I have a friend who dated someone on and off for 4 years. It is a very up and down relationship in his words. He found out she she was pregnant during one of their good spells, so they rushed to the altar and got married within the month just because she was pregnant. They are both older and independent people but why would they think that this is a good thing to do when their relationship has been rocky since the start? Do they just want to get divorced eventually? Oh yeah, the guy had been talking a lot with his ex girlfriend, did not tell her that he was dating much less getting married or that she was pregnant during this time.
2007-10-13 11:16:00 · 16 answers · asked by 123452 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not trying to be cynical or jumping to assumptions - I know the guy well for over 10 years and I hope for all the best but the circumstances aren't great and he was never the marrying kind so to get married now to me is kind of making things worse. The child is the most important thing out of all this and I hope they can maintain some sort of relationship regardless of what happens between them for their child's sake.
2007-10-13 11:54:26 · update #1
It's traditionally undesirable to have a a child out of wedlock. Those children are considered bastards. Things seem to be heading away from that as the idea of family becomes less traditional. These people must still have those traditional values.
2007-10-13 11:19:44 · answer #1 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did it and after not even a year of marriage I am separated! I did it so that my son could have 2 parents and a loving family! I also felt like I had to....I honestly don't know why! I thought at the time that it was the best/right thing to do, but know I am unsure if I should make my marriage work for my sons sake!
My husband and I are only 20, we meet in high school and dated for 2 years and have been married for 1 year!
2007-10-13 12:57:08 · answer #2 · answered by Ryan's Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of men think its the "manly" thing to do when his girl gets pregnant to jump to the alter. But that is the biggest mistake you can make. Maybe it was HER idea to get married because she didn't want a child born outta wedlock, but again that's a BAD idea. You say they are both older independent people, but apparen'tly the choices they make in life arent smart ones. I mean if they sat down and discussed this and decided to do it, then fine, God be with them, but if brotha man was or is still talking to his ex girl, disaster will strike and very soon. I pray that negativity doest surround their decision and that their child is born into a lasting and loving marriage. Maybe they will grow together and become stronger and make it work, only time will tell.
2007-10-13 11:28:31 · answer #3 · answered by sxyqueenladyc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some do it for their families -- many still do not believe in sex, much less having children, out of wedlock. Some do it because they feel it gives their relationship legitimacy.
But the best reason, I think, is for the kid. It's certainly better to have a loving mother/father to be there with you, but as the product of a tumultuous marriage/divorce, I can safely say it's sometimes best to stay separated.
It's possible to raise a child together but separately, with both parents being able to show their love for their child without being in a relationship. It might not be ideal, but neither is having to watch your parents fight all the time, bad-mouth each other, and maybe even commit abuse. It all comes down to what's best for the kid if you ask me.
2007-10-13 11:24:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
People think "doing the right thing" by the child is getting married. That way the child has 2 parents in the home.
Sadly, many work their lives backwards by jumping into a relationship, creating a child and then hoping to fall in love. They have it all ***-backwards and the child suffers most.
2007-10-13 11:19:15 · answer #5 · answered by Lynn A 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok.. it is obvious that he doesnt care for you as much you care for him. You need to have a serious chat within and help him to decide what choice he wants to make because no one can stop him due to human rights. I recommend that you have a chat with him and talk about both of you in a relationship and how well you and him got along with eachother and point out that the new girl could just leave him when he gets to america and then where would he be??? he would be alone in america... Hope this advice helped just try to make him understand how much you feel for him because he might begin to realise that his heart belongs to you.
2016-05-22 06:42:11 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married when a baby is on the way is for the CHILD. 95% of couples who are unmarried when the child is born have split before the child enters kindergarten. Even marriages where they 'had to' get married have better success than that. I don't think your friends need your cynical viewpoint. They have enough to deal with.
2007-10-13 11:19:50 · answer #7 · answered by TotalRecipeHound 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
me i know a guy who had about the same thing happen and married the so called female used the child as a weapon and a pawn to get him to marry her... i dont believe in marrying for a child to save a relationship to much to put on a child and resentment on the couple.. if there is no love in the the relationship to begin with there is danger brewing.. there is enough abuse in this world why add to it... there is other ways...
2007-10-13 14:02:03 · answer #8 · answered by susan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, just maybe, sometimes it isn't all about "me"
Sometimes others need to come first, such as the child that needs a family.
Please support these friends, and if you are a good friend, help them to get into a marriage counselling situation. Don't tear them down they are trying to do the right thing.
2007-10-13 11:19:45 · answer #9 · answered by greengo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he will get divorced, eventually
as you are right
if you cannot maintain a relationship
and go through extreme up and downs
and then on one of the up cycles she got pregnant because she wanted a child ( otherwise she would have taken protection ), it will fail when the cycle flattens out on the bad side, and the child will be in the middle
2007-10-13 11:49:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋