I was married for 15 years and my ex husband left me for someone else. I filed two months after he left and told me he no longer loved me. I started dating and then he told me he made a mistake. I told him it was too late. I kept dating this one man and realized I was trying to replace my ex with this new man. The new man is obsessed with me and I feel badly because I told him I loved him and that I would marry him. I now know after thinking hard that I was in love with the idea of having someone adore me. I still love my ex husband. We have two children, one who is four and the other who is thirteen. I am not sure if I can ever trust my ex again or if it is even worth trying. He is still seeing the woman he cheated with but claims he is not happy and will never be happy we are divorced. I am not sure what to do.
2007-10-13 16:29:36 · 15 answers · asked by bebe12 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel for you. My advice is to remember that love is blind. Dont let your feelings takeover your mind. You said yourself you can never trust him again and that is because you know deep down inside he will do it again. let us say for a moment you do go back with him, I can bet you that as soon as another girl comes knocking at his door he will drop you on the spot, tell you he does not love you anymore (just like he just did) and pretty much play you for a fool. It sounds like he is using you for rebound, it didn't work out with the other girl so now he wants to come running back. I say tell him that your really sorry that things turned out the way they did, but you refuse to degrade your self by taking back a cheating man. As far as your relationship with the other man, give it time and a fair shot. Let this mess blow over and see how you feel then. You may care about him allot more then you think, you are just distracted and confused because of all the stress you are going through. Good luck!
2007-10-13 16:41:28 · answer #1 · answered by lolabunny 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you ex really wanted to mend things with you he would leave this woman he cheated on you with - especially if he is all that unhappy. It isn't a good thing that you are trying to replace your ex with this guy because sometimes that never works, but it can work and you can be happy by accepting the love the new guy has to offer and remember that the love you feel for the ex is the love of the person who was with you for the 15 years. That person died the minute he left you and what you see now is the man who thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence and found out that it wasn't.
Ask yourself if you do love this man - since you told him that I think you must at least a little - and remember that just because you got into the relationship to have someone adore doesn't mean that you didn't find the right man to do that and make you happy.
2007-10-13 23:48:46 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is not a strong man if he stays with the other woman while he claims to be unhappy. a strong person would just leave the woman and be alone than with a woman and unhappy. that's how i see it. so, he is weak, he found out the grass is not greener, and he just wants things to go back to the way they were with no consequences. can you do that? that's the million dollar question. your relationship has permanently changed. the trust will never be as it was, and i don't believe things are better the second time around. you are better off not marrying him again and let him lie in the bed he made for himself. you are better than that and you need to let him know that. teach both your kids by example that cheating is not acceptable and there will be unpleasant consequences to the decision to cheat, as seen by the fact that you won't accept your ex to be your husband again. good luck
2007-10-13 23:35:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man shredded your heart, then stomped on it.
Now, he wants you back? That's the most ridiculous thing ever. He could have fought for you before the divorce papers were finalized...but no, he didn't.
Instead, he galavanted with another woman (Or women) and now, decides he wants back in your life?
Do you know for sure if he's changed? What if he does this once again?
I don't think this is a repairable situation. It's beyond repair, in fact.
Stay with the man who loves and respects you...Don't make any decisions you'll regret later. Trust me, you will regret going back to this two-timing jerk!
2007-10-14 02:50:18 · answer #4 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's still with her then don't do it. My friend wasn't married to the guy but he cheated on her, they broke up, he wanted her back, she said ok, he said he wouldn't cheat. That lasted a week. This happened three times. If you can't trust him then don't be with him because trust is a big thing and you should have it in a marriage. And if he hasn't left her then he isn't serious about either of you. He's weighing his options.
2007-10-13 23:37:54 · answer #5 · answered by kiki 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
for me, cheating is a non-negotiable thing. based on your story, how sure are you that his relationship with another woman is finally over? you should at least study his motives for wanting you back. maybe it's just ego for him because he never thought that other guys still want you. i have a friend who is in a similar situation. after the separation, she spent more time with her kid, and paid more attention to herself (traveled, pursued her nursing career, pampered herself by going to the gym, spa, salon). she never entertained another guy because she wanted to find her own self first. guys will come later when she is fully recovered and ready to have another relationship. maybe you should give yourself some time as well. get to know yourself again. pick up the pieces and move on. heal yourself. don't define yourself by having another relationship which you can't fully commit. the way i see it, your self confidence has been shattered by your ex-husband and you are trying to redeem it by having a relationship with another man. that's okay. although, i think it would be better if you don't. try to seek it within you. you are beautiful just being on your own. be sensible.
2007-10-13 23:46:34 · answer #6 · answered by periwinkle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hummmmm, my oppinion on the situation.. he needs u as his security blanket.. things arent as rosey as he thought with the mistress and now wants to hop back to you because he doesnt want to be alone.. if he truely loved you.. if he truely realized he made a mistake, Why is he still with her?? because he's stringing her along now in hopes u'll take him back but wont leave her till u say u'll take him back.. , You need to be single, ur with someone ur also using as a security blanket.. so you need to be honest with the guy your seeing, and either stop seeing him, or slow things down until ur ready.. From just this little bit that u've said, id think that your x would come back to you, but down the road when someone else peaked his interest he'd do it to u again.. because he's showing zero commitment to you by being with the mistress still if he wanted to prove that he loved u, that he made a horrible mistake he'd leave her and prove to you that he can be completely faithful to you..
If u take the x back, proceed with caution, make him prove to you that he loves you, make him "court" you again, take it slow, and see if he's for real or if he's just waiting till the next girl comes along, watch for signs , like wondering eyes, or him being around other women.. etc.. because i fear if u allow him back into the home, and back into your bed easily, he will think that this is ok to do to you and eventually he will again.. why? because if you forgave him once so easily, he'll figure you'll forgive him again..
2007-10-13 23:39:20 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's to bad and alittle late! You can go back but that would be very hard to do! Yes, some marriages work out but only if you get some kind of help! If it was me, I couldn't trust him cuz, I would always wonder if he out looking again when he isn't happy! You will find another guy to love but you have to love yourself first!!!! Good luck!
2007-10-13 23:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
the EX thing has not ever worked out! Once an EX always an EX!!!!
And if you do not have TRUST in the person than the relationship is doomed!
2007-10-13 23:32:53 · answer #9 · answered by silverearth1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way I look at it after the first time it just gets easier to cheat again.
2007-10-13 23:33:34 · answer #10 · answered by Tim O 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋