My husband Family do not believe me!?

Question

I am pregnant 4 months now and everytime I go visit his family the mom asks me, how is the baby doing? I told her the first time that my husband said that my butt was getting a bit bigger.. she said ... "no it's too early for that". I took that as she did not believe me.. so I let it go. Despite other comments she and her daughter have done in the past. Then the other day she asked me again about the baby, I told her my back was hurting and that my legs by my hips are getting numb... and she said "no it's too early for it to hurt". This time is was in front of my husband. I told her that my friend's back and legs were same way, its as if they believe I am being a big baby and feel so disrespected. My husband did not say anything.. I know he believes me but he thinks his mom only knows the pregnancies she had and bases her knowledge on that, but why ask if she is not going to believe me? I find it so rude. Plus, I can tell that they talk about me, call me crazy but it takes

but it takes a woman to know woman and I can tell that they are talking about me and how I am probably faking it.. I don't know what to do.. and me and husband argue becuase I don't feel his support. Please advice.. thank you!

Answer 1

When she asks how the baby is doing reply, "Fine, thanks." This way she can't continue to tell you that you're feeling the wrong things. Every woman is different and will experience things in pregnancy differently. I can understand why this is annoying you, but something like this shouldn't cause arguments between you and your husband. She is being rude, but more than likely she's basing it on her own experiences while pregnant. Good luck!

Answer 2

In-laws...can't live with them and can't shoot them! Next time she asks about the baby just say, "The baby is fine" don't comment on anything else because obviously it isn't going to matter what you say. How long ago did your mother-in-law have her last child? If it was over 6-8 years ago then she has probably forgotten a little. The more time passes the more we forget little details and the aches/pains that go along with pregnancy. Just like every time someone tells a story the details may change.

I understand the emotional support a pregnant woman needs, but men don't often realize how much support is actually needed. By telling him how you feel about his mother and sister and what you think they may be doing or saying behind your back, is only going to make him upset and drive a wedge between you. No matter what he is still Momma's little boy and nothing is going to change that. When you feel upset and you need to talk about these feelings, call a friend or message a friend. Tell them all about it..get it off your chest. Just don't do it loud enough for your husband to hear you complain because he'll feel like you're rubbing it in his face.

Good Luck and Best Wishes

Answer 3

Dear Marcia,
I don't feel that any harm was meant by your Inlaw's comments. althoough, I KNOW that at times, Inlaws can be "outlaws", when they have "been there.....done that". I'd say though, concentrate on you, the baby and your Husband, because well meaning Inlaws think they're helping, but try not to worry about what they say. I'm sure they aren't gossiping about you; you are a little sensitive right now bcuz your hormones are constantly changing due to the changes going inside of you, the baby growing and that.
Also try to keep in mind that with women every pregnancy is different, say for you it's your hips and back hurting you, etc. noone can say these symptoms are "too early for". Probably your "Mom-in-Law" didn't have these same symptoms in her days of childbearing, or, could be it occured later on for her, then again maybe these weren't an issue for her! that's why I say that pregnancies affect every woman differently.

Here's something, with my first Daughter in 1980, every single day I experienced "Morning sickness" , only at night!!!! I had known from hearing from other Moms-to-be that not all get the morning sickness. see? It is a common symptom but not every woman gets the same ailments that go along with pregnancy.
My second child, I had temporary morning sickness, then with my last, no morning sickness at all but I had the back problems in my 4th month also. so the thing is, it VARIES with each individual woman and can occur at ANY time!

when you say your "backside" is bigger, it's not necessarily bigger, it's that you basically "swell" all over your body which is normal.

People are going to say what they will. you know your own body, after all. maybe from now on you shouldn't discuss your feelings around anyone, only your Hubby. tell him what I told you, that every pregnancy effects each and one of us differently, and not all women get all the same symptoms. Ask him to "side" with you when it comes to his family so that you can feel more secure about your feelings and what you're going through early in your pregnancy.

Be well, and take care!

Answer 4

Ok, so here is my suggestion for you. When she asks how the baby is doing, don't respond with your physical symptoms of the pregnancy. Respond with something like, "I went to the doctor (on Monday or two weeks ago or whenever you went last), and the doctor said that everything seems to be going just fine with the baby." This will answer her question politely and you won't be setting her up to make a snotty comment about you.

Also, if you feel that she doubts your pregnancy, when you get your ultrasound done, get the printed page with the pictures. Then make some copies and give them to her and some other family members in little frames or cards. Try to find something that says baby's first picture or make your own. I've heard of a lot of people doing this recently, so it wouldn't be totally weird of you to do it, it would be the trendy new thing.

Answer 5

Obviously, you are caught in a typical marital conundrum. Your female in-laws for some reason do not think you are good enuff for their son/brother. This likely has nothing to do with you. People like this don't think anyone is good enuff. It is hard to be in your position, but if your husband does not stick up for you, this may eventually ruin your marriage. Every pregnancy is different. I have 4 kids and never had morning sickness. Others know they are pregnant before the test because they get sick every morning. As muscles begin to adjust and your hormones change preparing to support and eventually deliver your baby, you may experience all sorts of little aches and pains. Round ligament pain is quite common in the 4th month. Many early aches and pains subside as your body adjusts, only to be replaced later on by different aches and pains. Over all the first pregnancy is the hardest because you don't know how your body is going to react, what to expect, and because you've never experienced it before. I strongly suggest childbirth classes for you and your husband. Then he will know what you're saying is true. The two of you will also be prepared for a calm and happy delivery. Enjoy your pregnancy. When older, you will look on it as among the happiest times of your life.

Answer 6

Every pregnancy is different. You are in the middle of YOUR pregnancy. If it is stressful for you to be in the presence of his family, perhaps it is best to avoid them during the pregnancy.

Ignore what others say. It is of no importance to you. Your husbands behavior and the relationship with your Doctor is the only thing you need be concerned about.

This compares to My husband calling and telling his Mother that he had gotten married. We eloped at 27. She never believed him until the following year when we were expecting our daughter. I never had a great relationship with two Mother in laws. Now it has been forty years and we lived through it all.

So all things pass. You will soon have a precious grandchild they will want to see. So just try to avoid any dissension.
It is important for your baby to have a calm loving pregnancy.
The baby knows when things are not calm and pleasant around the two of you.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

You must be quite emotional because of the pregnancy and the situation, but you must remember that the one in the middle is your husband. I think you should talk to him and stay calm, tell him that maybe (even if you know it isn't true) his mom doesn't said those things to hurt you, but that they do hurt you.

Tell him you need his support because you are a couple and you both need to get to an understanding about this, always keep calm and in that way he can't said you are just emotional.

Also stop worrying about what they said because that only makes you feel bad and you know that what they said is bullshit, be smart about this, if you act nice toward your mother in law and still she acts rude to you your husband will know in whose side he should be.

By the way congratulations on the baby, it must be a very beautiful experience, I think you should better think in that :).

Good Luck!!

Answer 8

Your husband is probably right about his mom trying to be the expert in these matters. Understand that she is only trying in her own way to assert her paternity on her now grown up children, and you being pregnant allows her to stress her importance.
You are with child my dear and it is a difficult time for some. You are sensitive and they dont appreciate how sensitive you are. I hear your words and encourage you to hang in there. Carry your back pain and excess weight like medals of honour. Dont complain to anyone and see how long before they start reminding his mother what a moaning pest she was when she was with child. Show them the sort of stuff real women are made of and dont give them anything 2 beat you with.
It may be your imagination and hormones going awol in which case you may be in for a very loving surprise from Grandma and Dad

Answer 9

Wow Marcia lots of issues going on here.
Practice tolerance. When they inquire about your pregnancy
simply answer that all is fine and don't get into specifics.Your mother in law IS comparing her own experience to yours,not necessarily doubting your pregnancy.Her ignorance is HER challenge, don't make it yours. You have lots of hormones and body chemistry going into overdrive and that does have an effect on your feelings. Relax.You should be supported by your husband and family right now...after all your making a baby! See if your husband can do that!
Be flattered that people talk about you (if they are)..most people are so narcissistic they can only think about themselves. Celebrate! Your having a baby! Your bringing a child into the world! Your in laws are secretly excited about it.
Its their fault if they cannot express it properly.ake the world a better place for your child....get along and good luck to you.

Answer 10

your FAMILY is correct hey he has been putting the moves on her to say the least maybe more happened. ask your sister out for lunch Saturday and go somewhere you can order a few drinks, just talk OLD times and how much she meant and means to you..sister are a gift from God, and get a few drinks into her and start leaning towards your husband and how you think he may be messing around with a few other girls at work ...that should get her to at least ask you some questions and then maybe open up to you about what DID happen to her with him... be smooth, ( your not lying about the other girls, you aren't saying you know for sure, you just have these feelings, and that is not a lie ) but be ready to follow up when she asks you what girls, say I am not sure, but he comes home smelling like perfume and late some times and he rushes right into the shower...that may make her open up to you.but be ready for what you may hear and find out.. family in that case for sure, hands down not even a contest in this one. good luck smile