I am nearing the end of my law degree, he is nearing the end of his bachelor of design. We have been together for two years. At the beginning of our relationship I explained that although we are using protection, nothing is 100% and I told him in no uncertain terms that I do not believe in abortion. This recent revelation of his has many implications for our relationship, and has revealed a lot about his personality. I just don't know what to do:
1. I believe abortion is murder; can i continue to be with a would-be murderer?
2. Although pregnancy would upset our plans, we are damn well old enough to face the consequences of our actions. Does it mean he is all-round selfish and irresponsible?
3. Perhaps the most bothersome part is that (although he is usually very caring), he knows how important this is to me and yet would be prepared to put me through something I don't think I could live with...
I love him dearly but this has shattered me. What do you think? (don't be cruel)
2007-10-14 01:45:40 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If it actually happened, he might think differently. Some men can take a while, even after a positive test, to come to terms with the idea of fatherhood, and yet still turn out to be great dads, especially if their friends all slap them on the back, upon hearing the news, saying stupid things like" Congratulations man, didn't know you had it in ya". On the other hand, there are others, who will run for the hills, or deny the child is theirs.[ Like Steve Bing]. I would not like to think that my partner would want to try and make me do anything, especially something I felt so strongly about. You do need to talk about this, even though it is hypothetical.He may try to just brush it off, but it is a very serious issue. If my guy wasn't willing to stand by me, I wouldn't consider him to be worthy of my time or love. Better to find out sooner, than later.There may also be other issues in need of discussion.
2007-10-14 02:24:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is left for you to re-evaluate your relationship with him. You are pro-life, he is not. I strongly believe that two adults that took the time to make a baby via sex should take the responsibility of nurturing that life. I advise that you two should not bring a life into the world if you are not ready to take care of that life. Peradventure you mistakenly conceive, your partner that got you pregnant should be man enough to father his child. Anything contrary to the above stated fact makes him a boy and not a man. A man takes responsibility, a boy does not because he is childish and reasons like a child. It is selfishness on his part to tell you to have an abortion should you get pregnant. During an abortion, you also stand the risk of loosing your life. You weigh it. Talk with him again and again about your pro-life position. If he does not accept, I don't think getting an Abortion is a common ground to maintain peace in a relationship. I advise you to be with a man and not a boy. All the best.
2007-10-14 02:50:16 · answer #2 · answered by OGB 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, Vespasia, I agree with the folks on here that his comment may well be a dealbreaker.
Problem is, there may be someone involved who begs to differ.....his child.
I think dear, that your man is still not quite mature, and that he may have panicked.
In which case you get the only answer that gives him any control: "I'll Make you have an abortion." , which all rational people know is not a true statement.
Find out For Sure if you really are pregnant.
Then go back and gently and respectfully have the conversation again.
I think the response you got may have been a knee-jerk reaction, okay?
He knows you aren't going to have an abortion. If you are pregnant, what you need to know is, is he going to be there? That's all.
2007-10-14 03:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is time to lose this guy! One of the reason that persons going to college should never marry is the extremely high divorce rate among graduates because of the change in life style from what you have to endure now and what you will have when you start to work in your field. You will find someone that you love who shares your values when you begin to work and who will love you without trying to control you. If this guy was so caring he may try to convince you to have an abortion or to give up the baby for adoption, but the fact that he said he would make you have the abortion shows the signs of a very controlling person. You love him now but when you are working as a lawyer will you love him when he tells you, for example, that you can't work evenings on a case when he wants to go out somewhere or tries to control you in some other way as well? Just be glad that you found this out about him now instead of after a marriage and remember that you are in love with the person he showed himself to be to you and not who he apparently really is.
2007-10-14 02:21:54 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, if I were in your situation, I would leave him, like.. yesterday. Seriously, I would never be with someone who could support something as dispicable as the murder of innocent babies. That would be a definate "deal breaker" for me, without a doubt.
When I met my husband, we did talk about abortion (as well as many other issues), and where we both stand on the issue. It's a good thing we share the same beliefs, because otherwise I wouldn't have given him a second thought. That's how passionate and serious I am when it comes to my beliefs.
There are many things in a relationship, that when disagreed on, can be overlooked.. but I honestly don't think that the issue of abortion is one of those.
Abortion is murder, plain and simple.
Stand by your beliefs, and don't let him (or anyone else) ever talk you into doing something you know you're against.
Take care!
2007-10-14 02:04:34 · answer #5 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I do not know if you are married or not, if you are not married then I believe that you should find a man who will not force this on you, whatever your beliefs are on abortion, it is your body and it is up to you what you want to do. JMO and only JMO.
Again, whatever your views on abortion are, since this is a touchy subject, always has been and always will be, it is your choice, I think you know the answer to your first question, you want a baby, and he does not, answer: leave him. Find a man who wants what you want and has the same life goals as you do, he, obviously does not. JMO and only JMO.
Yes, he is selfish and irresponsible, if you stayed with a man who told you he wanted you to have an abortion, he wants you to himself, and he is thinking only about him, what he wants, NOT what you want, think about what he is saying.
How can you love someone dearly if he is being a little spoiled brat!!!! There are many people I know of who have successful careers and a baby!!!!!
You picked the wrong man and if you bring a child into the world with him, that will be one bad idea.
You CAN have the best of both worlds, just find another man, he is NOT it!!!!
2007-10-14 01:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. Only you can make the decision as to whether you can continue to be with someone pro-abortion.
2. Good for you for taking the right attitude that if you play and get caught you have to pay. However, if he is not willing to pay the price, maybe you ought to think twice before playing.
3. This is an extremely hot issue and his belief that abortion is a viable option has nothing (in his mind) to being caring or loving you.
He probably doesn't want to mess up your plans for the future. He sees this a the easiest solution. Don't deny him his right to his opinion. AND I would hope that regardless of his position, he could not make you have an abortion if you were not agreeable.
Be strong and pray a lot. It's amazing how we often forget to add that little detail.
2007-10-14 01:54:51 · answer #7 · answered by slv02 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I have to say I agree with the tone of many people who responded. I too dont believe in abortion, lucky for me my hubby is of the same mind.
I'm not yet in law school, but its closer than I ever imagined it would be. It tough, lots of work and dedication, and a baby now would DEFINITELY slow things down for me too. I agree with you, in my situation, we can do the deed, we can take care of the seed. (just tryina make you smile)
I feel he is being terribly selfish, I dont think that a lot of men understand how HARD it is to entertain the thought of an abortion. I dont know many women who go skipping and happy to the clinic, and some of my best friends, also in college and broke unable to afford a baby, have had abortions and have been damaged, emotionally.
You have to talk to him, try to explain to him how you feel about abortion. I would enter the conversation like this:
"I understand that we're both really close to gaining our degrees now which then we will begin our careers. I too dont want a baby at the moment, but as I've said nothing is 100%. I want to understand WHY you are pro abortion and see what your perspective is, and also have you understand mine. To me, abortion is not an option, abortion is not contraception and I am NOT willing to have one. I think we need to discuss this, and try to come up with a plan B should we get pregnant. I love you, and really adore being with you, but I think you need to understand where I am coming from on this.... Its my body, and our future together depends on how we can handle this type of situation. I want to be with you, but also want to know that I have your support in times of struggle and trouble."
Lots more to say, but this is already pretty long. The bottom line is you two CANNOT be successful as a union if you cannot talk and sort out this issue... what if you DO get pregnant? Will he bail if you dont abort? Can you risk that? Is it worth it to stay when you know that the man you love would leave you or hurt you in an already tough situation?
This is hard, and I can honestly tell you that if I'd found out pre marriage, that my hubby felt this way, we wouldnt be together now. To me that showes he is a coward, not someone who loves supports and honors me. Just someone who is being utterly selfish and is likely to bail at the first sign of struggle.
Good luck honey...
2007-10-14 02:26:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you said nothing is guaranteed. If you believe that you could not live with an abortion then you should stop having sex with him until he is ready to take that chance. That said, he can not make you have an abortion any way. But do you want to take a chance of raising a child on your own. You are really selling yourself short by saying that you have to stay with some one that doesn't believe as you do on something so important. You can find some one that believes as you do and you can love just as much.
2007-10-14 02:02:01 · answer #9 · answered by Doc Phil 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First if he actually told you he would make you have an abortion or FORCE you to do anything you do not want to do that is a clear sign of a control issue. Since you have been involved with him for 2 years now you should be able to know his personality. You did not mention if you guys live together but beware if you do live together and he has showed signs of trying to control (this is my house, etc...) then you need to run as fast and as far away as you can. If you dont you will only be miserable and we know that is not what you want.
2007-10-14 05:42:53 · answer #10 · answered by fantasy gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋