I am in a 6 year relationship with my guy,for the past 4 years I' m the one who has to initiate sex ,my guy is really lazy by the way but it gets really agreviating that if I want sex I have to keep looking for it. I would like to feel wanted for once .I haven't gained weight or have let go of my self in any way, but its fustraaating !I have tried to not initiate sex see if he does it but weeks passed by and no response. I think he has stopped wanting me. I have suggested to try different things but hes always in blah mood! I am 11 years younger than him and I dont know if that has anything to do with it .He really has some bad excuses for me when were alone , he tells me stuff like my head hurts, I have stress, or he always wants the little one to sleep in our bed.I am not pestering him.I give him his space but,Idont know anymore it is really fustraiting.I think he's cheating .
2007-10-13 19:38:35 · 15 answers · asked by carinna h 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have a difficult decision to make. When you've been with a person for " X " amount of time, in some ways you are comfortable and in other ways, you're not. You are still young and, I think that is maybe time to move on. Such a scary situation. The fear of the unknown can keep people from leaving a relationship. But, you are not happy. Your happiness should be a priority, sorry for being so blunt. From what I understand, you have a child together. Unfortunately, this makes your decision as to what you need to do more complex. Don't get me wrong, I love children and, I am a single Mom of two beautiful girls. Have you tried counseling ?? The both of you need to set time aside to discuss your relationship in a relaxing atmosphere. Many people, in this society, are overstressed and tend to forget what is the most important aspect of their life. It's a vicious cycle !! Your boyfriend of 6 years does not how to communicate, instead, he keeps things bottled up. But, then again, ( sorry ), maybe you are not listening to him or are aware of his body language. As a female, I can say that men can be difficult to understand but, men say the same about women. How old is your child ?? When was the last time the two of you had a night out ?? A break in the pattern is necessary . Do you love him? What makes you think that he maybe cheating?? Does he always have plans on a Saturday evening that does not include you. ??? Has he recently purchased new clothes,underwear, etc. ?? He maybe depressed as well. Does he sleep late ?? Lack of motivation?? Decreased appetite ?? Recent weight loss or gain ?? Basically, the bottom line is, do you think that this relationship can be salvaged?? Listen to your inner voice/instincts. You know him better than anyone else who answers this question. Communication is a very important tool in any relationship. I hope that this helps and Good Luck. Ruth
2007-10-16 07:50:25 · answer #1 · answered by Ruth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There could be a medical reason for his lose of libido. He may diabetes which would affect his ability to maintain an erection. Or hypertension, or even drinking too much because alcohol is a depressant. Has he developed a problem urinating? Either hesitancy or feeling like he always has to urinate but when he goes little comes out? That could be Benign Prostate Hyperplasia or something more urgent.
Have you teased him about it or called him old? That will only make things worst.
You didn't say how old he is and whether there has been a job loss, death in the family, or if he is mentally depressed.
Men would rather let you think they are cheating rather than admit that they can't "get it up".
Don't jump to conclusions about his fidelity.
Don't use this as an excuse to get your needs met outside of your relationship, even though 4 years may seem like a lifetime.
Good Luck
2007-10-13 19:52:29 · answer #2 · answered by naughtycat 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I had the same problem about 4 years ago. I had no interest in my wife because as I found out almost to late in a physical that I was diebetic, high blood pressure, low thyroid. and just to frost it very low testosrene. get the physical.. If he could he would. He may be more concerned with his ability to perform and does not want to disappoint you if he can't get an erection or he ejaculates to quickly. Pressure is on the guy to perform. you have the easy part.
2007-10-13 21:09:02 · answer #3 · answered by Mike C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you are probably not really a common law wife.... most states don't recognize such a thing these days and many of the ones that do say you have to live together for 7 years... that said leave his lazy *** you're not married to him... by the way age probably doesn't factor into this... I am 51 and my wife is in her 20's.... getting it up is not a problem... i can several times a day in fact
2007-10-13 20:04:43 · answer #4 · answered by DavidV 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't have a problem with it. It's a legal term here in Texas (but not all states in the U.S.), and is just as legitimate as a regular "wife." Unlike "partner" or "S.O.," legal status is equivalent to wife, and children are also legitimate. Under Common Law, if you want to split up, you have to get a legal divorce, same as with a traditional marriage. It appears that there is a popular misconception that common law marriage is the same as "shacking up." It's not. It's just as legal as being married. Unlike just "living together."
2016-05-22 08:23:37 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually when men cheat they still have sex with you. Maybe he needs a physical from his doctor. There can be medical conditions that take away his desire. Put in a movie and see if that revs him up.
2007-10-13 20:55:37 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think I have ever heard of any man being to LAZY to have sex so this is coming from some where else, do you still have respect for each other?
Is he old enough to need viagra, have you had some "bad" as in un fullfilling or unfinished sexual incidents,
has he seen a Doc about his health, is he depressed rather than "Lazy"
Do you have any other reason than your 'Lakanookie' to think he is cheating..
2007-10-13 19:49:17 · answer #7 · answered by Judy 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well maybe he is having personal problems you know and is embarrassed. Have you tried not to initiate sex but talk about why your not having sex?
2007-10-13 20:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by blueeyd_princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a piece of paper, huh? It's evry easy to get out of a common law marriage. Do it, this guys a bum.
2007-10-13 20:08:54 · answer #9 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mine is 13 years older and we have exactly the same situation. eactly. even with headache excuse. mine is not cheating. he just has very low testosterone level due to age. so he just doesn't have desire for sex anymore. if i not initiate it he can continue without sex as a camel - forever. it is indeed frustrating and annoying. but mine has money and is handsome and intelligent and very pleasant to live with and he does whatever i want him to and buys me whatever i want and takes a very good care of me and my children. so it equals the lack of sex drive( i would want to have sex every day several times a day). so if i want to have sex every day - i initiate it every day (if he doesn't come up with excuse of headache of course). well dear, life is tough, and if to put on a scales my previous husband whow had normal sex drive but was abusive loser who never had money and that one without sex drive and money - i would chose that one without sex drive any time. just find positive in your relationships. but if there is nothing positive - leave him, don't waste life on nothing
2007-10-13 19:48:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋