Yeah i know you heard that question before but i was just thinking?
2007-10-13 18:54:40 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Hi Yowsie.
Yes, I think that's true.
I think it's the hardest for parents. They have loved & nurtured their children for many years, since they were born. They helped mold who that young person is. But the time comes when that child is a young man or woman & wants to "fly."
The parent must let them go. Whether the young person goes to college or gets a job & an apartment or whatever, the parent must let them be free & not hold them back. If they do hold them back, they can lose them forever. If they set them free, the children wil come back to them, albeit in a different way.
They will no longer be the dependent children they used to be. But they will be loving adults who will remain close to you for the rest of your life. If you had not set them free, they would have left anyway, but with resentment; and you would not have them for the rest of your life.
That statement also holds true in relationships between men & women. If one wants to leave, you must let them. You must not be too clingy & force them to stay out of guilt or a sense of responsibility. Then they will stay, but out of guilt; and resentment will build up.
When I was young & dating, my boyfriend needed to "be free" of me for a while. I let him go, with the reminder that I still loved him no matter what. He didn't date anyone — I heard that through the "grapevine." He needed to be by himself &, I guess, work through whether he wanted to be in such a commited relationship.
It turned out to be good for me also, for the same reason. Finally, after a long two months, he was back. He had apparently worked through whatever questions were in his mind. Because I had let him go, he was able to come back willingly; and he never left again. That boyfriend has been my husband now for many, many years.
He did the same for me some years later. After we were married for about 2 years, I think I began to panic about being married. I was still in college, & worried about things I might have done if I had not married. The chance came for me to study in Europe for a summer. I wanted to go.
My husband said, "if that's what you want to do, then go & do it." I did go, & I had a great time. However, I missed him very much & felt it would have been more enjoyable if he were with me. When I returned, there was a wonderful "welcome home" party for me. I was very glad to be home.
After that, I never felt the need to "test the waters" again. I knew I could leave whenever I wanted to, so I didn't have to. I knew I was still free, even though I was in a very commited relationship.
So, we both, at different times, needed to see if we could leave & have the person still be there when we came back. And it worked. We were able to be together willingly, not because we had to be.
It is important for people, at any age, to know that they are free. Only then can they freely give themselves over to you.
Don't clip the wings of anyone you love.
Peace.
2007-10-14 02:03:01 · answer #1 · answered by palemalefriend 5 · 8⤊ 0⤋
The early times of a passionate love are so intense that a couple seems to naturally implode toward each other in an intense monogamous bond. But, later, when the chemistry of that intense attraction subsides (in about a year, per recent research related to those chemical components of those early passions), a different level of love and bonding occurs. How "free" or open a relationship may become after a more stable level of attraction begins depends upon the emotional maturity, self-esteem and integrity of the individuals. When I was younger, I was very possessive. Now that I am older and a lot more mature, I get the heebie-jeebies at even the thought of being in a monogamous relationship. It's not good enough for me on this side of the learning curve in this matter, though, to say open relationships are right for everyone because I think where I am at now is natural and right for my age and experiences, and when I was younger and felt possessive, that was right in its own way, too, for who I was then, especially with children to consider. For me now, the very notion of a man whom I loved ever thinking for a moment that he was not free would horribly sully the romance of believing he was with me ONLY because he wanted to be. See my point?
2007-10-13 19:16:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
Yes, but only if they want to be set free. Communication is important here, open communication. If what someone has said or done is misinterpreted then setting them free could cause more pain than holding on until sure. We all have bad days when we might say something we later regret. Just be sure.
2007-10-14 04:15:54 · answer #3 · answered by Deb 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A friend of mine has a MSN ID that says: 'If you love something... let it go and if it comes back its yours. It's better to lose a lover than to love a loser'. I don't know if that second part really matters. But in my opinion to some degree I agree with that. Set them free after trying so hard to have them, maybe, but not set them free from the very start.
2007-10-13 19:15:25 · answer #4 · answered by Green Phantom 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, maybe I should. but if that means letting someone I love go, I guess I'll have a big debate with myself.
"Will she be happier if I let her go? Or she just hasn't realized I'll be the one that makes her a happy life? Shall I try more to work things out with her? Maybe she just blindly thought she could be happier if I leave her alone but in fact it's not true?"
I guess the bottom line is, don't make love a burden on lovers' shoulders. Sometimes pain is better than exhaustion.
2007-10-13 19:10:30 · answer #5 · answered by cruiser 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sigh... been there... done that... its hard letting go.
It depends on where you are in life. Whether you are ready to settle down or not. If you are ready to have a family and all... and you think that the other person is... "The One"... letting them go might be the stupidest thing you wil ever do in your entire life and end up regretting it.
But if you're still in that stage where you wanna play around... Theres a saying that goes... "There are always plenty of fishes in the sea."
Know where you are in life. Decide accordingly.
2007-10-14 00:52:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh noh! I knew it someone would ask this question. Yow, to me love is not selfish and if you love someone you have to learn to let her go only if she wants to but be sure to fully close the book once it has been decided. I know it's hard but that's how love is.
2007-10-14 05:02:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
Yes I love myself, therefore set me free from any commitment to a woman, therefore set me free from being raped by a system who looks after women only and I get to keep my financial independance.
2007-10-13 20:44:53 · answer #8 · answered by ! Answers 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Since you're thinking...
consider & compare two sorts of ...
Love(God):
- Law... law love fails. Eg: divorces, wrongful convictions.
- Grace... "charity" never fails, because it's pure "grace".
2007-10-14 00:49:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My love is selfish. I tried that theory but what it boils down to is, I love myself more than I have ever loved anybody else. Sometimes I loved them and set them free because of guilt, but again, that was a selfish decision too.
I can't let myself hurt to make someone else happy. I know, thumbs down...but more power to anybody who can act so selflessly.
2007-10-13 18:59:57 · answer #10 · answered by Lioness 6 · 2⤊ 4⤋