sleep in seperate bedroom?
A few years ago I became a realtor - home after 10pm some nights - so not to distrube my husband - who left for work at 4am - I start sleeping in the quest bedroom. After a while, we both got comfortable with this, thus, it continues to date.
A friend found out a few months back, and she been getting on my last nerve with her "why you two not sleeping together?" questions, in most of our conversation. Last night I got fed up and told her off, perhaps not too nicely.
Should I apology? I may have lost a friend, but I just don't understand her obsession with this.
Your thoughts please. Thanks.
2007-10-14 07:07:44 · 28 answers · asked by Gem 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Absolutely DO NOT apologize. Your "friend" is WAY too intrusive in your personal life. You have no reason to expect yourself to be understanding of somebody else's obsession and rudeness. She's nosy and she deserved to be told off.
Hubby and I recently started sleeping separately. We love it because we can now both rest. It has nothing to do with our relationship IN ANY WAY, it's some peace and quiet and assured rest at night. But some people equate separate sleeping as "trouble in the relationship" ALSO, none of their business. I think you did the right thing. It'll be interesting for you to see how she copes from here on out with being told off.
The ball is in her court. She's the one who needs to apologize.
2007-10-14 13:45:47 · answer #1 · answered by autumlovr 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why not tell you "friend" that if she is so worried about your husband sleeping alone, then perhaps she can replace you & stop worring about it. Some people just don't get it. If you have a good relationship, then where you sleep should have no effect on it. Having disrupted sleep will most certainly ruin it! If I had kept sleeping in the spare bedroom, then I just might still be married. I did so for different reasons...I found out that he was sleeping (having sex) with my "best friend"! Unfortunately, I had confided far too many intimate secrets with a woman who turned out to be my enemy. It worked out, because she slept with any man who was married & my husband wasn't happy that that type of a woman. I don't think you should apologize to her...you might want to look yourself in the mirror & apologize to yourself & think about why this is bothering you so much. You may have just exposed your friend for some hidden agendas & now you must deal with it. Ouch. Everything happens for a reason. I hope that you can talk to your spouse about this without further problems. Afterall, who is more important to you...him or her? Sometimes choices are hard to make. Enjoy!
2007-10-14 15:26:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's really none of her business. Perhaps you shouldn't have told her in the first place?.....Anyway, my (ex) husband and I starrted sleeping in seperate rooms because he couldn't sleep at night & I was the breadwinner, so I needed my sleep to support us both. (This was not the reason for the divorce). I'm in the opposite postion now. I've been living with someone for 4 years.He's working & I went out on disability last year. I don't always sleep well, so I'll come out in the other room & "play" on the computer or read until I feel sleepy enough. I have meds, but I don't want tp use them on a regular basis. He knows if I'm not there. I'm in the next room. He also knows that I do this out of respect for him.
2007-10-14 14:20:58 · answer #3 · answered by shermynewstart 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your friends comments were out of line, and so to was, perhaps, your reactions to them... chill out, take a few days away from each other, call her and apologize for goin' off. She already knows not to go there again, and this is NOT a reason to lose a friendship. Friends are just too hard to come by. IT is annoying when others try to impose their relationship values on others, but it is just a fact of life...everyone has all the answers! IF it were me (it is not), I would do as suggested. IF she does not accept the apology, then the friendship was going downhill anyway. Don't expect an apology from her, it ain't gonna happen, but just let it go... compared to other things in life, this is a wee matter. Good luck and peace. Goldwing
2007-10-14 15:26:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is so off base for even daring to go there. Sounds like she is inviting her opinion into your sex life rather than your health or comfort. A real friend would not even offer and opinion unless asked.
No apology due. But if you truly value the friendship and can tolerate her nosiness and opinion sharing then by all means word it so you are not back tracking with an apology. Say something with a smile or a laugh that shows her opinions don't affect you. Sounds like too much trouble to me but we all have at least one friend we cut a tremendous amount of slack.
2007-10-14 14:23:40 · answer #5 · answered by Southern Comfort 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You do not owe an apology. Your friend was out of line asking you such a personal question. If this comes up again ask why she is asking. My husband started sleeping in the other room when I was very sick and coughing all night. This went on for three weeks and he liked the other bed better. This lasted until we moved and had a king size bed which we shared. It was no big deal. And it was nobodies business, but our own.
2007-10-14 14:58:31 · answer #6 · answered by curious connie 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Health and sleep issues keep us apart here. In fact, I 've given up the bed altogether and find that I'm most comfortable in the recliner...less stress on my back. Doesn't mean that my husband and I don't love each other...and it doesn't mean that we don't enjoy "little visits" here and there.
I just let you in on something personal willingly. You're friend has no right getting into your personal life, unless invited.
Actually, I think she's the one that should apologize...and if she's a true friend, she'll recognize that she stepped over the line. I hope she comes to realize this. Friendships don't give us the right to have our noses where they shouldn't be.
2007-10-14 15:14:05 · answer #7 · answered by night-owl gracie 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I remember noticing "old People" sleeping in different bedrooms when I was young. I thought they'd fallen out of love and were no longer happy.
It is morning for me now. My husband snores and I wiggle all night. We want the other to get rest. Now, I've seen the light on this weird phenomena of "different bedrooms".
You may've been too harsh with her so yes apologize for your attack. Then just tell her why.
Use me as a reference! Blessing Juju
2007-10-14 15:35:32 · answer #8 · answered by Ju ju 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't apologize for your answers to her. If you must apologize do so for the tone of your voice. You want the message to remain intact.
Sleep where you want. Personally you might try giving it a shot to get back into the same bed together. But truly, how does your husband feel? That's should be the final deciding voice.
2007-10-14 15:05:36 · answer #9 · answered by Tinman12 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if she is a good friend, by all means. That was a personal question that she asked. I hope you both can reconcile. Life is too short to be angry and unforgiving. If she does not accept your apology for the way that you answered her, you did your part and can sleep well.
Separate bedrooms are more common than you think.
2007-10-14 14:18:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋