Back in July my husband of 8 yrs. up and left me for another woman he found online for sex. My friends and family are so supportive everyone keeps telling me to take care of myself, my daughter (from a previous marriage), and everything else will evantually just fall into place. We have no children together and he did not leave me financially strapped. I always kept everything financially seperate from this man including my house and bank acct. I am haunted in my house of memories of him & even driving through town. Will this awful feeling ever go away? I know time heals all wounds but I feel like I am traumatized by what he did to me. I look back & see that he really wasn't that good of a husband. He did not treat me the way I deserved to be treated being the loyal, caring wife that I was. I'm trying to move forward but it is so hard. I almost have the feeling that I will never meet a nice man or ever trust another one again.
2007-10-13 10:45:28 · 31 answers · asked by texas_redlips 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You really have to start to move on. It is very difficult but you will have to make radical changes. If you can, sell your house and move to another house. This way, you can start again, without the memories. Decorate your house according to your personal needs, doing all those things that you would not if you have a man in the house. Try to find a hobby that is new and exciting. For now, forget about meeting somebody. Only work on yourself, your self image, building a new life and meeting people. Get involved in community organisations if you can but most important, enjoy your free time. I know how hard it is, I have been through that. But living 100%, doing new things, try adventure, that is the only way. Good luck
2007-10-13 10:53:10 · answer #1 · answered by ssncnmks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry that this has happened to you. Yes you are feeling traumatized because you were. It has only been since July so yes of course you are still grieving and feeling terrible. I know that things will keep playing over and over in your head. Please be assured that you will feel better. It will not happen all at once. You will just start by feeling a little better every day. It may even take a couple of years for you to feel like yourself again. Do not be discouraged! Give yourself time. I know that the breaking of the trust has left you devastated but you will also come to realize that you can trust yourself. For now- do not worry about whether you will meet a nice man. Right now- get to know and love yourself. Realize that this was not your fault. No matter what anyone says, really it was not your fault. If you still find these feelings to be completely unbearable then seek professional counseling. It always helps to talk to someone and if you feel as though your obsession (which it will be for a while and is perfectly normal) is too much of a burden on your friends and family to listen to, then Please get counseling. Best of luck to you. Remember that it does take time.
2007-10-13 10:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by dances with cats 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first off nothing just falls into place you have to put it there.
secondly I don't know the whole story look at yourself try and see if you really were the kind and loving wife you thought you were.
my thoughts you weren't just by your statement that your not financially strapped due to the fact you kept everything separate
shows a severe lack of trust. (just an example)
I am in no way accusing you he may just be a bas$%#d there are a lot of them out there.
alas if he was such a bad husband what memories are haunting you? bad ones?
but look at yourself with honest eyes and what you did in those 8 years and look at him the same compare then you'll know
but yes time will find you feeling better regardless
and as for never trusting another man well did you ever really deep down even trust this one?
don't get me wrong cheating is unforgivable and what he did was wrong no matter what unless you were cheating too but i'll take your word for it and say you weren't.
2007-10-13 10:56:05 · answer #3 · answered by Nick 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You answered you own question to be honest. You will heal, but it will take time. My husband for 2 years was emotionally abusive and left me for another woman as well. I was devastated initially, but I've gotten better. I'm learning to trust again. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, who treats me like I deserve to be treated. We hae been together fo 6 months now. :)
In the meantime, making positive changes in your life will help immensely. You mentioned that your home is filled with bad memories. Are financially able to move at the moment? It would get you out of that house, away from the memories, and let you start fresh. I ended up moving out of state to get away from my ex and the memories. You could also try taking up a new hobby. It will distract you from your thoughts, help you meet new people, and it will feel great to do something positive for yourself. Maybe try a dance or yoga class.
I hope this helps!
2007-10-13 10:59:09 · answer #4 · answered by Imbue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a wonderful person and a great parent (mother).
It is so sad when marriages do not work out or last. Somehow , you were so smart not be left financially strapped, but that does not ease the pain you are feeling from the betrayment. I think you have to realize the goodness and worth that you know you have, and communicate with family and friends who really know you and will support you. It will take time, as you are well aware, but eventually you will be able to meet someone and gradually develop trust in each other, and , if you choose, share your life together. If you feel you need more support, consult your pastor, a social worker, or psychologist to help you through this most difficult time.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.
2007-10-13 10:58:57 · answer #5 · answered by Sparty 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
First find something to occupy your time like a new hobby or gym classes.
Then, if you're going to stay in this place that make you feel so bad you should redecorate. Change the way things look, move furniture, repaint the walls a new color change rooms around. Do whatever you want with the place.
Then know that you are still worth a lot. You don't need a new relationship right now and probably want be ready for awhile. When you are ready remember that you are a woman and guys are really into that ; )
2007-10-13 10:54:51 · answer #6 · answered by questioning 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it does help to move but than your letting what he did to u deprive u of your home, your town, its never a good idea to move away and run from it. it won't go away but it does diminish in time and u will feel better eventually. it is an awful feeling and it hurts alot, its actually how u are dealing with it and seeing it. helping others helps your own grief it makes u focus on others and not yourself. i wish i could say it would be gone tomorrow but it won't, just know that this had nothing to do with you or anything u did, this is all about who he is and his character, and know that your rid of him now and u still got your stuff and your house. and in order to meet a new man u will have to get past the man your grieving for, get some grief counseling because when someone leaves u, it is like a death. u had hopes and dreams and gave him your heart, only he didn't treat u very well, just be patient and pray for what u want in life and it will come to u.
2007-10-13 16:04:01 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to find another man right now. In fact, that'd be the worst thing for you at the moment. You need time to just go through the feeling crappy part. You're going to mourn and you're going to feel hurt. It really is a matter of time. Distract yourself with other things..aka moving on with life. You need to build a new life and a new you that doesn't include the prick. You will regain your confidence and know when you're ready to date again. You might consider counseling as well. Sometimes, it helps to have someone to talk to and a good counselor can guide you through all of this.
2007-10-13 10:50:33 · answer #8 · answered by jehovah_nostra 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hey, hon.. we have all be there..!!!!!!!!
it is from feeling like u were soooo stupid,, why couldn't I see what he really was.. ????
it is doubting ur self again.. it is from feeling like a fool over this guy..
it is called SHAME..
yes,, u will get past it.. in time..
take it a day at a time..
one foot in front of the other.. take it slow..
there is a lesson to be learned here.. and God doesn't want u to repeat it again..so pay attention...
The awful feeling will go away.. get ur self busy,, into bowling or volunteer at a host.. don't give ur self time to think about him.. don't brew over him.. he is not worth it..
he has moved on.. and u need to do the same thing..
do u have a Moose Lodge in ur city.. ?? they have lots to do there.. and it does not cost.. ck it out//
In another year u will be a new person..
and have a whole new attitude.. .
. just pray for forgiveness.. and knowledge.. for the future..
2007-10-13 10:59:00 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to get away maybe take some time and go someplace new and start creating new memories. Time does heal but never quick enough it seems. It's great to hear that you realize it was about him and not you when he left. Don't let that guy ruin men for you there are tons of great ones out there looking for a loyal, caring person. It was definatly his loss when he left.
2007-10-13 11:37:07 · answer #10 · answered by taken 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋