Husband trouble?

Question

Married 18 years. One child, who is 7. Husband stopped worked 3.5 years ago and won't get a job. I am able to support us, but barely. My child is going to have to go without and he won't work. I told him to leave and now he's living in a continous stay hotel at a cost of twice our mortgage. He has no way to pay. i've given him two weeks, till I shut off the money. Is this fair?

he has worked full time the first 20 years that I've known him. He had some health trouble, 3.5 years ago and has recovered, 2.5 years ago.

No alimony here. he's capable of working -- but won't. Is he depressed? Yep! He did manage to tell me that I married him and that he's never been different. I wonder. Does going to work every day for 20 years, (including our courtship) and then stopping for 3.5 years, seem like someone who is the same?

Answer 1

More than fair.

Answer 2

Obviously for financial reasons you need to shut off the money if it is going to impact on your child's welfare.
You mention that he is depressed. Real depression is an insidious illness and people with the condition need support and medical help. Just a question, without judgement on your own situation: if the roles were reversed and you suffered long terrm depression, would you need him to support you (emotionally and financially).
The fact that he worked for 20 years and then stopped due to illness and hasn't gone back, although he is capable and aware of the fallout, indicates he probably has depression.
Perhaps, before you end it all, you should try and get him some treatment. He is the man you married in sickness and in health, so you owe it to your marriage vows to do everything you can.
If you have already done that and you are 100% certain there is nothing else you can do, time to bite the bullet and do what is best for your child and yourself.

Answer 3

first of all why did he stop working? was it a medical issue? Well if he want to lived in a continuous stay hotel, why should you foot his hotel bill? Sorry, that is a bill that you alone can't afford and he should realize the financial burden he is place on you. If he become dis-interesting in his family welfare then he have real big problem. How long have he been living at this hotel? He been living there too long according to my books. I wouldn't give him two weeks matter of fact I wouldn't give him another day, he been there long enough and he should get off he dead rear end and find a job. You have been way too far fair to him. He should stay at home and work around there, rather staying at some hotel.

Answer 4

Beyond fair. You have been paying for him to live somewhere else. That is more than I would have done. I would have helped him with the first week and left him to his own after that. You have been enabling him to continue with his lazy lifestyle by paying his bills. If I were you I would cut him off now. Your son deserves the money that your husband is sucking out of you. Tell him that you have changed your mind and that you are done paying his way. Then go find a lawyer and get the divorce going. He is a deadbeat and is not going to change anytime soon. Good Luck

Answer 5

You are more generous then id be...cuz i woulda cut off the money right away..he doesn't freakin earn it and if he wants part of your then he needs to get off his butt and make some money so then you can have part of his..it is supposed to be a team...kick him to the curb now all you are doing in condoning his behavior and if you get a divorce you will have to end up paying him alimony because you have been supporting him..i think that's how it works not positive though

Answer 6

Come on, you kick him out then still support him??????????
Get a clue hun, as soon as he hits that door you should have cut that money off. If you're done with this guy, get divorced. How can you take him back, look at all the debt he brings back to your household if you do? In most states once you file for divorce you are no longer responsible for what bills he racks up. If you're done file fast and check with the lawyer on that. Good Luck

Answer 7

Sounds like hubby may have mental problems, like depression. Has he been treated? If he gets shut off, what will he do?

With divorce, you may still end up paying him alimony since you have been the bread winner for 3 1/2 years now. Still, it's worth talking to an attorney.

Answer 8

My husband of 23 years had everything that I could give him to make his dreams come true and still wasn't satisfied. He wanted all that I offered and a woman on the side. I was the last to suspect and thought he was just going through a midlife crisis so I stood by him for another year after he moved into the bedroom across the hall. It has been eight years since I divorced him and truly opened my eyes to the selfish man whom I helped to create. He couldn't trat me poorly unless 'I' allowed it.

Answer 9

I believe you should consider your child first, yourself second and your husband third. My ex-husband quit working, too, but I didn't give him that long to come around. We both went into counseling together, but I soon realized that he had no intention of doing anything until he was forced to. I filed for divorce as soon as I was sure that was the case. He changed his attitude quite soon after the divorce was final and started looking for work. I've always been satisfied with my choice because I felt I did everything I could to change things before divorcing, without compromising myself. Once I felt sure that he wouldn't change on his own, I decided not to enable him any longer. You don't really do someone a favor by making it possible for them to continue that kind of behavior, and you certainly don't help yourself and your child either.

Answer 10

More than fair, if the situation actually plays out as it reads here.

Three and a half years with no job? Was he paralyzed or mentally incapacitated at his previous job? Why did he quit working (fired? hated it?)...has he ever tried to convince you not to leave him, or...???

There are too many questions still unanswered for me to be able to give sound advice. If it happened as you say, and he just suddenly quit caring and refused to work (leaving you to do it all AND putting your child at risk), cut off his money now.

There are too many variables and blank areas in this question to give a thorough answer.

Answer 11

No, it is unfair to your child first off and then to yourself. Your husband should be supporting you and his child. Cut the support to him today. 3.5 Years was way to long to allow him to live under the same roof able bodied and not working. He is not a man, he has become your second dependant. Stop supporting him and safe for your future.