How do you ever get over and forgive? please help?

Question

together 7 years, married for 3. about a year ago we went through a terrible time in which we split for about 6 months. we really did not get on and he can be cruel at times and pick on me. and i had enough. i admit that i texted another man a few years ago and then last year he did the same and text a woman at work. nothing happened- no sex, just texts. i thought i had got over all of it- my mistakes and his, but it has come back and flooded my mind and i feel terrible. we do love each other otherwise we would not be together now and gone through all that hell, but i feel my marriage is now "not pure" and how it should be. i can not forgive myself and i can not forgive my husband. i am always the strong one in the relationship, he doesnt like responsability and as a woman this did bother me. i think i wanted to escape my life at the time. but its no excuse. i feel like crying and i feel dizzy all the time because im stuck thinking about it. what can i do?

Answer 1

Throw away the mobile phone, nasty things that cause all sorts of trouble! Simplify your lives so that you can concentrate on each other.

Answer 2

I agree with Catherine, something more seems to be going on. What you are describing is obsessive thinking. It really sounds like you are still troubled in your relationship, but you still feel obligated by a commitment you made. Despite the commitment, you feel unfulfilled in some way and you fantasize, probably, that you would have been more fulfilled. Remember, the grass always looks greened on the other side and reality rarely, if ever, lives up to your fantasies. As long as why can imagine, there will always be what-ifs, but the problem is trying to imagine what-ifs that can never happen. Try to make your fantasies more reality based and closer to home. Start thinking about what would make your present life and situation better and then working towards that goal. Try to make a plan that would make your present life closer to what you would want, and that could mean even making some realistic expectations about your husband, but first try to find out what it is about YOU that sustains a present situation you do not like and change your own bad habits first - we all have them. Many times we are the ones that support the life we don't like - start trying to make the life you want, with realistic goals.

Answer 3

try changing your number, start with a 'clean sheet' and try and find something you and your husband can do together. It'll be harder if either 1 of you is a person who holds grudges and the 1st arguement you have it'll get thrown back in your face. It has to be completely open from now on for it to work - have you thought about marriage guidance? Doesn't always work for some people but it could be worth giving it a go. Good luck

Answer 4

Sit down and talk about it

There's no point in re-living the past, remember things happen for a reason and if you guys are still together after what happened then its meant to be.

Take a big break and go for a holiday, go to more dinners and hey even try get involved in what he enjoys such as the PlayStation :)

But to be honest the reason why u think that way is because you have it in yoUr head just learn to forget it and take ur mind some were else.

You said you felt guilty that u were testing that some other guys i think you just more upset about him testing the girls because you know you can stop but you have that doubt that he will continue testing the other girls,

Just sit and talk to him about it and let him know, and telling the truth works believe me.

Answer 5

This guilt it relatively is ingesting you alive, is it from some thing you probably did on your previous? And do you proceed doing the comparable action/s that has brought about you to experience this form interior the 1st place? If no longer, then you extremely could desire to recover from it (sorry for sounding cliche). in case you're waiting to forgive your self, then right this is what I propose: get slightly paper and write down the wrongdoing(s) that are inflicting you this guilt. study it. . . a pair of situations, in case you may desire to. Now that's on your EYES in common terms!! NOONE desires to work out what you have written! Now, take your paper outdoors, AND BURN IT! Watch it burn. Watch how the fireplace makes your little piece of 'information' slowly turn to ash and blow away. long gone. And the only way it may come again to you is that in case you do it returned. this could all sound so corny, yet think of approximately it. once you desire somebody's forgiveness, you circulate to that individual so which you're able to do/say notwithstanding is on your heart. yet once you desire your guy or woman forgiveness, there is not any longer a actual action for us to do, so we do no longer something. by utilising doing this - for me - it became into the thank you to ask MYSELF for forgiveness. i'm hoping that's smart to you, and that i'm hoping it facilitates. basically attempt it.

Answer 6

Talk to each other. Sounds simple but to really be able to talk to one another without blame or guilt is so hard but it can be the very thing your marriage needs. If you feel you can't do it alone go to a marriage guidance counsellor, even if you husband won't go it may help you to go alone and come to terms with your feelings. Like any partnership, marriage takes a lot of work to make it good, and even though talking honestly to one another is difficult, it's not nearly as difficult as going through a divorce...

Answer 7

You need to move on. So you both made a mistake but it was years ago, forget it.

When things like this get out of hand, there's usually something else going on in under the surface, are you absolutely sure this is just about a few old text messages?

Answer 8

Treat today as if it was the first day of your life and put the past behind you and start fresh.
Forgive your self and forgive your husband for any past mistakes that you have both made......
.Concentrate on your relationship with your husband and break all ties to the other man.....Good luck

Answer 9

Forgiveness - is better looked at as....freedom.
Freedom to "not be controlled" by past hurts of others or youself.

~Add the "facts of the situation" each time you may have the "feeling." This produces a "level head."

Also, try to replace the current words. Hurt with _____ ; Forgive with ______. Sometimes, by just changing the words around...we change the outcome.

Answer 10

when i was 21 i was really mad about things that my ma and i went through and it eas eating me alive... then my ma said, whatever has happened in the past and whoever has hurt u, God will take care of that and i SWEAR, just like that all my angry went aways.... u don't want to hate anyone when u die, because it will just hurt u in the end, u come out as the good guy when u forgive and forget, holding onto the past will only hurt u and make u sick.... Trust me Hey man when i'm really mad, i cry and then i feel ok :) Good luck and God bless u

Answer 11

Just take this as a baptism of fire. I think you are able to see through a few things now. Keep moving. You will learn to adapt more. This is part of your marriage. Try to reconcile with him again. He is still your one.