make hasty conclusions however I do believe that the majority of marital problems are the result of a 'me first' attitude. Marriage is not for those seeking a hollywood romance but for those want something that is worth endurance, patience, and that gets better over time like good wine etc..