My fiance's ex wife invited him to her apartment for their daughters 17th b-day party, and he went (I was not invited). they met at a resturant to decide what graduation pictures,"THEY" were going to order. and whenever something goes wrong with her vehicle he fixes it for her at a friends house with her there???? last but not least on his last cell phone bill there were a few 25 min long phone calls to his ex's cell #.. I am divorced myself with a child, and we sure don't have this bond going on. Is this the way divorce is suppose to be, and did I do the wrong thing kicking him out???
2007-10-14 03:23:46 · 18 answers · asked by Tracy H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You did the right thing, he clearly is not over his ex and as such cannot be expected to be truly committed to you to such a level that you should be engaged.
2007-10-14 03:42:49 · answer #1 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, if you didn't give him the chance to tell you his side of the story or any warning, then you were undoubtedly wrong.
What's more, it's not a question of bond, but when you have children with someone, and want what's best for the child, then you do your damnest best to work together even if you are not a couple any more.
I don't see how you can reproach him for deciding with his ex wife about choosing the pictures?
Why would you have needed to be there?
I think that your own insecurities were eating at you and you probably reacted to harshly.
It could be that the ex was trying to get back, but how do you know that HE was interested?
It sounds to me that you're a bit too harsh and too quick in judging and kicking him out!
2007-10-14 03:30:42 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you both have issues.
1) You need to remember. Yes they may be divorced, but the fact that they ended it without being enemy's is good. Remember that they have a child together. Those calls may have been discussions about the daughter. When I divorced, even though me and my x did not get along, I had many calls lasting well over an hour. Discussions with my daughters as well with my x about my daughters. Divorced doesn't mean that you give up on the past life.
2) You both need to work on your communication skills. TALK to each other. The reason you may not have been invited could be his X's request.
2007-10-14 03:38:26 · answer #3 · answered by tigger1960jhv 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kicking him out is a little harsh. I would have talked the issue over with him and let him know that the situation is hurting you. He can meet with his ex (because of the kid) but he needs to bring you along for your peace of mind. If her vehicle breaks down your fiance should have just given her directions to the nearest auto shop. He should understand why you are feeling this way. It's not an easy position to be in.
2007-10-14 03:41:26 · answer #4 · answered by Brie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow. FIRSTof all, he should not have gone to the party if you were not invited. if you are the woman he is going to spend his life with then his daughter and his ex wife have to learn to deal with you. SECOND, no way i would let my husband or fiance have dinner out with his ex! they have to have a certain amount of communication with each other due to the child involved, however, it seems like there may have been something else going on. You probably should have talked with him and let him know how much this bothered you. if he was unwilling to make any changes, then you shoulda given him the boot....
2007-10-14 06:17:54 · answer #5 · answered by me 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What really matters is he was going to marry you. Just know that if this man didn't want to be with you, then you wouldn't be his fiance. If whatever he and his ex wife had wasn't over he'd still be with her, she wouldn't be his ex, and you wouldn't be his fiance'. The fact that they have a child together and he is responsible enough to make sure his child and her mother are taken care of would give me the assurance that this man takes care of his responsibility. He might never invite you to events where his ex will be to avoid conflict. It would worry me if he had no contact with his ex wife and his child and could care less if they were doing ok or not. Talk to your fiance' and find out his motives for doing what he's doing. Sounds to me like you've got a good man. If that was the only reason you let him go.............the waters could be deeper. If you love this man fight for him. I don't think something as small as this should end your relationship with him. I hope everything works out for you.
2007-10-14 03:46:45 · answer #6 · answered by lovililadi 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's good that your fiance gets along with his ex for his daughter's sake. But if you are in his life, engaged, you certainly should have been invited to the birthday party. They do have a child together so they are still connected as parents. But if you feel he is investing extra time with the ex or it seems too cozy, then you should discuss it with him and how it makes you feel. Is she being demanding on him to make you upset??
2007-10-14 03:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by mommacat 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yeah I think you did the wrong thing. Is your fiance' suppose to hate his ex and have nothing to do with her and their kid? Come on, have a heart. They have a long history together. He is or was going to marry you and that should count for something. Call him up and appologize. Tell him how you feel and listen to his answers. I have been in his shoes before.
2007-10-14 03:30:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have kids with my ex....and from time to time we have to talk with one another about something that regards our children....I don't think you were fair with your fiance....I had to talk with my ex not too long ago about what graduation pictures that we wanted for our graduating high school senior....Unless you know the nature of those 25 minute cell phone calls....I think you jumped the gun a little by kicking him out....
LOL...apparently you want people to agree with you....sorry but I don't.....
2007-10-14 03:34:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well because you don't get along with your ex does not mean everybody has to hate theirs to...there are some who do help there ex's out. and some stay close to them as a good friend because of the children..Did you break up with cause your jealous or immature, or both. When I got married my dad's girl friend was not invited beacuse I did not want her there..maybe his daughter did not want you there, It was her party, and they one thing you might have done was maybe push him to be closer with his ex..hehe
2007-10-14 03:38:40 · answer #10 · answered by hononegah1988 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I believe you did. They had kids together. Although it is more beneficial to have you in the picture to bond with the kids it is not necessary. My wife is close to her ex and so am I. He is a nice guy. He is not looking to be with my wife anymore and she isn't either. They made babies and they still must make decisions regarding those kids without my input. I offer my advice to my wife in private and nothing more if she asks. I am very close to my wife's kids. They treat me like an older brother not like a dad.
2007-10-14 03:34:56 · answer #11 · answered by Your #1 fan 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋