We both work but on his day off he does nothing, on mine I do housework.I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing attempt decorating and even atempt DIY. I have tried the 'do nothing and let him do it' approach' and also shouting and screaming but he just says i'll do it later and it never gets done. I have also tried leaving everything to push him into doing his share and that didn't work either; the dishes just piled up and so did the dirty washing and un-ironed pile of clothes just stayed there, he'd even put on creased jeans so that didn't work! He seems quite happy to just live like a pig and I can't live that way. Please help! We have been together for 3 and a half years and lived together for ten months and I can't take anymore. What can i try next?
2007-10-14 07:02:33 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have to agree with the one that says why does he need to as he has his own personal maid... and probably benifits on the side. he's not going to change, no matter how you phrase it so it's a learn to live with it or leave it scenario.
2007-10-14 07:14:33 · answer #1 · answered by chameleon_.geo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Carol makes a good point. Some men where not raised to do anything. And you can not change them! You will be upset and hurt most of the time if you attempt to try. When you cleaning ask him to help and give him directions (like a kid) Can you please put this pile of clothes away? Trash is tomorrow it needs to go out before we go to bed? It drives me crazy to do all the work-and the other half thinking there being helpful. However, you have to ask yourself if it is worse than a divorce and do you love this person more than anything. To overcome the negative emotions you have to remind yourself of all of the good he brings to the relationship and the happy times. If there's not that many happy times, it could be that he's really just not worth your time and effort.
2007-10-14 09:11:48 · answer #2 · answered by Daz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never withhold sex to solve an unrelated problem. Most young men are slobs, so what you think of as dirty is spick and span for him. If you can't communicate on a personal level in a calm manner and come to a compromise, then consider ending the relationship. "Do nothing" is not communicating any more than "shouting and screaming". But you might try just washing your clothes and let him wear his dirty jeans for a few months.
2007-10-14 07:16:15 · answer #3 · answered by Paul M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look MOST MEN DO NOT CLEAN. the first poster, DO NOT DO THAT.
I bet when you guys first moved in together you were cleaning all the time? But it was cool b/c you were "nesting" See what you started?
You may not be ready for this. good thing you are not married... BTW if you cannot stand that he does not clean the house and ya'll only been living together 10 months, think about what will happen when you get married? Do not marry unless you can look pass it.
Good luck
2007-10-14 07:15:20 · answer #4 · answered by lynnn30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL, sounds just like mine. Point is, I knew he was a pig when I met him. All I had to do is see his apartment. Clean to him was having a path from the door to the futon, bed, toilet and refrigerator.
I know he will not on his own accord or with hint dropping clean anything, because to him it's always "clean". Regardless if we have trash falling over the edge of the trash can, no clean glasses etc, etc.
So I simply just ask. Can you sweep the living floor for me? Men and woman tend to have different views on what's clean. It doesn't make them inconsiderate, just pigs.
If he doesn't do it at all after saying he will, stop with the power struggles. Cook for yourself, clean for yourself. If he is truly inconsiderate, stop making yourself nuts and either accept him as he is, or move on.
2007-10-14 07:14:58 · answer #5 · answered by Carol T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide whether this is a deal breaker or not. Are you ready to marry this man knowing this? Otherwise, consider moving out and moving on.
God bless my mom for many things, one of which is that she trained her three sons to be helpful around the house. She saw what the future held with two-paycheck families.
2007-10-14 09:48:53 · answer #6 · answered by Bob T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do your washing n stuff,do your self meals just for you n then you only have your dishes,i think when he is going to work in stinky clothes,and gotta do his own cooking im sure he will wake up,,,if not i think you should get your own place where you can do what and when ever you want,xxxx
2007-10-14 07:18:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you can try next is move out. If he can't be considerate enough to help out now....can you imagine your work load if you happen to have kids? Both myself and my gf work and I always help with the dishes, vacuuming, laundry or whatever. I don't expect her to work all day and for me to sit and her to serve me. Give him the boot...you'll be happier.
2007-10-14 08:42:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
one question - why should he do any work around the house ? he has a live in maid not a girlfriend..and the best part is ..he doesnt have to pay for it...move out..why has it take 3 yrs for you to figure it out....find a real boyfriend that shows you some respect not a child that wants you to mother him
2007-10-14 07:11:30 · answer #9 · answered by k-rozz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do a chore chart and with hold sex until he complies. If that don't work have nervous break down and see what happens. You could always get one of your hot guy friends to come over and help you out (in front of him of course) topless!
2007-10-14 07:08:39 · answer #10 · answered by bluebutterflylauran 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋