There's this girl i like that just got a divorce, the divorce is not final yet but will be shortly. She has 3 kids, one with her ex husband and two with another guy. She is 6 years older. While she was still married we made out on a couple of occasions. We also work together. I asked her out earlier in the week and she said yes, but i kept asking if we were still going out and she said yes. Well yesterday i asked and she said that i was being too pushy and was starting to aggrivate her.
I got advice from a friend to act like she cant have me whenever she wants and she will want me more. Do you think that is a good idea, and if so how can i do that since we work together?
If you have anymore ideas please share them i need all the help i can get.
2007-10-13 07:22:46 · 10 answers · asked by Juan D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We did make out while she was married, but she said that was a mistake and her emotions took over. She told me that i was the frist guy that has made her feel something and not be "numb" all of the time.
2007-10-13 07:39:28 · update #1
This is probably going to sound kind of harsh, but someone should probably tell you this. Hey she said yes that she would go out with you. So why continue to ask everytime you see her to ask if you were still on. So my advice to you is as follows.
Having been married and divorced and cheated on as well as being then the one who cheated. Here are a couple of things you can do.
1. Give her her space - You can say hi and be nice and ask her how her day is going but don't be pushy.
2. If she askes you out then by all means say yes. But then don't ask if you are still on. Let her persue for the most part.
3. Don't play hard to get but don't be over the top on trying to get her. She is trying to find her footing but also trying to keep the door open.
4. Make sure if you want to be with her that you respect and listen to her but also remember that you also deserve this.
If you really want to win her over do little things and son't let her know that you were the one who did it.
* Leave her a piece of her favorite candy on her desk.
* Put a card without your signature on her desk that just is
all about saying have a great day.
The best thing is to make sure that both of you are happy. She will need her time but you can always be there for her even as a friend.
Good Luck.
2007-10-13 07:47:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her reaction is understandable to a certain extent.
She is getting divorced. So, it's like you've just got your head of the water, so you don't feel like taking a deep plunge right after, but take a good breathe.
So, she's right to slow things down and not to rush into anything.
On the other hand, it's also understandable that you'd want to know where you stand with her.
So, I wouldn't advise you to start playing games if you truly like her or even love her.
It's better be straight forward and tell her things the way they are. Which are, where do you stand and what does she want from this relationship? And also, that you get an equal say in it too, as it's a two way thing. So, to think about it, and let you know.
Then, I'd let her think get back to me.
I would't pretend to ignore her, but I wouldn't be pushy either, nor try to have sex or anything else with her until she knows what she wants.
Then, I'd take it from there.
If she'd take over a week to give me her answer, then I wouldn't bother asking her for one. I guess you'd be pretty much clear about what she means.
You need to make yourself be respected and not taken for granted in a relationship. Whichever.
If you sell yourself short, then you are going to always be the needy and insecure one to be led on.
Good luck.xxx
2007-10-13 07:32:30 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it for a minute. She's older than you. Probably a lot more mature too, by the sound of it. She has three kids to raise and feed. All you have is you and your own pursuits. She's got big problems. If you're co-workers in addition to being in a relationship, you need to do several things:
-Keep it professional at work.
-Let her have her space to do with her kids what she needs to do. Don't interfere.
-Don't hang out with her 24-7. She'll start thinking she's still at work when she's home.
-Don't pressure her. She's probably still dealing with having gotten hurt by her soon-to-be ex, plus the other guy who is the father of the other two kids.
When she's ready for your company, she'll look for you. Until then, be visible, but let her have her space. The harder you push, the less likely anything good will come out of it.
2007-10-13 07:34:11 · answer #3 · answered by anon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to start dating a woman who is getting a divorce is ok as long as she and the husband are not living together. she obviously is interested in you because you may be doing things that she wasnt getting in the previous relationship. once you ask a question to her and she gives you the response that you want, leave it alone. one thing that i've learned is not to keep asking the same question. you've already been given confirmation. if anything changes with her plans she will tell you. now the advice that your friend gave you is all wrong. the woman have you already, why put that in jeoprody by playing "hard to hold" because she already got you. dont play games like that with a woman who is getting a divorce or breaking up with someone. that puts you in the same boat as the last guy. give her some space and be as supportive as you can be. that will draw her closer to you.
2007-10-13 07:41:38 · answer #4 · answered by pjackson4@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty it sounds to me like you had a lucky escape. On the other hand you are to pushy and what did you really want. Leg and over spring to mind as you know this woman has 3 children and knows a lot about life and it's my bet she would chew you up and spit out the pieces.
2007-10-13 07:52:02 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! ur in the same situation an ex friend of mine was. he stopped talking to me because i told him to forget her and that she wasn't supposed to be like that with him... just let me tell u something, this girl made out with you while she was still married, don't u think if she did that to her husband, she can do it to u? it's very difficult to be, or to trust someone that does such things... don't u think? i would tell u to let her go. it's gonna be hard because u work 2gether, but if you don't wanna get hurt, u need to forget her... because believe me, she'll hurt u... i had my friend crying in my shoulder for so many times... i don't think u want that... my advice as i said before is: forget her and find someone who deserves you!!! i really hope this helps, and good luck 2 u!!! : )
2007-10-13 07:32:24 · answer #6 · answered by mari... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on dude, find a gal that is single with no baggage. There is a reason she goes through guys so quickly. You want to be her next X?
2007-10-13 07:39:44 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You fooled around with her when she was married and now you want to play childish games to make her want you.. .hmmmmmmmm... I will patiently wait for the day you ask the question why she disappeared, or why she cheated on you... you choose them well
2007-10-13 07:28:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She made out with you while still married?
A bit of advice...if she'll cheat WITH you she'll cheat ON you. Find someone with less baggage and a bit closer to your own age.
2007-10-13 07:37:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a girl, I know I HATE it when guys play hard to get, but some girls like that..so try it and see what happens.
Sit down and talk to her though.
2007-10-13 07:26:09 · answer #10 · answered by *miss k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋