Is a broken marriage worth staying in because of your kids?

Question

my husbands a cheater caught (twice). And I think I hate him but our children adore him. Should I suck it up and be miserable for them? And I've kicked him out of the house so were obviously seperated. Would I be cheating if I decided to go on with my life? Since he wont pay for the divorce. I am a college student JR. and a security guard his income is triple what I make, really i just want out

Answer 1

no
you need to make yourself happy to raise happy children...no one wants to see their mother upset or depressed

just get out if thats what you want

Answer 2

I did research on this. There was at least one study that showed that among couples with marital discord, who decided to stay together anyway for the kids, after 5 years TWO-THIRDS of those couples were actually happy again! And the ones who divorced weren't necessarily happier after their divorce than they had been while in the marriage. In our society, we seem to think that if something isn't working for us "right now", we should just toss it aside. Whatever happened to persevering and making things better as a joint effort? Nobody is ever happy all the time. There will always be ups and downs on everyone's path. During times like these, it's often very tempting to want to shed our current lifestyle for one that looks better on the surface. But like that study showed, just waiting it out could prove well worth it in the long run. Delayed gratification is the key word here. :) And yes, it is definitely common knowledge that children from broken homes have problems they wouldn't otherwise have. Boys suffer from lack of their father's influence in their daily lives, and girls without fathers in the home are more likely to be targeted by an older predator. (This happened to me as a teenager. My dad wasn't around to scare off the men, so I was targeted by several older men who saw me as vulnerable. I didn't have my "constant guardian" there, and they took advantage of that.) There's also the financial backlash of splitting up...when two parents split and have to maintain two separate homes, money becomes even tighter and the kids often end up getting less. Instead of parents only having to pay one housing payment, heating bill, etc, there's suddenly two of each. That just takes away money from the kids unnecessarily. If there's abuse, that's a different story. (Although some abusers do change.) But in matters where there's just boredom, loss of excitement, etc...the couples that stick together for 5 years actually end up happy at the end of that period. Wouldn't it be worth working it out? I wish you the best, if this is the situation you're in. Good luck! =)

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Answer 3

A marriage is like a garden, you tend it, weed at it, give it the attention, nutrients it needs to grow it's fruits, veggies, whatever.

Cheating breaks the trust, destroys the vows you took and spits it back in your face. Doesn't matter if the children adore him or not, if they truly feel that way, they can still do that if he isn't with you anymore.

Alimony and child support, wait, go to school, finish and start your career, heal yourself physically and emotionally, only when you can smile at everything and feel good about yourself, your life and your ability as a parent, provider, a woman, will you be ready for a real man.

Good luck, honey, I've been there too.

Answer 4

It is never wise to stay in something for the sake of the kids. My husband did with his ex for 16 years and he still to this day regrets it. I left my marriage after 6 years due to abuse. I had a son 5 and a daughter 1. There was no way I was staying in that for their sake. It was more harm than good for them and to this day, my 12 year old son can remember every bad incident that happened. If your husband is a cheater why are you staying? Your kids "adoring" him is not excuse. If you start dating while you are still married yes, you are cheating. Kicking him out does not mean you are separated, it means you are estranged and there are no laws that cover estranged marriages. Being separated legally requires a lawyer and court appearances. As far as him paying for a divorce...too damn bad! You are cheating if you move on and if you meet a nice guy and want to marry him, you won't be able to with that pesky marriage hanging over your head. Better that you find a lawyer yourself, even if it is a court appointed one. Get out of your marriage for your sake as well as your kids. They will thank you one day for not staying with such a louse. After your divorce is final, then move on with your life. Until then, think about getting out of the marriage first...dating comes later.

Answer 5

I tried it for 2 years after my marriage was over. I had special needs kids and a real reason to try to stay too. I couldn't do it but violence was an issue. If he isn't hitting you, cursing you, or making you flunk college classes, try just hanging in there until you graduate college...

Here's a HUG no matter what you decide.....

Answer 6

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Hh72O

Answer 7

DO NOT feel bad about putting him out! You hear all the time that the children suffer when their parents separate. You know they do feel bad because they love both parents, but honey they get over it. Children are very resilient, believe me they are! If adults will NOT do all their ugly anger around them, for the most part children will be great. Now, you should follow your advice and take care of you because no one else will. You have to love yourself as well as your children. Who's going to take care of you, if you don't? City Hall (chicago) will give you a free divorce if you can't afford it. Good Luck and take care of you.

Answer 8

Depends on your state, but you can file for your own divorce for about $87, using an online service.

If it were me, I would take out a personal loan if I had to-while we were married, so that it would be split during the divorce.

Walk away. Life is short and not supposed to be this hard. Your kids will think this is normal married behavior. They will copy this in their own lives. If it is not good enough for them, you have to fix it now.

Answer 9

NO!

If you only want child support and don't care about alimony, it's cheaper. Nothing to fight over. Since he cheated, you would get what you're entitled to.

Check to see if you can find someone to do it without a fee, and take your fee out of what they are able to get for you. If they know he cheated, an attorney might be willing to take the case that way.

Otherwise, check out some law schools, and you might be able to find someone there to help you, either a professor who's got a law degree, or a graduate student... Or a women's group...


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Answer 10

Hell NO!!!! is better for the kids to split, but amicably... They pick up on the "broken marrage thing and are made way mor missurable by it than anything a good divorce will do to them. But by your question and including the money part, sounds like your thinking of staying because of the money gain, and that makes you kinda a gold digger... THINK ABOUT THAT!!!

Answer 11

The signs are too obvious, get out now. He's making 3x what you make? that means you can get alimony plus child support. You just need a good lawyer to fight for you. If you really love your kids, then you need to show them what's right by respecting yourself. You make yourself look weak and worthless to your kids by laying down and just taking whatever your husband dishes out to you. Your kids need you to be strong, for yourself, and for them. They need to feel like they are protected by you. If they think more of your husband than you, they will choose him over you, and then you will have lost your husband and your kids, and they may even like the idea of a new step mom better than they like you. Fight! Fight hard for what is yours. If the husband is gone, let him go; but not your kids.