What am I doing wrong?

Question

My husband and I have been together for almost three years now. When we first met everything was amazing. The longer we have been together however the more hurt I have become. For the past two years he has forgotton my birthday all together. Two nights before our wedding he went out with his friends for his bachelor party. He came home and I found out that they had gone to a few different bars and at each bar he had asked several different girls to "flash" him or show him inappropriate body parts. He also went so far as to get a girl's phone number...(just in case things "didn't work out with me"). I considered calling off the wedding because of how hurt I was but I decided against it. On our anniversary he told me he was going to take me out to dinner when he got off work...instead he spent the night cleaning the garage and talking to his parents. There have been a few times when I have considered starting the car in the garage and ending my life. Why does he treat me this way?

Answer 1

"Ladies" .. and .. "Guys" think, and feel, competely different. At least the largest percent of them do.

This sounds so much like a typical "guy-thing".

Most women are all about emotion. Most men are not.

Many, many women carry the same complaint about guys .. fogetting birthdays, anniversaries, hanging out with the guys, etc.

Lots of times, when the "guy gets the girl" .. they forget all about doing the special things for her that he once did when they dated. The lady is still in the romantic stage .. but not the guy.

Most every person in this whole world, does exactly what they want to do, if they can. So .. actions speak louder than words .. and actions also deliver the 'bottom line' about a person. So look at what a person does .. and see what it tells you.

There are many reason he may treat you this way. Without knowing you, and him, personally .. it would be difficult to tell the real reason.

A person often treats another person, the way they do, because that is just the type of person they are. Some people treat other people nice, with respect .. and they don't even have to be told to do it .. they just simply do it. Other people are jerks, and treat other people awful .. and they do it naturally ... because that is just the type of person they are .. a jerk.

Sometimes, a guy (or even a gal) treats their mate in a bad way, just because they can ... in other words, they get away with it ... the person takes it.

Most people want their spouse to treat them nice . .. and they don't want to have to make them, or demand from them, that they treat them nice .. they just want it automatically done.

Some people are just thoughtless .. and don't consider other people's feelings.

HE .. is the only person who actually knows WHY he does these things. Someone who knows him, and you, very good ... could probably have a better insight to why he does things .. but it would take a person who is impartial.

If he has disallusioned you, by doing things to you that you don't understand .. the day will come when you WILL understand what he is doing, and WHY. And the day may come when you get tired of being sick, and tired of it. That is the day, which will be the beginning of the end of you having to take it from him .. you will put the brakes on, and simply not take it any more. He may be the one surprised.

Best of luck to you,

Tara

If you ever think you might do something as you suggested .. please go find someone immediatly to help you, and be with you, until you can get a grip on your feelings.

Answer 2

Do not start the car and end your life. If you really mean this please call the suicide hot line and ask for help. Nobody is worth taking your life over. It is not you. He sounds like an insensitive and selfish jerk. I would have called off the wedding if that had been me. If he is going to act like that when he is happy and in love just imagine what he will do when he is married and bored. You deserve better and you deserve to be happy. You are not going to be happy with him. He acts like this after only three years? Marriage takes work and he is not willing to put in the time. I have been married for almost 15 years and it is as if we only just got married. Take a good hard look at your life and answer if you can live like this for the rest of it. You know the answer. Good luck girl. Happiness is out there you just have to go and find it. It will be hard at first but it will be worth it.

Answer 3

Men can be hard to understand in this time and age. But remember, you're the only one who has the potential to save your own marriage. You can do this by sitting down with him for a few hours on Sunday morning, expressing your feelings that you love him, and what's really bothering you. Talk to him. See what he has to say. If he realizes his fault, he'll respond back kindly.

Another option is that if you don't feel safe to approach him, go and visit a marriage counselor. Talk to them also.

A third option is go to a very 'fair, modest, unbiased, and a loving friend' and ask them ways of how you can improve things between each other.

The more opinions you get from fair and kind people, the better you'll be in building your marriage.

If I was married, I'd probably start with the first option mentioned. But if you do that, be kind and sincere when you talk. That is the only way a communications progress and bridge will be made within those few hours. Smile while you talk. That will melt alot of his guilt.

Hope this helps :)

Answer 4

Wow, I think you have some serious insecurity issues if you can't handle your man looking at a couple of body parts. Men love boobies...period, the end. Married or not, a man will still look if given the chance. It's normal and nothing to freak out about.

As far as him forgetting birthdays and not taking you out for your anniversary...he's a man! You have to remind him constantly about these things. They don't put as much value in the silly little things we do, living everyday peacefully and comfortably is what matters to them (in terms of the relationship, that is).

And lastly and most importantly, if you feel like killing yourself over this than you should go seek some professional counseling right away. Perhaps your issues aren't with him, but come from within yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 5

It is really difficult to answer a question like this without knowing all the facts, but let me try to get you to answer it yourself:
Did he treat you good when you first got married?

If so how long ago did he change?

Can you recall anything that happened in your lives just prior to the change?

Have you treated him different lately than you did when you first got married?

Have either of you changed in appearance since your marriage?

Are you having financial problems?

Many things affect the way you feel about each other.

Contact me if I can be of further assistance.

Answer 6

First of all, no man is worth throwing away your life!!! He sounds like a fool for treating you that way...was he like that when you dated? If so, that really sucks...he's not going to get any better. Suggestion...open a bank account and keep your own stash of money in there in case you decide to leave him. It's not good to stay in a relationship because you don't think you could make it on your own. You're better off by yourself than with a man who doesn't know how to treat a lady. What about counseling?

Answer 7

Well, I don't know if you are doing anything wrong or not. Try to make sure you are not doing anything you know is wrong and pray, turn it over to God. Don't worry about his evaluation of you take more care on how you act.

You could remind him if he promises something and he doesn't seem to remember, just mention it, don't nag about it.

Hope things work out for your husband and you. Sounds like he has a special person in his life, you. He probably is as afraid of things not working right as you are.

Sometimes it's hard to leave work at work this could also be stress for him. Just be sure and welcome him home when he gets home from work.

Hope this helps.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

This man doesn't respect you.

He married you out of convenience and because he knows that you love and cater to him.

Don't think of ending your life over this d-i-c-k brain. I would demand that things change, or you walk out.

Either he values you enough to change, or he doesn't. Plain and simple...

And you're not going to be happy if this situation continues in this way. Life is too short to waste it with such a jerk.

Answer 10

Because he loves himself and not you. U can find someone to really love u and treat u like a princess. Every girl deserves that.