My wedding is in nearly two weeks. What am I doing? My fiance and I have broken up so many times that I can't even count. We been engaged three official times with three official rings in the past two years and sundry minor breakups in between that too. We have very different issues with money. She's a realtor and makes good money when she has clients but her credit sucks. I've bought a house and car in my name for her but now she's having trouble paying for it. I know marriage is not easy but it seems like we're starting out on a low. If I decide not to go trhough with it, it will not be a clean and easy break because of the house and car. This will both of our second marriages. She has three kids. I was a step parent to two kids in my first marriage. That can complicate things too. I love her and feel awful for hurting her if I finally break it off.
2007-10-13 15:45:49 · 7 answers · asked by steele_cd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am 39 and she is 36. We are both self-employed. I am an art director. She's a realtor. Our combined income which is nearly equal contribution is well into six figures. She likes to spend money and places much more value on material things than I do. I have an old car that's paid for but falling apart. I lived in a small condo that was easily within my means. She talks about money constantly. I bought her the house and car because I have the awesome credit score. I seem to get involved with women that have cruddy credit scores. When we first met I had no debt and a substantial amount of cash in the bank. Now I'm living project to project and have a fair amount of debt to deal with. I love the house but hate the idea of having to stress and work to pay for it and take away from living and enjoying life. Her kids are pretty good. I think the breakdown comes with her inconsistent discipline. She thinks I'm a harda*s and sometimes I wonder if I am too.
2007-10-13 17:13:19 · update #1
Sounds that you are not secure about this at all. You have doubts about your future. But this is good. At least you are thinking things over carefully, you do have a sound mind weighing all the factors BEFORE you go ahead and tie the knots. I commend you for that. But you do know the clock is ticking... you have a short time now to finally come to a final decision. There are too many assets, personal things, family, feelings involved in that. I'm not encouraging you to break off with her but from an outsider point of view from what you described, it does sound like too many things for one man. It's hard to say no to our heart but we MUST use good judgement (reasoning powers). Because the practicality of married life is so different from the first honey moon days, you probably have heard that many times before. Think it over some more... you should not marry her out of pity of afraid to break off and hurt her feelings. You would hurt her feelings WORSE if you did marry her and later one changed your mind. Do you love her to the point that you are going to put up with all these situations involved? Can you handle her kids? Can you handle the fact that she will be a busy woman in her realty job, and also that she will be making more money than you (maybe... I dont know really, I'm just guessing here... )? If she makes so much money, why is she having trouble paying for the things you gave to her? This sounds like a lot of stress in your mind, my friend. Marriage is not easy, but you should really start as simple as possible. The least materially that you have (the more you have the more you have to care for... the more you have to work to pay for your stuff... less time you spend with your mate/family...have you heard that?), the better. How is her view on money, is she a big spender? Is she going to respect you? There are tons of things to really ponder about. Also the fact that you guys broke off so many times before... why did you have to have different rings for each make up time??? I hope you do make a wise decision. I'm sure everything is going to be alright at the end and you will find happiness!
2007-10-13 16:00:01 · answer #1 · answered by Bluemoon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already been engaged several times and broke up each time, neither of you are ready for a marriage. You need to get some counseling together and either go through with it this time or break up for good. Remember though that if you break up and hurt her, you will be hurting both of you unless you get these things resolved before the marriage takes place.
2007-10-13 15:56:18 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From your past breakups, that doesn't make the future look entirely bright. If you have second thoughts then call it off, even at the wedding. People might think it looks bad but you have to go with how you feel and dragging her along is just going to hurt worse in the end. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married and I'm so excited. We haven't figured out all our details but I'm not worried. It'll get taken care of and we're making plans together. I'm excited and happy, not nervous and worried. It sounds like you need to at least talk to her about your feelings. She might be hurt now but if it doesn't work out, in the end you'll both be hurt much worse.
2007-10-13 15:55:07 · answer #3 · answered by Rockit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a significant factor, it is a lifelong committment - it is not anything to take calmly. The indisputable fact that you're frightened is average for plenty of humans - it is simply anything you need to paintings by way of. If you realize you're with the proper man or woman your nervousness can be extra at the excited part instead than the "I'm doing the flawed factor" part.
2016-09-05 08:21:05 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you two has a lot on your plates already. i think it's better twice to think about this wedding, especially with the money issue clearly is a problem already.
but make sure that whatever your decision it is what you want. Pray ,ask God for guidance.
2007-10-13 15:51:08 · answer #5 · answered by Binibini 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT DO IT!!! are you religious? if not , then marriage shouldn't matter, just knowing that you love each other without any official document is fine. if you're haveing money problems as it is and things don't work out...then you will have another expense waiting for you.....DIVORCE PAPERS??!
2007-10-14 06:36:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i kinda depends on ur age if ur really young u shouldn't really be thinking of that.but if ur older its ok
2007-10-13 16:23:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋