we seem to hate eachother, we disrespect oneanother, put down, yell call names, threaten our commitment!?

Answer 1

some relationships are like that the love hate, my mother in law has been married for 50 yrs andthere always bickering back and forth they cant live with out eachother and cant live together peacefully, but my mother in law says she wouldnt have it any other way

Answer 2

Okay, you guys need relationship rescue, problem-solving skills, coping skills, and stress management skills. Get educated, get some self-help, consider marriage counseling.

First, I assume neither of you like how this is going, right? So sit down and establish some ground rules.

Rules:
1. No name-calling, sarcasm, put-downs, etc. If one of you does it, the other walks.
2. Time-out when things are getting hot. Stop and walk and come back to it when things are cooler. Do this as many times as it takes to get through the issue.
3. Focus on the problem and avoid "you" statements. Try, "I" statements instead, such as "I feel lonely when you don't come home".
4. What are the major problems causing all this stress? What needs are not being met? How do you fix it?
5. Remember that the goal is to solve the problem and make each other happy. Bills an issue? Work out a fair budget, consider a part-time job, etc. This is a team effort.
6. Don't tolerate disrespect and don't give it. Tell him/her that you want to hear what they are saying and want to help but that you won't be talked to that way and walk. Time-out.
7. Listen. Do not deny, defend, attack, belittle, minimize, etc.
8. If he says, "You always do _______". Then hear what he is really saying, which is, "I do not feel wanted or _____".
9. You can't fight with someone who agrees with you. Stop worrying about being right, winning or losing, or who is the biggest victim. Work on the real problem and be kind.


You guys can do this. Understand that you must be happy and in love with yourself before you can be an equal in a marriage. If you are unhappy with life, then look at it, get a plan going, and fix that with or without him. You only control what you do. Your behavior is up to you. It is all a choice. Do not accept excuses or make them.

Do encourage, problem-solve, have fun and find your best friend again. You guys know how to do it or you would've never stayed together, right?

Neither of you has the right to treat the other like crap. Apologize. Agree. Brainstorm what would work.

If all else fails, get some help. There is often free help in the community that can turn things around pretty fast.

I am glad you want this to stop. Remember to act instead of react. No one can make you do anything, feel anything or say anything that you don't choose to. Take a deep breath and turn this around. You can do it.

Answer 3

Man that's terrible!! please go on separate vacations for a couple of day if you can afford it got to a hotel can afford that either go to your best of friends house and make sure your cool with the decision otherwise when you guys see each other your going to rip your heads off good luck my friend!!

Answer 4

I'm betting you are both young as in low 20's maybe even high teens. If you don't have kids. divorce and stay single until you are mature enough to be adults. Please don't bring kids into this mess.

Answer 5

Save yourself years of grief and admit to yourself that this relationship is unhealthy and over.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Stop it! Act like adults and work on it.

Answer 7

And that's just during sex?

Answer 8

Well, thanks for the info.
Have a nice night.