He doesn't respond well to the direct approach. We have been together for 12 years, married for 5. At first he said he didn't want kids (he also said he didn't want to get married - that changed). In the last couple years he has softened a little, but still says "maybe" when he's 36 - I'll be 36 then too (3 years away) and I'm concerned about waiting too long - and then he goes back to no, not sure again - arrgh. Anytime I bring it up though, he gets his back up. So I decided to play it cool and totally drop the subject, even to the point of making him think I've totally given up on it. So now... I'm thinking I could subtely pass on information that would make him think about it without any pressure. Any ideas? Short of getting him drunk and forgetting the birth control ;)
2007-10-13 12:33:20 · 9 answers · asked by Studious 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Forget the birth control and get pregnant...what can he do after that? Sink or swim...he better learn how to paddle.
2007-10-13 12:37:28 · answer #1 · answered by Grand Poobah 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Whoa, the last thing you want to do is get pregnant without his knowledge, he is free to leave whenever he chooses....if he thinks you were being manipulative. I would talk to him again because you seem like you are really ready to be a mom. Ask him what the drawbacks are and what is making him hesitant with being argumentative. You may just have to settle to the fact that he really does not want children. People don't always see a newborn and get the motherly or fatherly instinct right there. Some of them run. Sometimes it's a control issure, sometimes they are afraid of the unknown or even of failing as a parent. Try talking to him and ask him what he thinks you should do since both your opinions matter and you want opposite things. It matters that you want children and it matters that he doesn't but it is causing only you to sacrifice to make him happy. Talking is the only solution.
2007-10-13 19:44:31 · answer #2 · answered by betterthanhers 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If u wanted kids from the get go and he didn`t, why did you marry him?
A Zebra doesn`t change his stripes. Sounds like he wants nothing to do with kids. If you accidentally get pregant, it may be sink or swim but you may also land up the loser in this, no man and a child to raise as a single Mom.
Being quiet isn`t helping anything. You`re in your child bearing years now. Find out FOR SURE what his stance is. If your clock is ticking it`s time to srike 12, with him or without him.
This feeling won`t subside . Do what`s right for you, you`re not being selfish. If he doesn`t want kids and you do, he`s the wrong guy for you, 12 years or not.
2007-10-13 19:44:17 · answer #3 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything on the sly, that just has bad news written all over it. Unfortunately, you can not describe the wonderful unconditional love that a child has for their father. Ask him what is a family for or where does he se himself 10 years from now? Just hanging out with you two? Get him to talk to the other Dads that are your friends. If you don't have any couple freinds that are parents then that may also be part of the problem.
2007-10-13 21:56:51 · answer #4 · answered by GK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will be DIRECT with you
ONly have kids with him if he wants to...you knew before you married that he does not want kids( you have been together 12yrs)..Do not get pregnant without you two planning it..other wise you just might lose him..
If you knew you wanted kids you should have found yourself a man that wanted children too
Do not trick him into being a father or you will raise the children by yourself..Children are NOt for every one.
Marriage does not equal children ..no matter what tradition says.
2007-10-13 20:22:33 · answer #5 · answered by ME 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always better to manipulate someone to get what you want, isn't it? Actually having a relationship with someone who fits the requirement was out of the question. One day it will all backfire and you'll wonder why. When you did nothing wrong.
2007-10-13 19:54:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you're in a tough spot. he doesn't want kids. you do. it is completely unfair to force kids on people who do not want them. women's rights activists have worked hard to make sure that women don't have to.
you know he didn't want kids. if it was important to you, maybe you should have thought twice about marrying him.
if he is anti-child, it would also be unfair for the children--kids know when they're not wanted even if nobody tells them.
2007-10-13 19:40:15 · answer #7 · answered by jealous elf 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you cant convince someone to do something they dont want to do and you know maybe you should have thought about that before you got married to someone who does not want kids .
2007-10-13 20:00:07 · answer #8 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't respect your husband why are you still married to him?
2007-10-13 23:38:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋