My husband is not one to push. When I met him he said he never wanted to get married and never wanted to have kids. For the next 9 months i NEVER brought up marraige or kids and he ended up proposing to me...he also said, he was happy that I didn't ever pressure him.
We've now been married for a little over a year. I am 24, he is 34. I want a baby soooo badly. He...well, he keeps saying stuff like, "When you're pregnant..." or he points to a pregnant woman and says, "That will be you one day." or he writes to his friend who just had a baby, "Can't wait to have one of our own someday."
I quit smoking and drinking and started dieting and exercising. I am ready...but I don't want to pressure him...I think he wants to have a baby, but is he just saying that to keep my hopes up? What makes me say that is that I told him I wanted a baby when I was 24 a few years ago....well, now that can't happen and he doesn't ever bring it up?
2007-10-13 11:52:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I just am not sure how to bring this up without "pressuring" him. I don't want to pressure him, and have him turned off of the idea.
I'm ready...and I can't wait to have a baby with this man. He'd make a WONDERFUL father...
2007-10-13 11:54:04 · update #1
If he has made the comments that you have stated, then he is getting more and more used to the idea. I agree with not pressuring him, but it couldn't hurt to have a conversation about it the next time he brings it up. WAIT until he says something like that again, and then try to have a mature conversation about how far in the future he sees you "like that". Good luck, I have a hubby who pushes back when he is pushed too!!
2007-10-13 12:10:44 · answer #1 · answered by mel s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a friend who is 30 married to a 44 year old. She wanted children, but found in him her perfect best friend. So she married him hoping in the back of her mind she will get a chance to change HIS mind. Don't ever marry a man under false pretenses... You have always wanted to have a child so that should have been a deal breaker. Oopsie! You blew it.
Now is the time to consider this? You have a need for a child, he does not want ne why in the heck are you wasting your time in this relationship???
Or, then again, maybe he wasn't sure but he said no kids as a defense mechanism -> to make sure, tell him you need help deciding which room to make into the nursery... Do not blow up at him what ever he says because it'll just make him that more defensive. Listen to him, don't argue or make comments, an if he says few words, ask him sweetly "define that please..." or "please help me undestand..."
Once he's got about an hour in about his feelings, then you can give him your feelings s succintly and SWEETLY as possible. If he's not sure, but not totally against it, say you'll wait a little longer but in the meanwhile you two will start spending more time with family and friends with kids (well-mannered and friendly kids mind you or he'll go nuts) and maybe he'll get a little paternal instincts going.
Do not trick him into getting you pregnant. Do not force it. Either he wants it or divorce him and get someone who does.
2007-10-13 19:09:17 · answer #2 · answered by unlv_engineer 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I say bring it up the next time he makes a comment like that. You are so right men don't like to be pressured. My husband and I go back and forth with how many we want and when we'll be ready for another. I let him bring it up though then the pressure is never there. So, next time he says "When you're pregnant..." Say "I'm ready when you are" just keep it light.
2007-10-13 19:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by taken 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you have to tiptoe around subjects in fear you may not get what you want? What kind of marriage is that... you should state clearly you would like a child now or soon, whenever you are planning on trying, and see where it goes from there. If he claims you bringing that up pressures him too much, then I would think twice about having children with him.
2007-10-13 19:13:33 · answer #4 · answered by xuliganwhit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jsut casual talk to him about it. say what do you think of me having a baby soon? hes 34 and should start thinking about family. babies are the best im 20 just had my first and hes has made my life that much better. ask him if you could get off birth control? maybe you could start the conversation off with what if i got pregnant? waht would you do would you be happy? good luck to you keep us posted
2007-10-13 18:58:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't bring up such an important question to him how are you going to resolve other conflicts that come up in a marriage? Communication is EXTREMELY important. If you know someone that had a baby recently bring them up in conversation and edge into a baby plan discussion.
2007-10-13 18:59:04 · answer #6 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The next time he comments about "when you're pregnant," casually ask if he wants to stop using protection and see what happens. That'll put the ball in his court, and you can see how he's feeling about the whole thing then. :)
2007-10-13 20:33:30 · answer #7 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talking about something that is on your mind is not pressuring him.
are you not allowed to talk about these things with him that are important, like babies, money, discipline, sex etc...?
he is teasing you by making comments like " when you're pregnant", but at the same time not even opening up to talk to you if he does infact want babies at all??
get straight with him, thats not pressure, its called TALKING.
Both of you need to get on the same page as husband and wife.
2007-10-13 19:01:44 · answer #8 · answered by dot 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he wants one otherwise why would he keep saying all of that stuff. how about you just talk to him about it. just tell him you want to see if your both on the same page. or if your on birth control just say how would you feel if we stopped using birth control and see what happens.
2007-10-13 19:28:00 · answer #9 · answered by Supermommy!!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell him how you feel and if he loves you and feels the same then it should not even be a problem
2007-10-13 19:02:25 · answer #10 · answered by New Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋