My writing?

Question

Just an idea that's been in my head...there's more to it but I didn't feel like publicly posting it.

To explain myself, it's a story I'm writing. This is just the first chapter, and it kinda sucks...maybe it'll get better later? Could you tell me what you think please? Be honest...it sucks, right?

The website is: http://taliaswritingco.myfreshblog.com/

Answer 1

As a fellow writer, I know you are looking for constructive criticism to make your writing better. Consequently, this is going to be a very poor critique, as I found very little I could tear apart.

I presume you are already a well-known author whose name we would immediately recognize, for your writing is that of a professional. If not you should be. The character building was excellant to the point where I had to stop reading about halfway through to wipe my eyes so I could see the words. You shouldn't do that to a poor old man like me...!

If you have submitted your work to agents and/or publishers and they did not snatch it up so fast that their answer nearly arrived before your submission was mailed, then they were not doing their jobs. What I read building the characters, scene and background was so great, I wonder what sort of story this is going to become, as it can still go any direction.

I suppose if I must tear this apart to critique it, the only thing that made me wonder a little was starting simply describing them as old and using the pronouns 'he' and 'they', then switching to 'The One' and 'The Other' and then just as quickly changing and calling them by their names as those outside their home might know them. Possibly slightly abrupt changes, however, notice I only said possibly, as this may simply be a difference in writing style between you and I.

As I was reading it I felt the line, 'Returning to the aforementioned topic of lights' seemed slightly out of place with the rest of the writing. Why? It seems to me the descriptive 'the aforementioned' would be more at home in a legal document or a technical description than a story. I would have left out the word 'aforementioned' rendering it 'Returning to the topic of lights' or more likely 'As to the lights,' or even 'Speaking of the lights,'.

Beyond that I thought it was excellant and look forward to reading the full book soon. However, I would caution against putting it all on the internet for free... Sell it. If the rest of the book is as good as this part, I am sure it will sell.

Good luck with your writing.

Answer 2

No it doesn't suck, and I would highly recommend you remove it from the internet post haste because you are ruining your chances of ever getting it published. Publishers and story competitions will not touch materiel previously posted on the internet because it involves lawyers working to establish true ownership, which is a major hassle. This story could (and should) be already clipped by somebody. It is certainly good enough with some minor editing to submit to a competition. As you can see, others are already asking you for the rest Please don't.

Don't think every work has to end up as a novel. Some just aren't. Some stay short stories quite happily and some even skip their way into novellas without begging to be longer. This isn't a novel. This is a story - a very simple love story. It is very reminiscent of Kurt Vonnegut's "Who are We This Time?" From Welcome to the Monkey House. Just a gentle, sweet story.

PLEASE remove this. Copyrights mean nothing. They are only as good as the lawyer you hire to enforce them and then only ifr you can find the person who stole your work to begin with. What do you do if that person is halfway around the globe? The answer is you do NOTHING. You just lost a story - and a good one at that.

Leave the post here - and the answers you got, but please delete that story from that website and save it because I have a feeling one day you could do something with that. And if you write to me, i would tell you what. I will not post that here and allow someone to steal your work. Send me a note.


----
They're, Their, There - Three Different Words.

Careful or you may wind up in my next novel.

Pax - C

Answer 3

It most certainly does NOT suck!
I sincerely hope that you are busy on the rest of the book. The imagery that comes to mind while reading this is very vivid. I seem to have a complete picture of this couple and their cozy little life. I would like to see just how they got there, and I think that possibly, that is what the rest of the story contains. I can think of nothing to critique on this.
That was wonderfully written, I wish only that I could write so well. It makes me feel like the hack that I am.

Answer 4

I'd take the plagiarism fears with a grain of salt. Lots of authors get published after posting on the internet or even self-publishing. Publishers want a good story and they'll buy it regardless if it's been posted on the internet or self-published.

Also, beware of e-mailing your story if you're convinced that you can't share it with anyone on the internet.

Also, you haven't lost a story, you would simply lose profit if all those fears could come true (and they never have).

No publisher is going to read a story that throws them to the floor and then pass on it because it's been on the internet. I know publishers -- they're in the business of publishing good stories and believe it or not, good stories are hard to come by.

Answer 5

Wow, not in the live have I read something like this. It's depressing, but on the other had it had it's brilliant, and wonderfully. I love there thought, just beautiful.

I hope you continue this! And Plz contact me [e-mail] I would love to read the rest.

Answer 6

I liked it, I think it was well written just not my kind of book, but if it was I would like it, I am sure.