Spouses Past?????????

Question

Ok, why is it that everyone is always caught up on there spouses past? Why do they want to know all about it and when they get the answers they wish they didn't ask? Why are they always hung up the things that there spouse has, wondering if a ex had given it to them and they want to keep it and not tell where it came from OR they bought it themselves and you dont believe it even though its true? Why must the mind always wander about things that sometimes always gets you into a fight of some kind? Why is it human nature to want the person that your with and try not to think of the other persons past? Everyone has had someone else before so why do we always think that we arent good enough for them?? Why do most of us spend more time either fighting about things or thinking about things that happened in the past instead of living for the minute with the person that you are with and making a life from that point on? How can we forget about there past and not worry about it anymore?

Answer 1

Insecurities, feelings that the new partner or spouse accumulated their wealth and holdings through previous breakups and settlement agreements, gifts from secret lovers they may still have on the side, whether they seem fair or not, feelings that they might be next...

The mind is always playing games. Sometimes it takes a bit of experience and maturity to see past those things. Many have tokens from previous relationships. Unless you see your spouse acting wierd and strange, you see the signs of cheating and infidelity, you should just accept the past and live in the present.

If both have insecurity issues, I have seen in the past where both have dissolved everything they had, threw all the proceeds into a pot, and started fresh from there, 50/50. It all depends on those involved.

If one is not capable of moving forward, they should seek counseling or see a shrink, or reconsider the relationship.

Answer 2

Hubby was my first so I have no past. I was not his first so I asked out of curiosity. I have plenty of confidence and self esteem to know that I was (and is) the better person for him. No regrets here. Been happy together 20 years, and after all these years, I'm still a hottie!! :)

I believe that you should find out as much about each others past before marriage. If you know them (the good, the bad and the ugly) and still love them, then you can accept and deal with just about anything. If people were more truthful and trusting, then relationships would be so much easier. Good luck.

Answer 3

Not everyone is like this. If you are an insecure person I suppose it could eat at you, but then I don't understand jealousy either.
My significant other and I have hardly ever discussed past relationships except perhaps to mention their name when telling a story. Nothing really intimate or personal. I've never felt it was any of my business and am honestly not that interested.

Answer 4

because the past will show patterns
good ones and bad ones
and thus should not be ignored
you can show progression or regression in terms of growth from the past
and you a fool not to ask question on meeting someone about their past
it's not an insecurity issue as some have suggested, as those who say that have a bad past and are leery that they will be judged on it, they will and should, or at least be taken into consideration
just like can't make a prostitute a princess ( due to her past ) neither should you be involved with those who have had really bad checkered pasts

Answer 5

My husband and that i are the comparable way! We manage it by potential of no longer talking approximately our pasts. The previous is interior the previous and that's the place it is going to stay, in our opinion. If some thing of that nature does arise in a verbal replace, we basically say some thing like, "ok, sufficient of that verbal replace. How became into your day?" or some thing alongside those strains.

Answer 6

On thing that I see there are a lot of very young ppl (under 25) on this board. So When you are that young You worry about that stuff. They way I see it, When I meet a person they are grown, so Yes, they have a past, and unless it really affects me. Like their ex is in jail for trying to kill them, or they have genital herpes, they were married, and have 10 kids and owe 150K in back child support. Then I really do not care.

Answer 7

People who worry about where their spouse's belongings came from and who they were with, and what they did before meeting their spouse have low self-esteem and jealousy issues.

When a person can accept the fact that others have had a past, and that it's PRIVATE, and can separate today from yesterday, is much better off.

Answer 8

Same questions I have been asking myself for a year now and I would like to see what are the answer from everyone else.

Answer 9

Well, people shouldn't ask questions they don't want answered. When you are with someone you should be able to except them for who they are. All of them not just part and if you can't do that then you shouldn't be with them cause it is their past it is a part of who they are today.....

Answer 10

I am interested in how he handled situations in the past in general. But I don't need or want to know the specifics. I concentrate on his present and future. This is my time in his life and I plan on making the most of it. His past is done and over with, so is mine. Whenever he feels the need to talk about his past, I listen and do not take anything about his past personal. I am not jealous about his past, I was busy with my own.