How can I get my fiance to talk to me?

Question

Ever since we moved in together, he stopped talking to me. I come home from work, ask him about his day, & try to get a conversation going. All I get is a yes or no or a grunt. We haven't been out together in months. On our days off he goes to the sports bar to watch college football. I ask repeatedly to come, and he says I'll just be bored and he likes to watch the game by himself. He comes home and says he had a great time and I should have come. He doesn't like to talk to me about work b/c he says I won't understand. He works for a chemical production plant, and I have read his training manual which is based on basic chemistry which I would understand if he would talk about it since I have taken college chem and other science classes. I would think he could at least talk to me about what he had for lunch, but he just doesn't make the effort. After being completly cold he still gets up the nerve to say he wants sex! I have brought it up many times, but what should I do?

Answer 1

"No sex without cuddling"?

Seriously, you have a problem which, in the long run, will probably destroy the relationship.

You are right to bring it up and tell him that you won't be brushed off.

Answer 2

Holy wow.. this sounds like my fiance and myself a few months ago. It sounds like yours is a bit less likely to work with you though. At first I was reading and thinking he was cheating on you, or just not interested anymore. Here is what I did..

I sat down my fiance, and mentioned that we never spoke and it almost seemed like we disliked eachother. I flat out told him, if you do not love me anymore, please just let me know so you can be out enjoying yourself and I can be too.. This changed alot, after he realized he may lose me.

Once thing my fiance does that yours doesn't seem to do, is instead of leaving me behind it's completely oppositte. He always asks ME to leave the house and i'm so annoying for the reason I hate to socialize.

The first step is just finding out if you really do need to be with this guy, don't waste away time that could be spent on meeting much better people. There are so many wonderful human beings out there, you don't deserve any lack of commitment or care.

Answer 3

I've lived with my man for 5 years and he's not a very talkative person either. However, he does invite me to do stuff, and he's been making a real effort to spend time with me (he's a really big gamer, and will get lost in games if I let him). It used to bother me a lot, but he's started to make some changes. If you're fiance isn't making any effort to connect with you, maybe you should reconsider marrying him ( I know that's not exactly easy). Tell him how you really feel. If he just grunts at you...I wouldn't stay around.

Answer 4

Okay - you "have taken college chem and other science classes" so we know you are not an idiot. But - if you continue this relationship the way it is - I think you will be. Chem classes or not!!

You can't control him. All you can control is yourself. My game plan would be this. Tell him you're not happy - but you're willing to work on things by going to therapy with him. If he agrees - great - you have a starting point to get your relationship on track. If he refuses - leave him.

Ask yourself - do you want to spend the rest of your life getting one word answers and grunts? Do you want to be treated that way and then asked for sex? If the answer is no (and I'm sure it is) - then all you can do to change it is to change what you CAN control. That would be settling for his behavior and learning to enjoy it - or leaving.

Here's the positive side - you SAW THE TRUE HIM before you married him and had children.

If he won't agree to therapy - RUN!!!

Answer 5

Its amazing what happens when two share one roof. What do you say after you say ... hello! I assume that prior to moving-in together you two where active conversationalists, shared thoughts, and had common interests -- other than sex.

If you where the catch (hopefully not the catch of the day) ... maybe he really doesn't know what to do now that he has you. Some guys are great at getting what they want, but they just don't know what to do when they get it.

Many are great at the conquest - but fail when it comes down to loving, nurturing, sharing, and being vulnerable with someone else. Though the relationship can still be saved if you both communicate what you are really feeling ... it demands change.

Answer 6

Dear, I feel for you. First you really need top confront him about this issue. Simply ask, Ever since we have moved in together I feel that we havent communicated as well as we have in the past..and ask him for an explanation as to why he doesnt speak. As for you "not understanding" his work , say to him that you would be thrilled to learn about what he does (even though you already basically know, just go along with it)
The sports bar most guys do like to go alone and hang out with buddies etc. but thats no reason to treat you like that and abandon you to go out with out even explaining. Try saying the game is on when your at home together and leave the tv on that channel for him to see, and leave the room. If he sits down on your couch and watches the game you have made some progress, then try coming into the room and sitting with him to watch the game.(try snuggling if it would help).
If he leaves as soon as you sit down or goes for a quick bathroom break then the problem is definetly his not yours, and you should seriously reconsider your plans to get married.
Also tell him that because he doesnt speak to you or anything else, that when he asks for sex that you feel that he thinks that is all you are good for.

hope this helped
if you need to talk you can email me
maria

Answer 7

Next time he is going to the bar to watch the game, be ready and just go with him. If he really doesn't want you to go, he is up to no good.
The relationship is on rocky ground and I don't have high hopes for it's future. I think one of you needs to move out. He is getting all the benefits of a relationship without taking on any of the responsibilities, such as treating the other person with respect.

Answer 8

Break the t.v
Get rid of the x box 360
and block all porn on the computer.

Seriously though i was with a woman for ten years and we decided t get married and we ended up divorced less than a year later, sometimes it's best to leave a relationship where it works and not force things.

Answer 9

This putting up a fence and turning on the electricity is more common than one would think. It's a way to avoid intimacy. You have the right to tell him how it makes you feel. You also have the right not to put up with this behavior and show him the door. So many men don't get that sex does not start in the bedroom.

Answer 10

What you should do is pay attention to how your relationship is going right now and how it makes you feel then decide if you really want to marry this man.
Women make the mistake of thinking marriage will change a man and it doesn't. What you see right now is what you'll get in the future.

Answer 11

you got an dilemma hun. he takes you for grant. tell him you know chemistry enough for a conversation and you want to know what he had for lunch. if he asks why just tell him you don't want to cook the same for dinner. and watch the college football yourself and when he comes home, say something like, oh man did you see the run of such and such short before the break? but make sure you smell of alcohol. next time tell him! you are going and even if you don't know about football just go and cheer whenever he does and give him a kiss after. share his enthusiasm for football. then listen how his mates talk to him watching a game and you'll know why he talks to them and not to you. but care full you might not like what you see!!!