What would you do?

Question

My son is 8mnths. His father is in prison. I received a letter from him in the mail stating that he had something to tell me, he has a 4mth old daughter. He went to prison in October and the young lady found out she was pregnant in December(even though this doesn't matter). The young lady doesn't even know his last name but decided to have his child!!! I need advice!!! What would you do if this was you??

Answer 1

well baby I'm going to tell u this..i know love is a m/f at times. but if u want a good life for u and Ur baby u need to make it. if u feel that u can make a good life for u and Ur son with this man who is not there for u r Ur son than go for it. but what i see and have saw in a few women's that i know and i know there is no way 2 make it happen. plus on top of things u have a son that i know that u want 2 see become a man 2 make a good woman a good husband and a good father to his kids. it's OK for him to know who his father is but u don't want him to follow in his father foot steps.so dear u need to let go and start over there r lots of men out there who r willing to help a young lady raise and take care of her son and to love u the way u r 2 be loved. with out fooling around on u, lying 2 u and getting their self into trouble and sent 2 prison. i know that this got to be a hurting thing for u at this time but times do get better and i will keep u in my pray. good luck..

Answer 2

Thing is really there isn't much you can do besides decide if you have any intentions on dealing with him in a relationship since it looks a lot like he was seeing someone while seeing you. I would simply ask him if he intends to take care of both children as they are his responsibility too but I would be leary of a relationship because no you know he was sleeping with someone else with no protection.....and she didn't even know his last name. Get what I mean? And I know how you feel, I had a 7 month old with a father in prison so be blessed, stay strong and keep in mind that you owe him nothing. Take care of your son and remember that he didn't have to go away so don't stess yourself about what he thinks, what he wants or anything like that. Take care of you and you son.
Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I don't fully understand your question because it never said that you two are/were married, so barring that, there's nothing for you to "do". As to her decision to have a baby without knowing his "last name", it could easily be recognition on her part that abortion is not birth control, and I applaud her for that conviction while knowing full well that she will likely have to do most of the work of rearing this child on her own. Actually, I suppose you DO need to decide how best to raise your child together, because involved or not (and other woman or not) there's a big job ahead of you both. (Besides, you know his last name and that information isn't exactly helping you any, is it?) You BOTH hooked up with a cheater who got you both pregnant, and I'm sorry that happened to you that way. But these two innocent and blameless children are brother and sister, and they both deserve (and are entitled to) all the love and support their parents can muster. Everything else is a secondary concern. I wish all of you the very best in this regard.

Answer 4

I'd take a look at the way my life was going and make some drastic changes. You made a bad choice in having a baby with this man. Did you know he was a crook when you hooked up or did love blind you. You owe it to your son to designate his father 'the sperm donor' turn your back on your mistakes and find a real man to help raise the little guy.

The last thing your little one needs is a bogus role model. He needs a stand up guy. And don't buy into the 'but it's blood' argument about his father. He's a loser and your son deserves better.

Be strong and make it happen.

Answer 5

Ideally; get a divorce, go to Vegas, get married to legally change your name and throw off any search for you your prison husband might try, and then annul the new marriage (unless you actually want to keep the new man as well as his name).

Realistically; get a divorce, you don't want this 'man' and his cow in your sons life. Get sole custody of your son while your x is in prison. live your life as though your x died. You may want to tell your son the truth some day, but he doesn't need that while he's so young and vulnerable.

Answer 6

I would get in touch with the pregnant young lady and see if the father told you the same stories and how similar your experiences were. Based on that, I would make a decision as to how much more to have to do with this man. Perhaps you will eventually find a man more suited for fatherhood.

Answer 7

This should not be a dilemma for you, it should be more or less a life choice for you to take control of your life for the sake of your child. You are dealing with a man in prison for whatever reason, and has a child with another women, so how important are you and the baby to him. What I would do if I were you is forget I even knew him, and love my child and me enough to move on with my life. Why are you even having trouble with this, it should not phase you after he has made a child with another women.

Answer 8

You have to love yourself and your child. If you love yourself than you would not want to have a man with a prison record who you cannot trust. He sleeps around and could give you aids and leave your child as an orphan. He will be taking half his future paychecks to pay for child support for the other womans love child. You made a mistake to breed a child with a guy like this. Love yourself. You have to rise above this situation and write this loser off. He has too many problems and you can't fix him. You have to put your child first.

Answer 9

If you were together when she got pregnant I would be kind of worried about how many other kids he has running around out there. You have to look at it as what is best for you. For you to be an effective parent you have to take care of your inner self first. Do you really want to stress constantly when he gets out about where and what and who he is doing, and are you ready to help raise another woman's child. If he is any kind of man he will take responcibility for his children and be a part of thier lives. And if you are going to be together you are going to be a part of all of that. YOu have to be very clear about what you want and where he is going to fit into that. Remember, just because you have a baby together does not mean you have to be together. You can be just as good a parent on your own.

Answer 10

Leave the guy. Your son doesn't need a dad that's in prison or a father that has another child with another woman. Neither do you. You can do better.