What can I do To make us both happy and whats up with my husband?

Question

We have been together for 8 years now have 2 beauitful boys and love each other a lot,but i have a problem with him wanting to do what he wants,when he wants whenever he wants!!Pretty much he wants cake &wants to eat it too.That dosent mean being with another,so he says?.He works 5 days a week ,a lot of hrs so we hardly see each other .I work 4 days and take care of our boys and the house.When it comes to the week end all he wants to do is go to the bar and is always doing stuff with other pepole!! I tell him we need to spend time 2gether and that he goes out 2 much when he dose have free time.. He gets mad and says i heckle him 2 much..So then i start to feel like he is cheating !I tell him all he has to do is spend time with me and i wouldnt feel like that but nothing changes!He dosent want me to leave so he says but he driving me that way!!I have given this all igot but he dosnt act like he cares!What can i do???

Answer 1

Try to entice him to stay home. Unbutton some of your buttons, or wear tight pants, or shorts, or something to show you off. Try a new hairdo. Give him a new look that's not the same ol' you (not a complete makeover). If that doesn't work, tell him that your friends would take the kids for a night so you could be alone. It's tough to get really sexy when kids are around. We had a detached garage and hired the girl next door to watch the kids while we "ran errands." The car never left the garage. good luck

Answer 2

Don't make it an issue when he does go out. I know it'll be hard for you. But, the less you make it an issue the less it will be an issue & he is going to say "hey, there is nothing I need to get away from after all." Also, you make some plans to go out on your own without him & the kids, even if its just to have coffee & window shop with someone. Let him know kindly ahead of time that you have plans & he needs to watch the boys. When he fights back (and he will) just ignore him and do your thing. Next time he goes out...say nothing, wish him well & tell you'll be there waiting for him when he gets home. Then you go out again. He'll realize how you feel soon enough. He can't have his cake & eat it too if you're not feeding it to him, right??? Good luck.

Answer 3

Next time he goes out to the bar call a lock smith and change the locks on all doors and make sure windows are locked.
If he doesn't get the hint and he goes off again then maybe it's time to try a trial separation.
Just leaving him is not the way to go. The kids come first and if they grow up watching all this then they in turn will think it's natural to treat women like that. Separation will give you two a chance to breathe and let the kids spend time with each of you and talk to them. They will have the hardest time if you up and left. If all else fails then do the extreme.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Find a babysitter and go out and see what you are missing. Men get bored when we are too available (even their wives) and they go seek the mysterious. So stop begging him to ALLOW you to be the one. Dress up, put on some lipstick, get your hair done. You know what I mean...spruce up.

Buy a new outfit or two that are for play (not a PTA mommy outfit or work outfit). Grab a girlfriend and go dancing. If you don't like dancing then do whatever it is that brings you joy and a good hard reason to laugh from your soul. A laughless woman is missing that glow and excitable energy. So Start enjoying yourself and living your life as an individual, not just a mother and a wife...like you were when you first met. Men are more attracted to a woman that has an individual agenda, and are easily bored when a woman wants to morph into him.

So...remember single life? Become interesting to him. Become interesting to yourself. He will wonder what you are laughing about.

Answer 5

Been there done that, luckily with no kids. That is a total lack of respect. My I finally saw that and it took me a year to get out. He left and came home when he wanted (swore he wasn't cheating) lied about work times, no conversation. If I asked what time it was he went into a rampage. He took a job as a bouncer in a bar and would leave at 10 and come home like 7am, that is a lack of respect. If he doesn't respect you he probably doesn't love you. Time for you to love you. The heart wants what the heart wants but the reality is you deserve to be happy. Sometimes we stay in realationships becaue we are afraid of being alone. Don't be, would it be better to live in a crazy world or have peace of mind

Answer 6

you're old sufficient to understand this. improve up. You by no skill have been given the possibility. You have been thrown from being a toddler into being an grownup. call it at the back of schedule marvel syndrome in case you like. while you're arguing in front of your babies, you may end NOW! communicate it over along with your companion and get counseling. do not pass the counseling! Do couples AND guy or woman counseling. your babies deserve the two a mom and father contained in the residing house. in case you the two can not be happy, a minimum of act happy for the infants sake. whilst they're grown, you may break up and pass your separate strategies. You made a dedication thrice along with your 3 babies. you do not in common terms walk out of that. there is wish for you and your loved ones yet you may physique of ideas it only such as you may the different venture. making plans, training and prepare.

Answer 7

First of all it sounds like you’re not married and being together for 8 years gives you some strength (common law marriage) but no security.

It’s time for you to lay down some rules and let him know that you are concerned and angry. It’s time for him to grow up and be a full time father and companion. Ask him how he’d feel if you “stuck” him with his 2 boys and went about your merry way on a Saturday morning. His boys need some “Daddy time” as well.

For a grown man to continually go out drinking with his friends and generally disappear for long periods, you have big problems. He is just reacting to you in a defensive way, putting the blame on you, when he barks that you heckle him too much.

Each of you need your “alone time” just to maintain your sanity. But it does not include mysterious disappearances and spending time at the local bar, your grown-up for Pete sake!

Answer 8

Well, instead of him going out, make him stay home with the kids and you go out. He probably isn't cheating on you, my husband use to be the same way (then he was deployed for a year and realized that he was actually wasting time by going out by himself). Honestly, if my husband wasn't deployed and the deployment hadn't changed him I probably would have left him. Its selfish and unfair, I love him to death and always will but I'm done playing games, I want my husband with me and sure he gets his time for himself but there is no more of this "going out alone every weekend bullshi*t", and if it starts up again I will divorce him. Tell him you aren't playing around and if his needing to be single is what drives you to divorce, then so be it. Obviously he can't let go of the single life so, put him back there, he's too comfortable now and has no threat of you leaving, threaten him.

Answer 9

He is being extremely selfish. Put your foot down. You are left holding the fort, while he goes off to play. He is not a child and has as much responsibility to make this relationship work as you do. Sounds like you are doing all of the giving ]giving him his own way] and he is doing all of the taking [ taking advantage]. Let him know that you are not taking any more. I take it that you have your own money ? Use it to leave. Don't threaten, he will take no notice. Just go, and then phone him and ask if he wants you back and what he will be prepared to do to make this happen. Be prepared to not come back.. If you won't do this try marriage councilling. If he won't do that then be prepared to spend the rest of your life like this, because its going to take one big wake-up call to get him to change. P.S Perhaps you should give him the option of marriage councilling before you leave, though I don't fancy your chances.

Answer 10

Easy - This is an answer to a lot of questions that I answer.

NLP for dummies -
I bought a copy at Barnes and Noble -
This is a great 300 page easy read book that will let you look into the human mind and how it operates. It will tell you how he has mapped out his world and how you can better communicate using his language. I am not saying that you have to change for him. This book will give an advantage to anyone who understands how other people are thinking and how they perceive the world. Based on body language and their words you will understand on how you can get them to listen based on your language.
It is something that you would have to read to understand. It is well worth the 30.00 dollar investment.
You will see in the book that there is a VAK and based on the language in your question you operate on more of a Kinestic level. Being you rely more on feelings and gut instincts while your husband operates?
Might be worth checking. If you do end up with the book let me know how you like it.
What can you loose? 30 bucks
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