I took care of his kids, his home. He lied to me even when I caught him. Why am I so dumb?

Question

My fiance and I broke up, he got my dining room suite, washer dryer, my living room suite, (witch belonged to my late sister in law.) he got my computer, household items. I feel like I have been violated. I am embarased that I let him do this to me. He was always on MY computer and I found he was writing to other women.
How long will it take for me to get my self esteem back? I feel like such a loser.

You guys have been so wonderful, all of you, thank-you.
I wish I could give you all best answers, they were all great.
Would you guys pick? Thank you again.

Answer 1

Use it as a learning experience. Don't ever move in with someone unless you are married.

Betrayal hurts alot, and you will get over it. I was married for 15 yrs. Talk about hurt and betrayal, and I am learning to trust again, but it takes time and telling yourself daily that it wasn't your fault and you are worth it...worth more than the way he treated you.

Your best revenge against him is a life well lived. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he wrecked your life. Go out and be happy and let him see you being happy. That'll teach him.

Answer 2

Wow, hun I'm sorry. He sounds like a real jerk. Even during a divorce a kind and reasonable person wouldn't try to take advantage of their ex that way. Did you have a lawyer? Did you get anything in the split? If you didn't than oh well right....what's done is done. Pick up what you have and start moving forward in life. Don't dwell on what happened, just focus on yourself, your friends, your job, and maybe even take a vacation with a girlfriend or something. Divorce is such a hard thing for anyone to go through, but try to remember that now you have a chance of finding REAL happiness. Good luck!

Answer 3

Dear Marisia,
Don't be too harsh on yourself.
He'll get his comeuponce.
You're only guilty of loving, with your heart. And can one be guilty of loving too much? I don't think so.
There will come a time, when he'll be regretting all the pain he caused you.
He just wasn't worth your time or your love. So, don't worry.
Time is a great healer, and in time you'll get yourself sorted and will meet the man for you.
I am positive that he'll get what he deserves.
In fact, you've been lucky not to have got married to such a loser.
the Material is nothing without the right person to share it with!
xxx

Answer 4

don't feel like a loser but rather as a victim and be glad that you never married him. One thing that may help you to get your self esteem back is to go about getting those things back or a lot of money for them. Did you move those things into his home when you were going to get married? You may be able to get documents that show those things were yours, or possible people who can testify that they were, and ask the police to accompany you as you go to get them back from the house to see if they will do that for you. If not,
you should see an attorney, since many do not charge for a consultation, about suing for the value of those things, and there may even be other things they can think of as well.
Mostly though, just realize that you trusted him and he probably only wanted a baby sitter, and do not trust as easily next time. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 5

Ok here's my 2 cents:

1) Call Judge Judy.

2) Count yourself lucky that he only took your stuff. He didn't hurt you physcially, and you can only give away your self esteem. Once bitten, twice shy. You'll learn from this.

3) Try to call a few friends and celebrate that he's gone. You are sooooooooooooooooo much better off without him.

Don't forget to call Judge Judy. She'll get your stuff back. God bless the justice system.

Answer 6

First, stop referring to yourself as a loser or dumb. You are neither, but if you continue to refer to yourself as such it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You need to say and think positive things about yourself. Also, if you have lost these items to him, you have to find a way to just let go of even thinking about them. If there is a way, though, that you can get them back, do so. Because you weren't married, there are not legal issues related to dividing up your things. If you allowed him to have those things, either get them back or chalk it up to craptacular experience and move on. Okay, material things can be replaced, the heart and self esteem are another matter.

People who lie to us when we love and trust them really really mess us up, that is not about you being dumb...love is about trusting people. This guy sounds like a real piece of work and his actions will come back to haunt him. What you need for yourself is to move on. Easier said than done, I know I know believe me I know. But do what it takes to do that and do it in a way that supports you feeling good about yourself.

Take a class in something fun. Join a book group or some kind of activity group that you enjoy, something you love or have always wanted to try. Start your own daily mantra 'i'm beautiful and strong. i'm beautiful and strong' whatever works for you. it can feel silly at first, but eventually it kicks in and it's amazing how much it helps you change your self image. do little things for yourself that make you feel good, like a pedicure or a movie or a good book...something just for you. get a counselor if that is something you can and want to do. Find something to do or someone to call when you start getting down on yourself or start thinking about him or the things he took from you...redirect your energy, don't put any more into him.

Being lied to is not your fault. Giving of yourself and your things...these are things we do because we love people and want their love in return, don't beat yourself up. Be a better person than he is, don't let him pull you down, move on and be the beautiful strong person you are or can be...

blessings to you.

Answer 7

you are not dumb, you were just in love.

to get yourself esteem back depends on you.

you have to constantly remind yourself that you are a good woman and that you deserve much better in your life.

don't fear being judged by others (especially other women) because when it comes to love, we have all made mistakes and fell short.

it hurts because you never imagined that it could happen to you. wipe away the tears and know this, things come to light before we make the biggest mistakes of our lives. just imagined if you married the fool and lose much more.

so get up, you are beautiful and any man would be happy to be with you.

Answer 8

Look forward and not backward. Just ask yourself what you did to let him make you feel this way and never do it again. Let him be someone else's problem. Material things can be bought again, but happiness and self esteem are more important.

Answer 9

you are definitely not a loser sweetie just blinded by love. you loved him more than he loved you. he was in it for the ride and the things that he could get from you ontop of the sex, your money, and caring for the kids. you need to chop this up as lesson learned and move on sweetie. you can get all those material things back and more. dont continue to allow him to have control of you and your life. cry, party, do whatever you need to do and than snap out of it and get yourself together. you need to be around family and friends at this point in your life. you need to know and believe that you will find Mr Right and that he will be all that you need and want and he will love you for who you are and not what you can do for him. he was not the one for you. you deserve much more and better than this LOSER. GodBless

Answer 10

marisa, Sweety my xwife did pretty much the same thing ! Only I lost my head and wrecked my motercycle. That was 22 years ago and now I am permanetly disabled. So darlin just let it go and move on ! I will say a prayer for you !