My husband cheated on me right a couple of months before we got married and I thought that I forgave him and he always says that I told him I forgave him so why do I still bring it up. Now 2 years later our relationship is falling apart, I have gained some weight after having our first child together and he is so mean to me all the time. He ignores me, we never talk about the reason we argue, we never end the fights I just end up walking away. I dont know how I am supposed to really forgive him when he treats me so badly. Also he is so happy around other women even his cousin (which makes me wonder sometimes) that is a whole different story but he will ignore me in front of them and he is never happy around me anymore. Can anyone help?
2007-10-13 10:18:45 · 9 answers · asked by Victoria A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Something is bothering him deeply about your relationship, and he is afraid to talk about it. He avoids emotional intimacy with you because the real issue is something he does not feel can be solved. He is either afraid of hurting you, or he is afraid his feelings toward you have changed and cannot be restored- so he chooses to stay silent. You guys need to see a marriage counselor. There are plenty out there- and if cost is a problem, many churches will provide this service for free. I do hope you will actively pursue some intervention for your marriage, which is still savable if you act now.
2007-10-13 10:29:24 · answer #1 · answered by Truth Warrior 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you forgive, you first make the mental decision to forgive and you pray for the person, and every time it comes to your mind, you remind yourself that you have forgiven and pray again, keep doing this and sooner or later the forgiveness with reach your heart.
I suggest reverse tactics, you need to turn the tables on him. Don't be mean just become distant and unconcerned. Don't call after him, don't look for him. Hardly even notice when he comes home. Find something else to do. He is too sure about you. You need to put some mystery into the mix. If you can be strong and hold out, he will come around eventually to find out why you are not insecure any more.
Just because you gained a little weight after being pg, that is no excuse for him to be mean to you. Every ones body changes after child birth, if anything he should be more attentive to you, and kinder to you, you have given birth to his child.
He is selfish and mean. Pray for him. I will too.
2007-10-13 10:31:41 · answer #2 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're stuck in a cycle and it is up to you to break it if you want it broken. You mention him alot in your question. Try focusing on You. I know that is hard when you feel he has wronged you but ask yourself what you want and demand it. Come to him humbly and truthfully in a moment when things are going good not bad and say honey this is what I feel. Don't say this is what YOU did. Focus on yourself. Tell him what you feel and he can't argue with that. Then tell him what you want from him and have him answer whether or not he is willing to give it to you. Admit your mistakes first and then WAIT for him to admit his. Make a personal oath to change YOUR attitude and bit by bit he may come around. He is happy around other women because his relationship with them is simple and not heated. Yours can be that way if you make it.
Lastly, if you say you forgive him do so! By the way you started by saying "I thought that I forgave him" it doesn't sound like you actually do. If not call it quits for both your sakes. Life is TOOO short! Good Luck
2007-10-13 10:28:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like you really forgave him the first time he cheated or you would not have reason to bring it up again.
You have a choice to make. Do you want to stay with someone who already cheated on you once, seems unhappy or uncomfortable to be around you now, and makes you feel bad about yourself.
Or do you want to cut your losses now, leave him and get one with your life and find someone who will appreciate and love you for who you are and won't even think of cheating on you.
You know the answer girl, I would choose door number 2
Good luck to you
2007-10-13 10:31:53 · answer #4 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was the red flag to walk away. You had hope, and you kept going.
Now again, it is time to walk away. When was this relationship good? Life isn't supposed to be so hard.
Would you want this for your child? If not, why do you think you deserve less?
2007-10-13 10:34:25 · answer #5 · answered by barrwiese 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You marrigae is on very rocky ground. You have unresolved issues about the cheating that's why you keep bringing it up.
He is/was unsure of this marriage from the begining.
I would not be a bit surprised to hear he is cheating on you now or at least going in that direction.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
2007-10-13 10:27:45 · answer #6 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You really need to sit down with him and talk to him. Ask Him what he wants. Find out how he feels and you will know what to do. Make sure you tell him how you feel. Turn off the t.v., computer, radio, and any other distractions. If the two of you cant talk about it you should end it.
2007-10-13 10:32:00 · answer #7 · answered by ladymocha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just got rid of my husband for lack of communication. He always seem happier with everyone else. I am a small person and look very good for my age. I don't feel sorry for either of us and I'm going on with me. If he won't communicate, is treating you badly, is preferring others over you...honey, no one needs to tell you what to do because you already know what to do. Please don't leave one and go out there and get another. Be good to you and go on.
2007-10-13 10:25:49 · answer #8 · answered by IWTK 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
maybe he cant forgive himself... i think you already know where this is going. sometimes things just dont work out. youre suppose to be the most important in his life, and he treats you like that? forget him!
2007-10-13 11:01:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋