Casual sex & attachment?

Question

I just saw a question about women feeling entitled to a relationship following sex. I happen to disagree; I don't think it's necessarily the woman who always wants more.

What's your opinion? Can women have a sexual relationship without needing him to be committed and exclusive? Can men handle such relationships, if she doesn't wish to be committed? Personal experiences, stories are welcome.

Frankly my dear: You can't afford me so don't even worry about it.

Only a man of intellectual wealth can afford me. I'm old and experienced enough to spot those, so why don't you keep it moving, "wealthy boy"

ms sophi: I don't think you're bragging. I think it has a lot to do with the selection process and who you attract. I'm only attracted to men I can have a deeper connection with, and when that's the case, it doesn't just start and end with sex.

Katiana: I think the "woman with woman" sexual relationship differs a little bit. It depends if the women in question are bi or lesbian. The majority of today's "bisexual" women just like having sex with women, but IMO aren't able to fall in love with another woman. That's another topic that belongs in another forum though lol

Katiana: I'll put up a question in the appropriate forum cuz I'm curious to know your views on the "gender roles" in lesbian/bisexual relationships.

Answer 1

Personal experience. Casual sex doesn't exist. I tried it for years. Lots of drinking, switching partners, playing shell games with multiple partners etc. All to avoid the feelings of attatchment that follow sex. I wanted so bad to believe all I needed was sex and didn't have to deal with all the messy complications that accompany relationships. But, alas, I couldn't do it. Sex just can't satisfy like real intimacy can. And it can't be done without feeling affection and attatchment to the partner. I used to believe I could do whatever I wanted and decide how I was going to feel about it. But now I know different. When I have sex with someone I WILL feel something for them. I can't turn it off. I can aviod it and pretend it's not there. But it is there nonetheless.
Are you entitled to a relationship afterwards? Nope! You don't have to do anything except die and pay taxes. Ditto for your partner. Pursuing a relationhip you're not really interested in will just end in dissaster anyways. But just be aware of the fact that when you have sex, attatchment and affection develop and these feelings will have to be dealt with.

I'm a man by the way.

Answer 2

I answered it too, since he asked directly about women, I answered specifically about that...you're asking for a general view, so I will respond as such.

Yes, there are women who can have sexual relationships without pushing to be committed or exclusive, not all women are the same. Same applies to men, it's safe to say that most can handle a casual, sexual relationship and some can't.
I'm not a man, so cannot determine why some do attach themselves, but I suppose it could be out of neediness or because some have begun to notice other qualities in the women they were sleeping with, which attracted them, besides the obvious, and there are probably many others reasons.

I haven't been intimate with a man since my ex and I separated, have dated a few, but date women more, so can only respond based on that.
Some of the women I've been with have attached themselves emotionally, some have not, but I've never made anyone feel like I'm using them for sex, am honest from the very beginning about what I want and don't want, if someone oversteps the boundaries we have agreed not to, I let them know.


Edit: Yes, there are differences between 'women with women' and 'women with men'...I think it goes back to society's views on gender roles, but let me not get into that one, he he. :-)

Answer 3

I agree that it isn't always the woman who wants more than just casual sex. Yes, I think women can have a sexual relationship with out needing a man to be committed/exclusive. How else would you explain all the women willing to date men that are already married or have girlfriends for years on end...or prostitutes?

I think men can also handle a woman who is unwilling to commit...if he just after sex or if he is so enamored with the woman that he is willing to put up with anything just to be with her...or some guys just aren't the jealous type.

Answer 4

I am a woman who has been on both sides of this issue...using men for sex, being used for sex etc.

I have learned that casual sex (personally only!) is harmful. Even though something may start out as just a bootie call, if the bootie is very good, or special, my hoo-hoo starts to thinking maybe this is love.

I am living sex-free (without), until I find someone that I know I will still like after I get to know him.

My body is a temple, and I don't want a bunch of pirates rumaging around in there.

I am waiting for one cool, nice, compassionate, adventurous, spiritual, Adventurer to return from his quest and find me...until then it is all in the dreams...

I spend that energy standing up for Justice and fighting for the Constitution, and building my future...

Answer 5

I think it completely depends on the person, and more than that, it changes over time.

I've had a few sex-friend type relationships, affectionate, caring, uncommitted round university days mostly. Emotions can become tangled up, but they don't always.

I think communication and honesty are really important in such situations because our hearts and minds can want different things, and if attachments form and expectations change then it is time to re assess.

It is absolutely possible to have open uncommitted relationships whatever gender you are and for them to work.

But just like monogamous committed relationships, it is quite possible to stuff them up too!

I highly recommend the book quoted in sources (placed there to avoid any language filters)

Answer 6

Women can have casual sex. I've known plenty of women who sought no-strings relationships. It just makes things difficult when one person is misled about the intentions of the other. I think women don't like being to be lied to and used, most of all. If both parties are honest and down with keeping it casual, then it's great for them. Not my thing, but whatever works for them.

Answer 7

In my opinion,there's no such thing as casual sex, it is the most powerful thing we have, we can create new life with it. To attempt to use it casually is a big mistake, I believe. It can rebound and cause alot of problems. But this whole issue is way too big to settle here in a few words. I have tried all my life to come to some conclusion that will bring love and peace to me and to others. It's somewhere between difficult and impossible. But we have to keep plugging away. Thanks for the question. FRANKLY MY DEAR you don't need to tell her what she can and can not ask, she can ask any damn thing she wants to.

Answer 8

I have had that happen to me with men. They become obsessed and want a long term commitment just because the relationship turned physical. I didn't make any promises and just because we had sex a few times doesn't mean I have to spend the rest of my life with them. Does it?

Answer 9

Yes I agree with you. You dont necessarily have to have a relationship after a one off fling. It depends on the woman... some woman can be very needy and needs to be dependent to a man in order to feel complete.

Can men handle such relationships? Are you kidding me?

Answer 10

entitled? thats a little much

from my experience, it has been men who are the ones who want a relationship after sex, but maybe thats just who i attract.

Can women have a sexual relationship without needing him to be committed and exclusive?

well obviously its possible. i've done it, and its definately rewarding