A question about moving in together and combined finances?

Question

is it wrong to ask my boyfriend to let me keep control of the bank accounts so i can make sure we don't overdraw the account? I don't want to check up on him or anything I just think it will be hard to keep track with two different debit cards plus I will be paying all the bills since he is away from home for 6-8 weeks at a time b/c of his job. We are fixing to move in together and I have never had to share a bank account with anyone. Probably all the money in the account would be his. I am 21 and he is 24. I am a full time student. We are planning on getting married in March

I don't want to have shared accounts. I am a full time student so all my money goes toward school and food. I usually live in the dorm so i will have a little extra. my bf doesnt mind paying for it all in fact he prefers it b/c he says my education is important. i will have a little grant money and what i will save from not living in a dorm. he just tells me to hang onto it and use it for whatever like food or gas or anything. I just want to know if it is wrong to ask him to only have like one debit card or if he could take a certain amount out for food while he is at work. That way we have less of a chance going over the limit in our bank account because sometimes i can only talk to him once a week so how are we supposed to stay in touch about finances?

Answer 1

My wife and I have always had 3 bank accounts between the 2 of us, hers, mine, and ours. We sat down and figured out how much in bills we each had, and how much we would each be responsible to put toward our bills. Each of us was responsible for coming up with our designated amount. We call that account our "joint account". All of our bills are paid out of that account. Any money either one of us had left over was ours to spend as we wanted.

We found this to be a simple way to do it. We are both very independent people and found this way to give us both what we wanted, responsibility for our own finances as well as the ability to not have to worry about what the other is spending all their money on. You and your fiance can set your own personal budgets for whatever you want to spend your own money on. It also makes sure that we always have enough for "our" bills. I don't know how people share an account, we couldn't do it.

Answer 2

Finances/money are the No.1 reason for divorce, so if you don't want to always have that responsibility, don't start out that way. Remember, the liklihood of you and your fiance/boyrfriend keeping your jobs forever is not good. If things change, and you are suddenly working 60-80 hours, and he's working normal hours and home regularly, it might be good if he takes charge of it. I would recommend opening a joint account, and each of you transfer your half (or the agreed upon amount) of the expenses in each month into that joint account.

My boyfriend and I have lived together a while, and it hasn't ever worked out for us to do things that way, but that's our plan once things get underway. :) Also, I know another couple who has been together like 7 years, they own a house, several cars, and just got married last year, and that is how they operate things.

Congrats and good luck!

Answer 3

DO NOT combine finances without a marriage license. It's just plain stupid. I think you should suggest creating one joint account into which you each pay a fixed amount monthly, and from which you pay all the shared bills. That should make it much easier for him to ease up on controlling things that affect you and you want the responsibility of... it'd be like you were doing him a favor, actually, dividing up household labor so that you paid the bills.

Financially, a marriage commitment is **Completely Different** from a living arrangement. This is not obvious until you are actually married and it'll probably change both your attitudes about control. Anyway, combined finances can and IMO should wait, and by taking it stepwise, you can get him used to your interest in household finances, and used to relinquishing control of his own earnings a little at a time, and you can get him to learn to trust you.

Answer 4

You are not married, the divorce rate is close to 30% that is like saying 1 in 3 will divorce. The stats for boyfriend girlfriend breakups are many time more. Your chances of breaking up are real so why complicate something as serious as bank accounts?
If he was suggesting to you to take care of his bank account I say fire him, throw out the bum.

why are you asking this question? What is the your motive behind it?
are you unsure of yourself or you already know that he dislikes the idea or you are getting ammunition to argue your case.
enjoy having a boyfriend do all the fun stuff, watch him how he handles money, learn what kind of a man he is, don't mother him if he lets you that is what you are stuck with unless that is what you seek

be well and happy

Answer 5

Keep control is probably not what you really want to say. Asking if you should be the one to keep the books which are open to both of you is probably what you are trying to say. In addition you are also talking about debit cards. Here is a novel idea! How about no debit cards! Then you would have to plan ahead together and it would take out all of the guess work. If you have to have a debit card decide together on a limit and take it out on the books before he goes out of town. Nothing else really needs to be decided. Take your time and learn about each other and I'm sure you will come out on top. Happy spending and happy saving.

Answer 6

My wife and I have been together for 18 years and married for 10. In all those years, we have had separate bank accounts. We have all ways split the bills and as long as we make our part of the bills. What she does with her money is her business and what I do with mine, is mine. We both feel that we work hard for our money and no one has the right to tell us how to spend it. As long as we take care of our responsibility's. We have never had an argument over money..... Now because your boyfriend is gone so much. You could create a 3rd account that he can put money into to pay bills. That way you still control your money and he controls his. But the bills get paid.

Answer 7

My daughter's divorce was just final. She got married in June 06 after a years engagement, and a year of living with him. They bought a house in Aug 06, and in Oct 06 he found the woman of his dreams, his soulmate, and it was not my daughter. It coincided with my daughters inheritance running out. He didn't work most of 06, and didn't contribute a dime to the wedding or the time they had to live in my home because he lost his job because he refused to get out of bed(I didn't find this out until he left her).

Beside all the horrible pain of desertion and coming to realize that he probably didn't ever really love her, what really hurt was that it was all about the money for him. What she said when walking out of court and her lawyer asked her what she had learned from all of this was "Never mingle money."

Take my daughters advice. Keep your own account, let him keep his and have a 3rd that you both contribute into, just to pay bills and household expenses. Things happen. We are not a special family, just a normal middle class family and his mother is a school teacher for petes sake. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

Answer 8

Taking control of money or control of anything in a relationship is a dangerous move. Money is the number one thing that couples fight about...and you want to combine your money before you get married??? I suggest you just manage both accounts until you are married.

Sometimes even married people have separate accounts so they will have some play money that they can get their hair done or go golfing without hitting the house whole account.

I would not push him until he is ready <<<>>>

Answer 9

Everyone does things differently. My husband and I have been married nearly 20 years and during that time we have had shared bank accounts. My husband is not very good with keeping up with the debit card stuff. It really bothers me, but you choose which battles to fight when you are married and I've given up on that one.

The both of you need to discuss pros and cons and decide for yourselves. Good luck!

Answer 10

nicely, we've had blended funds for the previous 5 or 6 years. we are finally getting married on 4/5/08. Our difficulty is somewhat different though, all of my paycheck is going into mark downs, and we use that for funds. His pay verify will pay the expenses, loan, and buys foodstuff. often times i think somewhat extraordinary about the way we've the funds prepared, yet then i imagine about the tax expenses, and the IRAs that we make investments in each and every 365 days - and the money comes from "my" mark downs account. So, all of it works out contained sooner or later.