Is this considered emotional abuse?

Question

Everytime my husband and I have an argument it is always followed by days of silence. He will not talk to me, say hello, goodbye or anything. If I try to talk to him he might give real brief answers but it is very tense until he decides he does want to talk to me again. I hate how this makes me feel. I've talked to him about it during peaceful times and he acknowledges that he does it but it never changes. What should I do?

The subject matter of the arguments vary from small things to big issues. I find myself avoiding confrontations because he usually won't even discuss anything confrontational without getting
angry and then the silence and avoidance. I am not a nagging or pushy personal at all. I am probably more the doormat as some of you described. I have tried several things to respond to his behaviors. I have waited and then asked if we could talk about it again and get nothing. I have also given him silence and avoidance back but it does not usually matter to him. We he does start talking again, he is not empathetic to how I feel and usually just tries to justify it by saying
he had a right to be angry. I agree that he has as much right to be angry as I do but that the way he expresses it is not okay. He is very controlling. I have been considering divorce for a long time for many reasons but I feel trapped and don't know where to begin.

Answer 1

yes. he might not consider it as such, but hey, irrelevant. it is hurting you. he needs to learn how to deal with his emotions and express them instead of completely ignoring you/alienating you. why doesn't he say, i don't want to talk about this now, etc? he probably doesn't even know how, but to go and punish you? hrm. and what a fantastic way to evade the issue at hand or whatever the argument was about/eventually deter you from ever contradicting what he says so you can avoid his persistent/unfair/hurtful behavior... there are definitely reasons for him resorting to such childish behaviors. maybe someone important in his life disregarded his feelings/made confrontations really impossible and uncomfortable.

let me ask you this, when he acknowledges that he does it does he acknowledge how it makes you feel? is he empathetic or sympathetic towards you at all and remorseful of how he reacts/acts after an argument?

my friend (we're young, in our early 20's) was an infamous eye-roller/walk-awayer in high school and college, and still now. but sometimes it takes yelling, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME" to get her to respond.

now obviously, i don't know much about your relationship. but do not fool yourself into thinking if he just acknowledges his problem, things will change. is he willing to change? go to couples counseling? anything? he needs to put forth effort in something, even if it doesn't change anything right away. i would, if i cared about someone.

Answer 2

hi sweetheart this is full on in capital letters emotional abuse and it makes you feel like crap ,well see the next time it happens is there anywhere you could go like away for the weekend ,spa say for example ,this husband needs to learn a few things like how to treat his wife better ,and if you cant then give him a dose of his own medicine and ignore him ,slam doors start doing things when he is in this mood that would suprise him you walk out and go for a coffee and come back when youre ready to ,this will be changing the way things are and it will make stop and think esp if he is not expecting it and please sweetheart do this he is treating you like a doormat and up to now he is getting away with it and he has no right to treat you like this if i was with you i would give a lesson that he would never forget ,i know what im talking about as that is what my soon to be x husband did to me and over the years he more and more abusive and it was partly my fault as i let it continue til he had full control ,dont do what i did stand up tp him and teACH HIM A FEW LESSONS .......GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE XX

Answer 3

First you need to ask yourself if his actions make you unhappy. The fact that he always has an excuse to shut you out means he does not feel he does any wrong and that you are what is wrong. Sorry to say but its the truth I have experienced this with a live-in boyfriend. It is mental abuse if it is affecting your mental state. If you have seriously sat down and tried to think of what you have done to make him react to you in this way but can come up with nothing then he probably has some issues you cannot help him with. If you want to save your marriage seek councling and that will definately help you in making your decision to stay or leave.

Answer 4

i find it interesting that you don't mention several things. First of all, what is the subject of these arguments? Are these arguments over big trigger issues and are they chronic? The other thing you don't mention is how you respond to his behavior. do you give him time to think things out or do you press for immediate resolution?
Put yourself in his shoes. Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Instead of labeling his behavior, learn how to argue effectively. Yes it is possible, but it sounds like changes have to happen on both sides.
Good luck!

Answer 5

It is abuse and controlling. The both of you might want to get some counseling on this. There is a way out of this when he does that. It will be hard. Ignore him. Drop hints of how childish his behavior is. Lastly don't let it show that it bothers you. Like a child he will stop after he realizes that it doesn't have the affect he wants. In fact you may want to act more cheery than normal. He wants to play games. Play the opposite. then after it gets the affect you want. "Compromise" that the both of you will stop..

Answer 6

Abuse is any habits that's designed to manipulate and subjugate a further individual by way of using worry, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation and so on. Emotional abuse is any sort of abuse that's emotional alternatively than bodily in nature. It can incorporate some thing from verbal abuse and steady feedback to extra delicate procedures, equivalent to repeated disapproval and even the refusal to ever be cheerful. Emotional abuse is like mind washing in that it systematically wears away on the sufferer's self-trust, experience of self-valued at, believe of their possess perceptions, and self-idea. Whether it's performed by means of steady berating and belittling, by means of intimidation, or underneath the guise of "steerage," "educating", or "recommendation," the outcome are equivalent. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all experience of self and remnants of individual significance. Emotional abuse cuts to the very middle of a character, developing scars that can be a long way deeper and extra lasting that bodily ones. In reality there may be study to this final result. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, feedback and accusations slowly devour away on the sufferer's vanity till she is incapable of judging the challenge realistically. She has grow to be so crushed down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her vanity is so low that she clings to the abuser. Emotional abuse sufferers can grow to be so satisfied that they're nugatory that they suppose that nobody else might wish them. They keep in abusive instances seeing that they suppose they've nowhere else to move. Their excellent worry is being all by myself.

Answer 7

If you think like the rest of the simpering fools that your husband is indeed abusing you, then get out of the relationship. Not that it matters at this point.

Your marriage is over, be it today or some time in the short future, it will end and there is nothing you or your husband can do to save it.

Answer 8

He is obviously punishing you, by ignoring you.
This is not a very mature way of dealing with ones emotions or with a problem in a relationship.
However, apart from talking to him about it, there's not much you can do.
Still, since you can't change him, you can do something about how you let it affect you, as this is what makes this whole farce successful and makes him feel good about it.
If you just show him that you consider that this is childish and will treat it as such, then this exactly what it will look like and HE will be the one feeling foolish, instead of empowered, and he'll be the one to feel that he's missing out, instead of being empowered again.
So, just think how you'd deal with a teenager or a child who is grumpy, sulking, and won't speak, and is looking for attention.
This is exactly what your grown up husband is doing.
So, stop let it affect you and you'll see that like a child, he'll stop behaving in that silly way, and will want to join you if you don't pay much attention to him.
Good luck and be strong. At times, in a couple, you must assume the dominant role, so that is it.xxx

Answer 9

It is emotional abuse. You can go to any website that discusses it and I guarantee you that strongholding/silence treatment is on the top 10 list.

If this is not what you want then you may have to make some difficult choices.

Answer 10

Yes it is abuse, but is it working for him? If he pouts around the house and won't work on a solution, then leave the building. Tell him you are sorry he feels bad and that you'd love to figure out a plan, but that you have no plans to hang around and not be talked to, then leave and go have some fun. Tell him to let you know when he's ready to discuss a solution. Until then you will be busy. See-ya!

He can only abuse you if you let him. Just because he does something, it doesn't mean you have to stand around and be subjected to it. Stop tolerating it. ACT, don't react. This is your life. You make the rules on what you will put up with. He does it because he CAN and he is gaining something from it. He needs to learn some problem-solving skills and grow up.