How to stop being "distant"?

Question

I'm re-posting this cause I didn't really like the way the question was worded the first time.

I love my fiancee with all of my heart, and I know that this is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. There is no question in my mind.

That being said...lately I've been feeling a little bit distant, and he has commented on this as well. He asks what's wrong, but other than being tired, I can't really put a finger on anything. He's good to me...amazing. We are best friends, and we have a great sex life. We normally communicate well but for the last few days I just haven't really been interested in sex or even cuddling when we do see each other. I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything going on in my life (work, school, and keeping up our home)

I work third shift while he works first. He also doesn't have a set schedule, so he never knows if he will be working 6 hours or 16. (to be continued...)

It irritates me when he doesn't get home from work in time to see me before I leave. He thinks I'm mad at him, but I'm really just frustrated with the situation.

What can we do to get things back on track? We've gone through rough phases before, but we're not fighting at all. I just feel very distant from him. Is this just a normal phase of a relationship?

Answer 1

I'm also a married woman, and in the past my hubby and I have worked really long hours and only see each other before bedtime before we go to sleep and then the routine repeats. At first I became frustrated like you too, cos I felt we are like 'weekday-roommates' and 'weekend couples'. I'm angry inside for this distanced feeling but deep inside I know that he is also working hard to provide us with a good life.

I see that you are a very sensitive partner by recognising that you DO love each other, and the PROBLEM is that both of you have different schedules resulting not seeing much of each other and being overwhelmed by life-going-ons. You seem to be sincerely wanting to solve the problem instead of just pushing the blame on the other party. Bravo to you!

Now it's important to REMEMBER all the good things of this relationship (great sex life, communicate well, love from the heart, etc) and HOLD ON to them...always go back to them and remember why you fall in love in the first place! (it always works for me when I feel doubtful about our r'ship).

I find that relationships are like plants... when the weather gets rough, we have to add more fertilisers to keep it growing! So don't be discouraged cos sometimes couples can feel a little disconnected... that's when the plant is asking for a little more water!

Some ideas I can give:
1. Sit down together and find as many common blank slots in your schedules where you can squeeeeeze in some couple-time...a short lunch-meet, just to meet for coffee, a quick walk in the nearby park...10min, 30min, anything, just to see each other!

2. Plan your favourite activities to spend alone/with friends on those slots when you are free and he's not. You can bake your favourite cake quietly at home (to surprise your fiancee later, perhaps?), read, SHOP or go out with friends. It doesn't help to sit there and mop about a partner not being there. Sometimes we have to love ourselves first before we can love others. So go, PAMPER yourself! :)

3. SMS, email or leave love notes, hug before leaving for work/school to keep in contact throughout the day. It's amazing how much joy it brings me just to receive a *HUGS* in return in my mobile phone :)

4. Make a point to celebrate ALL special anniversaries/ days/holidays/birthdays etc...it'll add some spice to your busy lives :)

5. Finally, plan a holiday to getaway from it all sometime in the future!

That's all I have, good luck! (hope it's not too rambling :P)

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I think you identified for yourself why you are so distant: you are feeling overwhelmed. I suggest you are currently in emotional overload and this is just your subconscious way of creating some space for yourself so you can recharge your batteries.
Explain this to him and also make sure he understands you are frustrated with the situation, not with him.
I think that once you have acknowledged that you are in overload, at lot of it will ease because you know what the problem is. Try some relaxation techniques, even some deep breathing will help you regenerate. And hire a funny movie and laugh like a lunatic. It is a great release.

Answer 4

I may be 13 but....the way i view it is that there will be a time where everything is unorganized and you're confused about what to do. You guys should plan ahead-- plan a night that its just the two of you, & you can sort out things and make a schedule so you guys know when youll be home and be able to talk about your day and spend time together.
Overall, you just have to follow your heart.

Answer 5

I too was working 3rd shift and it reeks havoc on your entire relationship. Try to see if you can change shifts because you two should be on the same schedule, it makes enjoying life way easier when you can both cuddle and go to sleep at the same time. Plus you don't want to leave that bed empty for too long. Good Luck

Answer 6

Your relationship is like a garden. If you don't pick out any weeds or water it or give it enough sunlight, then it will go to pot. . .
Do not let the lack of sex continue or he will be tempted to look elsewhere and I'm not trying to scare you, but men have needs in this department that they all feel entitlted to at heart even if they say it doesn' t matter, OH BOY to them IT MATTERS!!! Go at a romantic dinner, and give each other sensual massages and see where it leads.

Answer 7

most women when we are expecting and we don't know it, we become very distant and i know i'm mother of 2. I think you should visit the doctor or buy a pregancy test. I wish you the best and i hope you can fix your problem with your husband there not many good man out there. Good luck!!!

Answer 8

I to work nights and my wife works days..At first we had the same problems, we also have 4 kids.....Just don't treat your relationship like work...Just tell each other every day you love them...

Answer 9

You need something to occupy your mind, like a hobby. You are constantly focused on him and nothing else. your bored.
Start quilting, scrapbooking, paint, sculpt. follow a politician's trail(yes its sucks but hey, it's something).