Just a poem I wrote. You can comment if you wish.?

Question

i got lost

Sometimes I fall down, without getting up,
Most of the time I don't care.
But now I am closer than ever before.
With no way to silence my pain.

Somehow, someway, it seems I got lost,
On that same dark road again.
I wish there was a way, that I could get back,
Turn back the hands of time again.

What do you see when your eyes are closed tight,
What do you feel deep, down and inside.
Why do I even try to comprehend pain,
Why don't I just give it up, walk away.

I've tread on this path so many times,
Tried to forget, but the hurt is still here.
Trying to learn the nature of soul,
Why doesn't everyone just stay away.

Eyes that may open, yet still fail to see,
The depths of a bleak reality
The silent waves of a pitch black sea,
Laying waste to the last bits left of me.

Yes I really wrote this. The opening line is something that happens to me all the time. Thats how the poem came to me. Hip replacement surgery will do that to you,

Answer 1

Sounds like a modern Shakesperian-soliloquy. It is a masterpiece indeed. Is different. Well job baby!!!!

Love you
Mrs. Enrici

Answer 2

Very nicely done. You have the heart of a poet. Keep Writing.


My poetic reply to you:

Once you are down, the only way is up
out of the darkness and away from its bitter cup.
Not lost and alone just confused, you are strong,
you can lift up your heart and create a new song.

Just close your eyes and dare to dream
keep hope in your heart and silence the scream
you know how to sail over dark raging seas
to chart a new course beyond a bleak reality.

Let your heart soar with birds on the wing
the pain will move through you, so let it be;
its power can propel you as never before and
time can then move you
toward a bright new shore.

Answer 3

Very superb imagery, yet i'm not partial to the form. while you are going to rhyme, set up a development and follow it. Having line a million and a pair of rhyme, then having 2 and four, and then 2 and 3... that style of element is everywhere and style of unsightly. you're extra ideal off doing something like this without attempting to rhyme, and easily focusing on the rhythm. you have very sturdy skill for writing poetry in spite of the shown fact that. I even have study lots worse.

Answer 4

I love the description.
This is what life is like for some of us.
You sound as if you are searching for something - a meaning in your life?

Answer 5

It's amazing, you truly have talent! If it were me I would say "What do you feel deep down inside" rather than "What do you feel deep, down and inside". But other than that it is a masterpiece.

Answer 6

did u really write that? sounds like something you don't just start writing. vry vry nice though