I know it is a form of manipulation... but I'm afraid of feeling guilty if he chooses to do so. I know ultimately I have no control over the situation but, I still can't help feeling guilty for making the decision to leave a unhealthy relationship.
2007-10-13 19:22:10 · 27 answers · asked by Destiny 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't deal with, I'd point to the nearest Psychiatrists and ask them to get help.
If they still don't listen after a few repeated attempts to convince them to get help, I would either call the police and/or contact their family.
If none of that worked and they still were determined to use the guilt trip of suicide, I would point them to the nearest bridge.
2007-10-13 19:28:40 · answer #1 · answered by Infernal Disaster 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call his bluff. Most people who threaten suicide if their partner leaves them, are just trying to manipulate the other person to stay with them. It is a form of control and you have to let them know you will not be controlled and manipulated that way. If you want out, you have the right to get out. If the other person actually DOES commit suicide, then you staying with that person would not have made the difference because their problems are far deeper than whether or not you stayed with them. A person doesn't lose the will to live over a breakup unless there are far more serious emotional/psychological issues going on. If that person kills himself, don't feel like it's your fault. He chose to do this to himself. You didn't plant the idea in his head or encourage him to do it. The idea was his alone and the responsibility is his alone.
Why can I say all this with such certainty? My ex-husband threatened suicide when I told him I wanted a divoce. He even "attempted" suicide by putting a whole bunch of painkillers and other pills in a little shot glass and writing a suicide note. When I saw the note, I went to the bedroom and found him laying on the bed, wide awake, and he told me he had taken half the pills already and still had not taken the rest of the pills yet. I told him I was going to call 9-1-1 but he insisted he was sorry and wouldn't take the rest. He went to the doctor the next day, who called the county's mental health department and forced him into counseling. The bottom line is that he never intended to kill himself. He just was trying to manipulate and control me. Had he really wanted to kill himself, he would not have made it so easy for me to stop him from doing it. He would have just killed himself and been done with it. It was a ploy. We later divorced and there were many more manipulation attempts. He later remarried someone else (as did I) and is now going through divorce with her. I have seen copies of e-mails he has sent to me which he had sent to his current wife. He is attempting to hold onto her through manipulation and control the way he tried with me. We are now on friendly terms for the sake of our kids, but I know a controller and a manipulator when I see one, and I can spot them a mile away. That is what it seems that you are dealing with here. If you want to leave, then leave. You will be glad in the long run that you did. Let the ex do what he will do. It is his life, his choice, his decision and his responsibility. You are not responsible for him - HE is. Oh - one more thing: I left a very unhealthy relationship with my ex-husband. I'm so glad I did. I am now married to a wonderful man and have SUCH a healthy and happy relationship, that I feel God must really love me to have blessed me so very much. Walk away from unhealthy relationships. Happiness is around the corner for you. You might have to walk a few blocks in a bad neighborhood for a little while, but around the corner will be the life you dreamed of. Good luck.
2007-10-13 19:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is nothing more than emotional blackmail.... anyone that would really commit suicide is not doing it because of anything you did... they are doing it because of something that is inside them.... yes I'm sure you would feel guilty but when you look at the big picture if you were to stay due to his threats then you would have a life of misery and he would have a trump card every time you didn't want to cave into his demands..... it is rare that anyone actually carries out such a threat.... Bottom line is DON'T give into him.
2007-10-13 19:30:36 · answer #3 · answered by DavidV 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are co-dependent and need counseling also.
Get a restraining order and give them every detail and threat he's made that you recorded or kept.
How long do you think it will take for him to go from threatening to kill himself to threatening to kill you and your family?
Stop being naive and get smart. Is this the first unstable person that you've been involved with? Don't get involved with anyone else until you have worked this out.
Who in their right mind feels guilty about trying to get healthy?
Living with guilt is better than dying a martyr.
2007-10-13 19:38:12 · answer #4 · answered by naughtycat 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just let him be.
You already know that this is a form of manipulation. He's just wanting to have control over you and see if you'll go back with him.
Don't answer his calls or messages. Eventually, he'll move on. This guy doesn't have the courage to kill himself.
2007-10-13 19:30:18 · answer #5 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right, he is trying to control you and make you stay. If he chooses to kill himself, that is his decision. Don't feel guilty, that is the power that he's trying to wield over you to make you stay. He may need care and/or observation, but once his head clears, he'll come to grips and go on living. You need to do the same.
2007-10-13 19:26:47 · answer #6 · answered by WingNo19 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has already achieved what he set out to do.Not only is he manipulating you into getting back with him but he is manipulating you into taking the blame for something he alone is responsible for. If he does kill himself he wins by virtue of you feeling guilty.
2007-10-13 19:40:55 · answer #7 · answered by Georgewasmyfavorite 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
EEWW!This sounds so familiar what I did was ignored him and left far away and I got and order of protection and not to mention I told the police he was suicidal it rarely happens but your right you have no control over his actions he really need to get over it and go out with somebody else
2007-10-13 20:13:40 · answer #8 · answered by carinna h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brothers girlfriend would always threaten to kill herself when he tried to break up with her. He came to me with the same ?. That same night he broke up with her and he came to stay at my house. She was yelling her head off calling for him on my front yard. I simply told her he was not coming out that it was over and if she really wanted to kill herself to go do it somewhere else because I didn't want to deal with the hassle of cleaning the mess or talking with the cops. They are both happily married to other people now but share custody of their son. Good Luck.
2007-10-17 19:02:42 · answer #9 · answered by Elvira E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be angry - I would be VERY angry if anyone tried to lay that kind of guilt trip on me. What I would do, is find someone who should or could intervene with the ex - - hopefully they would be able to get him the help he so badly needs. I would NOT get involved any deeper than that.
2007-10-13 19:41:14 · answer #10 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋