My birthday was last Friday, and my husband didn't even acknowledge it, and I know he didn't forget because I reminded him on Thursday. He said, "oh yeah, I forgot to get you anything” I waited all day Friday thinking he would get something while he was out or at work, he works 2nd shift, 3-9. I was a little surprised he didn't get me even a card, or say happy birthday. I wasn't expecting much, cause he's never really gave gifts and stuff because of his culture. We went to bed and after midnight, he said "your birthday came and went” I was a little upset that that was all he said, and it meant he didn't just forget. I said "yeah that's what they do". Like it was no big deal, and it really didn't bother much till today.
2007-10-14 11:21:00 · 32 answers · asked by DeAnna 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just got home from the grocery store with our son, and out of nowhere, he says "I have to go to Mike's birthday party." Mike is a guy he works with and hasn't known very long. I was obviously upset. I asked “just you?” And he said “families too, but Bruce will be there.” (Bruce is another guy from work that no one likes.)
He was just getting ready to walk out the door and asked what I was upset about, and I told him “I don’t think it’s fair that he totally ignored my birthday, but he’s going to his party”. And he just walked out mumbling something.
I have the right to be upset don’t I? It just doesn’t seem right to me.
2007-10-14 11:21:35 · update #1
We have been married 5 years, and it was my 25th birthday.
I have no other family around and the only thing I got for my birthday was a coupon from Hallmark and an email from a radio station...
2007-10-14 11:23:16 · update #2
My past birthdays he has at least given me a card, and sometimes a small gift.
It's not a big deal to not get a gift, he just made me feel very unimportant to him... I hate that i have to come on here and try to get comfort from strangers, but I have nowhere else to go...
2007-10-14 11:30:48 · update #3
His birthday is on Christmas, but I always make sure I get him something special for his birthday too.
2007-10-14 11:32:51 · update #4
He did come right back home, just popped in, still hasn't acknowledged me though
2007-10-14 12:17:44 · update #5
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this sounds So AWFUL for you... you must be feeling so neglected! ... In my work as a counsellor i hear this alot- people neglecting each other, focusing on some other thing outside of the relationship... You must be really pissed!!!
Firstly, i think its interesting that you have to ask yourself "should i be angry" ... "what's this mean for you?" Dont you like being angry?... does being angry do something for you? .. ie in you?... my suspicion (is tht spelt right?) is that perhaps yur husband and yourself may not share your feelings openly and at times avoid conflictual situation (eg: him walking out and huffing something under his breath)... Most people are not real good at openly sharing what they're experiencing (me the least! lol)... its really hard to talk about pain and hurt coz it reveals so many other feelings... this leaves us defensive and so, thus, the best way to work with this vulnerability is to block all incoming and outgoing affect... sadly this leaves us ALL feeling disconnected from those we love and deeply alone and isolated.
What would I Do?
Take a deeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath.
Ask yourself? I wonder if my partner feels neglected from something that has happened recently or earlier in our relationship, and this is his way of telling me... ?(peopleshare their feelings, thoughts and values in lots of different ways)
Share GENTLY with him that yo'd like to resolve the conlfict you feel.
Sit down with each, NO distractions (Safe space) and gently ask him how he feels "we're going"... ask him if he may be angry about anything in the relationship and what he'd like to see change...
Sit with each other. hear each other and try to understand each other...
Try this...
being open relieves anger and stress in a relationship:
KEY: be gentle and kind, be expressive and assertive.
IHS
Stephen
2007-10-14 12:28:14 · answer #1 · answered by Stephen A. W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that seems pretty cold. It's obvious he doesn't feel confortable opeing up, or, and I seriously don't wanna put things in your head because thats wrong, but maybe he lost feelings for you; thats a huge maybe though.
I really don't know what else to say. You told him how you felt and he brushed it off like it was nothing. Like stated above ,either we are dealing with a heartless person ,or someone that has troubles opening up. A matter of fact do this.
See how he reacts with his mom, freinds ,kids-- if you have any-- and anyone else close to him. Does he go all out for his parents, when it's their birthday. The case you said doesn't count because he was only going to a birthday party; if you had one I'm pretty sure he would be there. If he reacts in the same way as he reacts to you, you have your answer.
Good luck
2007-10-14 11:31:53 · answer #2 · answered by Luvon 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok GF, it is time for a reality check.
If you are not important any longer to him, what is?
Are there any signs besides this recent show of his unaffection? When did this start to begin? You
mentioned it is his culture to not celebrate birthdays....
well.... here is the way I see it without all of the evidence...
1) You are like a roommate with fringe benefits to him
2) He has someone else he is either entertaining the
thought of being with or is actually playing around with.
3) A man will take his woman - "pride & joy" with him where
he goes if he is proud to be with you. When he does not
there could be obvious reasons such as:
a) an other woman
b) embarrassing weight or hygiene problems to him that
he sees
c) embarrassing jealousy rages or talking down to him in
front of his co-workers and friends from his wife
d) or just a jerk in general wanting to play like he is single
to all the women around..... no other reason than being
selfish
If any of the above is hitting the spot to you talk to him about your feelings and concerns. If you do not get it under control now it will never be and your relationship will eventually end with your self image being destroyed. If he is willing to work it out with you then you are safe. If he is not, do not waste your time on hoping he will change his mind. Take it from me, I am the woman who was in your shoes that looked to the nines, perfect weight, was sweet, bent over backwards to please him and wasted ten years of my life doing so. I realized how insane it was for me to stay in the relationship when I wanted to end my life. I was crushed mentally and verbally. I did not see who I really was any longer; I finally woke up one rainy day when I seriously considered driving into the lane of a semi where I knew I could end it all. My self image was trashed and I had hit the bottom and wanted to give up on living at that time in my life. Trust me you are worth all of the dreams you have had for yourself and then some! Save your dignity, self image and do something about your situation. Talk to him, if he is not ready to work on the things you see as not being right then move on. It has been eleven years from the day I walked away and I am a strong woman that has my dreams that I am working on and dignity that I deserve. So can you, be strong for your sake.
2007-10-14 12:06:35 · answer #3 · answered by Plittle 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG. Why don't you just put a door mat on your back and let him walk over you??? That is NASTY stuff. He is a jerk off from h e l l and I wouldn't take it. I recognize his attitude in a guy I used to know. See what he's doing is training you not to expect anything from him, so he can get out of it in the future. That is some bull cr@p. I think he deserves the icy cold shoulder until he comes up with something, anything, that acknowledges your bday.
The fact that he went to his friend's birthday sums it all up for me. I'd be waiting with a frying pan when he got home. Honey, grow a spine and get that man into shape!!!!
2007-10-14 11:26:36 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Happy Birthday to you!!!!!! Of course you have a right to be mad, and you don't have to justify your feelings to anyone. What does he expect when HIS birthday comes along? Make sure he gets what he gave. See how he likes it. Take the time to go out and not be home when he gets back. Take yourself out for your birthday, and put a dent in the checking account. That should make you feel better! I am taking my own advice as I type, but go out and make some friends, find out what everyone else is doing out there in life, you just might find that there is someone out there better suited to your needs.
2007-10-14 11:33:07 · answer #5 · answered by lindaweathersbysmith 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right in the world to be upset. Your husband sounds like a very self centered person. You didn't say what his culture was but what ever it is it doesn't give him the right to treat you like you don't matter.Don't make excuses for him. He sounds like a jerk. This should be a giant red flag for you and you should maybe start taking a closer look at your relationship with him. You don't have to be treated like that. This is 2007 not 1907. Your feeling do count.
2007-10-14 11:33:27 · answer #6 · answered by lost4261 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I for one would be IRATE.
What is it about men....they have selective memories!
I don't think it's so much that he forgot, it's that he just doesn't give a sh*t.
The fact that he went to his co worker's birthday party is just like salt in an open wound.
I would probably flip out on him. You are already being calmer and more understanding about this than I could EVER be...
Happy belated birthday!!
2007-10-14 16:05:58 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. GTO 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear that. HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY!! my philosophy which may be right or wrong, is if they don't change from listening to you, then you do the very same thing to them. on his b-day, be lame. as for now, call some of your gf's and tell them you need to go out to celebrate your b-day and get all dressed up and go out, have just a little too much to drink and get home late. then if he has a problem with it, you tell him you had to do something for your b-day since he didn't care to, and drop the subject. no more discussion. don't waste your energy. and what comes around goes around.
2007-10-14 11:29:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about mad, but I'd be really hurt.
Happy birthday, dear. All I can suggest is sitting down in an unaccusatory manner, and just talking about your feelings when that happened. He can't dispute your feelings.
This might get you started: "When my husband ignores my birthday, I can't help but feel unloved and unappreciated. It really hurt. When you're able to remember a new guy friend's birthday and go to his party, that only makes it worse."
2007-10-14 11:25:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Of course you have the right to be upset. If he can worry about someone's birthday party that he hasn't known very long, he should damn well worry about you on your birthday. He is your husband, he should make you feel special and appreciated. That was your day to enjoy and he took that away from you. Very selfish if you ask me. HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY! Sorry it wasn't special like it should have been!
2007-10-14 11:33:05 · answer #10 · answered by Hot_Momma 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋