how do I handle my husband?

Question

My husband and I have a business together he does the manual stuff and I run the office etc. My husband can be really mean when he wants to be. He tends to belittle me and finds everything I do wrong but never says anything if I do something right. His favorite line at the moment is "your not listening to me". I have no margin for error as he doesn't miss a thing if I do something wrong. If I try to defend myself it only makes it worse and he gets angrier and then just loses it completly. My husband has never hit me but he has come close on a few occasions. He tells me just to shut up and not say anything when he's in a mood as it only makes it worse. Can you suggest any ways I can deal with my husband so he can see I do alot of work and it isn't easy for me in the office.

thank you to everyone that has replied so far. Unfortunately I won't leave him probably till the day he actually does hit me (yes I know you think I'm stupid but leaving isn't as easy as saying it in words) I was hoping you could give me ways to difusse his anger or ways that I can talk to him about this problem we have.

Answer 1

Hi. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I was here late enough to see both your message and your added details and I do understand that it would be hard to leave...much easier said than done. I am concerned though because he is very abusive to you and I am afraid your self-esteem will be damaged by this man who is supposed to be one of your main supporters in life. I just don't really know how you can really reason with someone who is that rude.

I will do my best though. How about if you made an appointment to see a professional psychologist, one who does cognitive therapy. I am not talking about for him, I am talking about for you. Ask them how to deal with someone who is abusive like that...and what sort of things to tell him and all. They are the ones who will know best how to get him to turn his behavior around and besides...it will be good for you. I think you need to hear someone say that "he" is really the one with the problem. And I don't mean just any "someone", I mean someone who knows what they are talking about.

Here is a pointer. I often give this advice when on yahoo answers because I swear it works. Do not give him the power. Everytime he says something rude to you, make a simple statement, like..."I will not be emotionally abused by you" and leave the room. If he follows you, leave the house. Continue to do this and do not back down from it. Eventually, he will see he no longer has control. Hope this helps. I used to do that when my husband would yell because I didn't grow up in a home in which there was yelling so I felt very abused when he did it. When you leave them alone with their thoughts like that, amazing things happen. Good luck to you and I hope this helps.

Answer 2

I am sorry that the family business is so stress for you.
Your husband is the controlling type of person, but I think it is not a good idea he does it with you. You deserve more respect since you are investing a lot of yourself in it.
Talk to him in a neutral place, invite him to dine out and in a calm way explain how you feel and that this arrangement is bad for your marriage the way things are developing.
You might suggest he could hire a person in the office to help out because you don't want the professional life to interfere with the family life and marriage. if you need the money you could find another job as you have the experience to work.
also I would suggest a marriage counseling to find that special advice you need before the aggression escalates and than it will be a point of no return.
good luck

Answer 3

He is being abusive and I think he needs anger management. Perhaps some marriage counseling too although he doesn't seem like he'd be open to the idea. Maybe you should hire someone for the office and do something else. It doesn't sound like working together is going very well. I'm sorry, he doesn't sound like a nice man. You deserve better.

Answer 4

that is a no longer basic one to furnish a single answer to yet particularly calls for some exploring. In theory you attempt to adhere to the right procedures of dealing with destructive circumstances, polite, civil, calm etc.... yet while it comes all the way down to it if the subject concerns are provoked to the factor that they improve into burning subject concerns then the survival intuition kicks in and that i continually wish that as quickly as that occurs that I even have not made an entire and utter disaster of issues with my reaction. i'm saying that I emotionally show myself, could ought to cry, could ought to rant, could ought to confront and then blow off the steam based... regardless of if that's something unhappy like maximum cancers or a coronary heart attack ending yet yet another existence then for me in my view that's internalizes. I take that to coronary heart and it changes and outcomes my each and every theory and action yet under the exterior and that i do no longer administration, that's an instinctual reaction telling me to stay my existence as genuine as i'm able to for the reason which you will possibly be long gone in an on the spot. shop smiling back at you....:)

Answer 5

Well sweetheart unfortunatlly there is only one suggestion that I can think of. And that is either keep up and do what your doing, risking that it may turn up physically abusive, or let himm say what hes going to say, let it go in one ear and out the other, then when he is calm talking about it. And if he isn't willing to or gets pissed off for bringing it up, then you know he's not going to change. So quit the company.

Answer 6

Get out while you can if he has come close to hitting you on a few occasions next time might be the one that connects,he sounds like a bully and an @$$.

Answer 7

Marriage counseling or go. Honestly, I couldn't imagine anything else. Your job and your family relationship, all wrapped up in one abusive situation. You will give yourself cancer if you continue.

If it were me, I would simply be out of there, because I would never put up with what you're putting up with. But for some reason you seem to want it to continue... maybe kids? So I'd see a counselor. Alone if he won't go. Good luck.

Answer 8

these are warning signs soon you would be a victim of domestic violence you need to address the situation to him and let him know if this continue your out the door if you don't see any changes pack your bags and leave especially if its children involve you need to this asap because this could effect them and plus you could lose them

Answer 9

How to handle your husband? With both hands. Especially in your case.

Answer 10

Stop doing what you do now and he will see how much you do when the stuff don't get done.