First of all, let me say that I don't want to dump him. He is sweet, charming, caring, funny and smart. He is also extremely frugal--when it comes to his own finances. He has a 18 year old hunk of junk car and he lives in a cheap apartment in the worst part of town. His socks have holes, his bedding has the stuffing coming out of it, he cuts his hair twice a year, and I don't think he's gotten a new pair of glasses since 1993. Simply put--he's cheap. He also makes 3 times the amount of money that I do. But, when we go out--somehow I end up paying for HIS $24.95 lobster dinner with wine and MY $7.95 hamburger and coke. We have holidays in a month, and I've told him the max I can spend is $700. He wants to go to Europe. I've told him to go without me many many many times. I have no problems with staying home and vegging, if it means peace of mind. Now we're fighting because I can't live up to his ideal lifestyle. What should I do?
2007-10-13 17:17:01 · 9 answers · asked by Jennifer M 2 in Business & Finance ➔ Personal Finance
Thank you all for the answers I have received to date. You have definitely given me some food for thought! I suppose I should clarify that I am NOT planning, nor going to, pay for his vacation. $700 is the maximum I can spend (on me) for this entire trip. He has said he will take care of the accomodations (because he has aeroplan miles to use--not actual money coming out of his pocket--might I add). When I tell him that I can't afford these exotic locations (because basically--that $700 will be used up on airfare), he gets upset because he knows I could use a credit card to make up the difference. He says that I shouldn't worry, that I spend too much time thinking about money and that for once I should have a good time. But I just know, that somehow, I will be suckered in to paying for things that I haven't accounted for. Is he right? Should I just forget about the cost and splurge anyway? He doesn't seem to understand that what takes him 2 weeks to pay off takes me 2 months.
2007-10-14 05:33:45 · update #1
It's great that he's sweet, charming, etc., but if you're dating him because you think he may be Mr. Right for you, ask yourself if you want to live like he does for the rest of your life. If the answer is "no", dump him now and your problem goes away.
If you really want to date him, let him know what your rules are. If you're old fashioned (and you expect him to pay for you on dates), tell him that. Frankly, if he makes 3 times what you do, you shouldn't EVER have to pay a dime. If you're okay with going Dutch, tell him.
Bottom line... let him know what your expectations are, and if he can live up to them, you're in business. If he can't, you'll have to choose between him and your money. One of them will have to go.
2007-10-13 17:29:04 · answer #1 · answered by Jim P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry, but this relationship is not going to work. How can he see finance in one way and not wanting the person he cares doing the same but the opposite? I am sorry, I don't think he really cares about you at all. Also if he is truly frugal how come he always goes on a splurge when you are paying. He is using you....stop see him. Or you can test him out by ask him to go dutch. I am sure he will split...or get mad at you again..because he cannot use you the way he wants. Just like the trip to Europe. Besides, you guys are only dating, why are you treat him the way you did? Paying for vacation? I mean, I don't mind sometimes a girl pay for dinners but a vacation?
2007-10-14 04:01:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but it sounds like he's using you.. which is strange when you consider how much more he makes than you do. Maybe that's part of the reason why he has so much money, because he let's you pay for everything.
You don't want to "lose" him, but he's definitely not being fair by expecting you to pay his way. What's up with that? I don't mind paying my share of things, but if a man doesn't have a willingness to take care of the bill then it's a signal to me that he's not going to be willing to take care of other important things as well.
Don't you dare pay his way to Europe, my dear! That's just making matters worse!
2007-10-13 17:28:23 · answer #3 · answered by sassylass 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To change him is a hard work as his behaviour most possibly take its roots in his family and childhood.
So, if you love him and don't want to get used to it then create a set of conditions/rules, let him know of those rules and follow them. After a while it might work out.
If you don't want to apply such an effort, then run away! There are lots of sweet and cute single people around, believe me :-)
2007-10-16 09:44:17 · answer #4 · answered by patternsboutique 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being a doormat, for one. I know that sounds mean, but you've got yourself a leech there. Find out in advance if he intends to pay and if not, go without him. You're doomed to a life of this if you don't train him now.
.
2007-10-13 17:25:46 · answer #5 · answered by Kacky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the advise my father gave me about men like that.
"Put him back where you found him" You'll end up a doormat. He is a user
2007-10-13 17:30:11 · answer #6 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hes using you.
hes saying for u to go too, so YOU can pay all the bills hes a penny pinching *****.
2007-10-13 17:32:15 · answer #7 · answered by young lovee. <33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you ever see his savings account, i bet he has 10 times as much as you do.
he is miserly.
from now on go dutch. (you pay for yours and he pays for his.)
2007-10-13 18:08:40 · answer #8 · answered by ramni222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is using you sweetie.
I know you don't want to dump him, but how many jobs are you willing to work to support his butt?
2007-10-13 17:25:39 · answer #9 · answered by Gem 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋