When we are intimate, there are two particular things that I've tried and don't particularly like, both things are painful and/or uncomfortable. Since I've been refusing to do these things, He gets angry and offended and tells me to 'stop taking things away from him' it ends up in an argument, and therefore ruins a perfectly good intimate session.
In the initial stages, I agreed to do them to 'try them out' and now he says I'm going to take everything away from him, eg no sex at all! I really didnt mean to mislead him in the first instance, but he thinks I did. I just wanted to try them out and form an opinion on it.
Some advice as to how to handle this would be appreciated. Thank you
2007-10-13 15:58:48 · 23 answers · asked by Damo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes Bryan, I know I shouldn't be doing anything like that before marriage. But it's better to find out now than after being married and stuck with kids. Try before you buy, I say.
2007-10-13 16:15:25 · update #1
Both you and you significant other must be comfortable with any sexual acts. If you are not comfortable it makes the entire situation bad. He should respect your wishes. I am sure if you wanted to do something that he didn't want to try, he wouldn't just do it because you wanted.
2007-10-13 16:24:31 · answer #1 · answered by hi_stk_n 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sexuality and how people express it is a very individual thing. I think he needs to realize you've given it a go, but don't like it. If he really respects you, he should just try something you are both comfortable with. You are not a toy or a blowup doll, you have feelings. He needs to respect that. "Take everything away" sounds like emotional blackmail. If he can't handle ALL of you, tell him he can't have ANY of you. Plenty of more respectful guys in the world.
2007-10-13 23:06:59 · answer #2 · answered by Linni 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Intimacy and a good relationship are about mutual pleasure -- MUTUAL, not individual. You were more than generous to try things he wanted but he's a selfish, sadistic jerk to insist that you continue to do something that is painful or uncomfortable. It does not sound like he really cares about you at all. In fact, he sounds childish and unpleasant. It may be that he is sexually unskilled and is too rough with you or that he gets off on inflicting pain. In either case, you don't have to put up with that. If he won't apologize and compromise with you, dump him. Your body doesn't belong to him to do as he pleases (he seems to think so). It belongs to you and you have a right to have him treat it in a way that gives you pleasure, not pain. Tell him to grow up or get lost.
2007-10-13 23:10:43 · answer #3 · answered by c_kayak_fun 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He wants to do it and you don't so he gets angry means he is only with you for the sex. If he loved you he wouldn't push for things that you don't like or hurt you, but since he does push for those things and you don't agree - DON'T if it is painful or you don't want to - He will find someone else who will, perhaps a hooker or just someone else, and you take the risk of some type of disease which could take your life in time! He is not worth it! dump him!!
2007-10-13 23:18:13 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You boyfriend is a jerk, and obviously could care less about you. If what he does in the bedroom causes you pain and or discomfort and you have told him this, and he wants to continue to do these things to you, he only cares about himself. Don't let a man treat you this way, you will have serious issues later on when you finally decide to get married (hopefully you will find a nice guy to marry), and you don't want issues in the bedroom, then.
2007-10-13 23:06:31 · answer #5 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why dont u try 2 find a substitution for the things he want to tyr with u , like toys , for him, and if u cant do certain things say no, and if he cant accept that , well as u said u r not married and u saw what were u going to buy and its not good to get , so look for others lol
good luck
2007-10-13 23:24:01 · answer #6 · answered by michael 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Angry? Whoa, I can think of 2 things right off the bat that would make a woman uncomfortable and if he really cared about you, he wouldn't freak out like he does.
Are you sure you want this?
2007-10-13 23:07:29 · answer #7 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is not a loving guy. My guess is either you two do not know how to do these things or that you are confusing some porn that is done with tricks (or years of...porn like sex) with stuff you should be able to do now. Educate yourself and tell him to grow up some. Loving couple that do do these things AND enjoy them take time to figure out how to do them, how it is enjoyable and they also LEARN what it is that their partners do not like.
2007-10-13 23:06:05 · answer #8 · answered by GK 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dump him. He's selfish. You tried it and you don't enjoy it. And if he is getting angry that is also a very bad sign about his temperment. Trust me--anger over not getting his way is a very bad quality that could lead to abuse later.
He's also very insecure (by suggesting that you are going to withhold all sex--puhleeze!), and he's trying to manipulate you with guilt to get what he wants. Doesn't sound like healthy relationship dynamics to me at all.
2007-10-13 23:10:48 · answer #9 · answered by yip yip yip 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your approach sounds completely reasonable. If it is painful for you stand your ground and don't do it. He needs to respect your decision. When you are driving or out having a meal together next ,when he is receptive talk to him about how you feel about his angry response to you about intimacy. I genuinely hope things improve. Make sure you are being heard and respected. You deserve it.
2007-10-13 23:07:34 · answer #10 · answered by Mim 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋