I've been with my girlfriend for 11 years and we have 2 children. Ironically enough, she's not the type of woman that I desire to be with. Well she's the type I would like to settle down with, but over the years I've not exactly behaved like I want to settle down.
I want to either s*** or get off the pott, but if I settle down with her I'll always feel guilty for not doing the right thing sooner and wonder "what if?"
If I do move on and find love with someone else, I'll wonder why I didn't treat my current GF the way that I will treat the next??
It's my deciscion, I know, I was curious about what someone else might say????
2007-10-13 21:51:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My relationship with my children is not really the issue. I am and will forever be the best father that I possibly can. And she is under no illusion that our relationship is all rainbows and sunshine. We have had this conversation but her advice is, of course biased, it's either she speaks from her heart and says that she wants things to work out between us, or she is too proud to want me to "settle" for her and says leave, but after 11 years you can hear what a person really says even if the words coming out of their mouth are completely contradictory.
She will be none the worse no matter what my deciscion, because she has some soul-searching to do as well she just seems to be a lot more emotional rather than cerebral about the situation.
2007-10-13 22:53:47 · update #1
Its not about spicing things up. It is what it is. If I choose the way things are could be fine for the remainder of my days. I'm not afraid of anything but letting my kids down, and there is no power on or above this world that would stop me from preventing that. I just wonder if there is a way to make the decision final rather than daily. Not even marriage would finalize it, because divorces are granted everyday. The bond we already have is stronger than any piece of paper to store away with our other precious documents. A Parent's Love is lifelong.
2007-10-13 22:59:31 · update #2
After 11 years and 2 children, this should not be a question anymore. When you have frustrations, things will seem darker than what they are....after 11 years and two children, she might not be the hot chick you still want her to be.....Hold her hands and look into her eyes....don't say a word - she might ask "What?".....Give her a kiss....and everything that you liked about her will come back to you.....you will be surprised that you will be tempted by the thought of marrying her.
You do seem to feel a little guilty of not giving her the whole of you emotionally....your thought seems to me sort of like....you have made this "mess" and now you want ot get away from it....in my opinion, chances are, you will be in the same situation again if you were to leave your current girlfriend and moved on to another person.
Fix this situation with your current girlfriend and you will have earned her trust, love and confidence for the rest of your life.
2007-10-13 22:09:37 · answer #1 · answered by The Pianist 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The grass is usually greener over the septic tank. If you do not treat your current girlfriend well, then why would you expect to treat the fantasy in your head of a new girlfriend any better? After 11 years, the newness is likely gone from your current relationship, but the history has value even if you were not behaving in a manner you can be proud of toward your significant other. She has shown her faithfulness over time, and that is not something that a "Miss Shiny & New" will be able to offer you in a new relationship until you behave badly--- and a woman with less time invested in you is less likely to tolerate as much. If you struggle with feelings of guilt, then you are entirely capable of changing the behaviors that have resulted in those feelings.
2007-10-13 22:21:33 · answer #2 · answered by detailgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you have been with your current girl friend for 11 years and have 2 children it seems a bit late to question whether you wish to settle down. What makes you think you will treat a new girl friend any different. Make the most of what you have before you lose it.
2007-10-13 22:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are a very confused person and i dont think you really know what TRUE LOVE is.I dont think you can be happy with any one girl,you get into a relationship with someone and then you feel either trapped,bored or both,this is not fair to your girlfriend and its certainly not fair to your kids....my advice would be for you to not see or date anyone for a couple of months and try and get your life back in some kind of order and decide whats most important to you in your life,your girlfriend and kiddies or just simply screwing around.....I really do wish you luck but at the end of the day only you can sort it out....oh by the way this doesn't make you a bad guy..maybe confused,maybe frightened of the future or maybe scared of shouldering the responsibility of helping bring up a couple of kiddies....just remember this...ANYONE CAN BE A FATHER OF A CHILD BUT IT TAKES A SPECIAL PERSON TO BE A DADDY ...God bless you
2007-10-13 22:19:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! It sounds to me like you don't really want to be tied down. How old were you when you got together? If I were you I would find a way to safely get out of this and find what you really want. I'm sure she doesn't want to be with someone who is not really into her.
Maybe you can talk to her about ways to spice things up. You've been together for awhile and things are getting stale. Maybe you are both feeling the same way. Talk about it before you end up hurting each other.
2007-10-13 21:59:42 · answer #5 · answered by luvtko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not turn things around? Why not change things in this relationship with the two children who need you? Date this woman. Be kind. Solve problems. Make her and the kids your top priority and prove it. She won't trust you at first, but you two could start over and rewrite the script. If you aren't going to give it you all, do you both a favor and go.
2007-10-13 21:55:32 · answer #6 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ELEVEN years with someone is a very long time,and two kids.Why are you feeling guilty?
If the love isn't there,your feeling changed?you shouldn't feel guilty but tell her the truth and how do you feel about her and the relationship.I like that your honest with yourself and now be honest with her. Are you sure it not marriage and commitment?People change and grow..and if you don't love her.she has right to know and fine love and happiness herself and you have to be in love with someone in order to be happy too.if she not your type then let her go and your cant wonder and think WHAT IF...because ironically she wasn't your type.
2007-10-13 23:50:45 · answer #7 · answered by atsinrocpalms 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love derives from ones inner own being and concept. if one seldoms interior the likeness of a form of affection one won't sense the kind of guilt,as love is the muse in feeling for all thoughts, given a plus or minus.
2016-10-09 04:55:37 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not possible. I really really liked this girl back in high school and only to find out my friend who knew I liked her got together. He felt total guilt and had a hard time. Then as time passed it slowly died. So even if you find love, you might end up with some guilt as well.
2007-10-13 21:55:54 · answer #9 · answered by Richard C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget your selfish needs. What is important now is the needs of your children.
It is time for you to grow up and become the selfless father that your children need to grow up happy and healthy.
You are no longer allowed to make selfish choices based on your needs, whether real or perceived.
Good luck.
2007-10-13 22:02:53 · answer #10 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋