the goat
I've made love to sweet Lilith fair,
And danced to the zombies dance.
Run my fingers thru Lucifers hair,
And broken his deathly trance.
I am alive, yet somehow dead,
Awake, yet still completely asleep.
I scream for help, but feel the dread,
Now beginning to whimper and weep.
The hotter the fire, the greater the lust,
I break away and think I am free.
But slowly I am turning to dust,
The payment on which I agreed.
The night is shattered by one of my screams,
I gasp for air, and clutch at my throat.
No, this is not a nightmarish dream,
I sold my life to a man, whose feet resembled a goat.
2007-10-13 07:16:28 · 6 answers · asked by The Dark Prince 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Oooo...you had me til the last line...
You break your wonderful rhythm with it as you bend it and twist it so that you can meet the rhyme. Added four extra syllables and two extra beats...youch! That's a grave error.
Rethink the line. Rethink it.
2007-10-13 08:29:30 · answer #1 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
deep.. in a good way. Everybody has feelings that they to keep locked up. But we always try to let them go... we want to trust a person with everything... but who can you tell, who can you truely trust. You poem to me explains that. Its the little questions that matter. good job.
~dragonflyy
2007-10-15 13:27:32 · answer #2 · answered by dragonflyy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely love the first stanza. Very original, you are very gifted, it's a lovely image!!
Take care,
Ana
2007-10-13 14:35:54 · answer #3 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow!!! this is cool, evil, dark. I like the evil presence in it. Well done, baby!!!
Love you
Mrs. Enrici
2007-10-13 15:08:00 · answer #4 · answered by . 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow,
bravo!!
very unique.
It reminded me of the movie GhostRider, kind of...
it had a great flow,
and i just loved it.
:)
Kara
2007-10-13 14:45:45 · answer #5 · answered by Kara P 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
very interesting.......i like it....
you ever go to poetry.com?
2007-10-13 14:24:24 · answer #6 · answered by Joan 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋