What can I do to become less afraid of growing old alone?

Question

I am 31, I have a small child. I am divorced. I am in a plateau in my life, how do I make a change for the good. Make life wonderful to live again?

I am on eharmony, the process is slow!!

Answer 1

You need to make the decision to live again - for you and for yourself....

Happiness is not so much an event or a series of events - it is a state of mind - make up your mind to have a good life and then have the discipline to channel your mind away from feelings of "less than" and into thoughts of joy and abundance...

An easy way to get started - at the end of the day, write 1-5 things down in your gratitude journal - what are you grateful for? Keep it up for at least a month before you decide if this helped you or not...

Another simple one (not necessarily an easy one) - volunteer to help someone in need - work in a soup kitchen at Thanksgiving, bring meals to seniors, read to vets, etc. When you focus on helping others, you will take the focus from your own life a bit - this will bring you some perspective. Additionally, you will feel worthy for being a giving person - and when you impress yourself, you automatically get more energy and feel better about your life. Also, by focusing on someone who has even less than you, you can learn gratitude for what you have and compassion for others...

All of this serves also as a solid role model for your child... perhaps right now you cannot do much since you do have a small child, so focus on him/her and concentrate on being a giving, sharing, kind, nurturing, patient, loving, mindful parent to your child. In time, your child will grow older and you will have forged a strong bond to connect your through life - and even if you were to never hook up again with a mate (not likely, since you are young and can start over), you will never be alone - your child will accompany you through your journey - just make sure you "invest" time time and energy into that child now...

Good luck!

Answer 2

Eharmony is slow, but they usually do a good job of matching you with good people if you're forthright with them. Other than that, if you are a faithful person, find a good church, probably the best place to meet someone believe it or not. Finaly, one thing I heard the other day: women tend to close themselves off to physical love, especially those who have been through a divorce. Don't know if you are like that, but do things that boost and maintain your self esteem and self image, so you will not be withdrawn form the physical side of a relationship when you get to that point. That's usually where it begins to break down for men, when their partner places less importance on physical initmacy. You don't have to just do it whenever, or even when you don't feel like it, but you do need to be honest with someone in that situation what you want and accept, even if you may not totally agree with, what they want. If the love is worth it, you work to balance yourself while they do the same, so it all works out.

Answer 3

It seems like you are just starting to get over the shock of getting divorced. It takes time. If you are seriously depressed, see a psychiatrist and he will prescribe some anti-depressant meds for you. You can feel happy again. If you are not too depressed but just pessimistic about the future, do what the first responder says - go out and get a date or two. Sooner or later you will meet someone nice.

But avoid EHarmony - it is run by religious fundamentalists and their clientele consists of horrible conservative people.

Answer 4

Get out and start dating. There is nothing wrong with being alone but no one should be lonely. You need friends and a support system. Try one of the services that will actually match you with someone rather than the pot luck chance of looking at pictures and hoping for the best. EHarmony does this as well as equallyyoked.com. These sites will try to match you with people you are compatable with rather than guessing on someone's looks.

Answer 5

I would focus on your child and spending as much time as possible with him while he's still little. Once you get back out on the dating scene, that will only take away from time that you have with your baby.

Not to say that dating is NOT the way to go... no one should be alone if they don't want to be, but no one NEEDS to have someone else in their life just to be happy, either.

My children are 10, 8, and 6... I've been divorced for 5 yrs. I really don't want a man around my kids right now bcuz who knows what will happen with that? Do I want them to lose yet another person from their lives if and when I become single again? I would rather devote my time to them while I still can. There will be plenty of time for extracurriculars later.

Answer 6

I can honestly say, that I've been on some of the dating sites including the one you just mentioned. But here's the thing, if you're happy with who you are and where you are in your life, then it won't be so difficult to meet someone, you know? Meaning, it won't bother you to be alone. There is a difference of being alone compared to being lonely. I'm in a wonderful relationship now and have been for the past year, and I didn't meet him online, I met him through friends =) Just becareful with whom you meet online. Most do not tell the truth, and the ones who do, something else could be wrong that you may not want to deal with, (drugs, exes, etc), I'm not saying those sites aren't any good, I just want you to be careful; good luck and take care =)

Answer 7

Simply turn your passions into hobbies or your work.
Be enough, alone, and you can enjoy everything more.
Read to your child every day and volunteer your time anywhere. From kids to youth, aged, shut inn, animals, homeless, domestic abused, anything you care about-be a part of the solution. Sit on the board of directors or clean out a kennel-whatever means the most to you-pursue. A relationship will come later take the time to self investigate while single and be clear on who you are and how you want someone to treat you etc- and when they come along they will come along without all the, or many, red flags for you. Be kind to yourself and plug into good things that make the world better and you will be better.
I bid you peace,
Bc

Answer 8

Find something that your very interested in and find a friend that is interested in the same thing.
*sing (karaoke) ,dance(club,or dance classes) ,skate,
*join a moms group
*Take classes(college or little 1 or 2 day classes,i.e. cooking :-) I love cooking!,drawing,scrap booking,exercise(will make you feel/look better. Exercising releases hormones that make you happy too!
*make sure whatever you choose to do is FUN!! and distracting and your not going to be thinking of relationships. Just because your divorced, doesn't mean you will grow old alone! And make sure you put your relationship with your child before any other relationships.
You might be interested in listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger. She is awesome! A.M. radio go to her website and it will tell you what channel for your area. she has great advice for any type of relationship(self,family,love,friends)
good luck god bless!!! and SMILE :-)

Answer 9

Change your perspective. "Growing old alone" is also "freedom and having it your way in your golden years." You know how to be alone and take care of yourself -- what you need is to stop feeling needy and wanting to get your needs met outside yourself. Find things you love to do and get out and do them. Learn to do something really well, and dabble in other things you enjoy. Take up meditation and look inside yourself for peace and love.

Easier said than done, yes! but I really think self-love and self-improvement is probably the fastest route to happiness (and vastly increases your chances of meeting someone who is intrigued by you, and good enough for you).

Answer 10

you make something out of nothings. you are still i the peak of'your life, so get out and enjoy life. friends, family, hobbies.
life if a journey and you just need to see where it will take you'
but trust me, it will get better, it may seem dark right now but
the sun will shine in your life. good luck.