I met the most amazing woman almost a year after my divorce. My now ex wife had a relationship with a coworker after being together almost 16 years.. I'll be 34 in Nov. and for some reason I think I'm still working through pain from my divorce and afraid to commet as I was hurt very deeply. I know this woman would never hurt me like my ex but I seem to be the one doing the hurting..loving her then pulling away..what's wrong with me???please help
2007-10-13 07:11:13 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
your not that same victim that u were when she left u and hurt u. don't fear new relationship's, instead reach out, u will have to make yourself vulnerable to love because its the only way your going to get what u want. the only power negative thoughts has over u is your own belief in them. we have all been hurt and betrayed and our hearts ripped apart, but are u going to let what another did to u rob u of happiness. your just afraid of being hurt and rejected again, and true there are no guarantees, but uh-ave to go after what u want in life, which does make us vulnerable but theres no other way to attain love but to commit.
2007-10-13 13:44:07 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, does this sound so familiar. I married a man whose first wife cheated on him with a 21 year old (she was 31) and divorced my husband. He married the first woman he dated 8 months later (she cheated on him also) and they divorced. Then he starts dating me and it was rough. I was married 18 years to an abusive man and never ever cheated despite my being miserable. I finally got out.
My husband now (married 7 years) and I have had some very rough patches in our marriage because of his past relationships. No matter how hard I tried to assure him that I was not going to behave the way his ex's did, he still always was assuming that I would cheat. It's been hard for me, but I hung in there and slowly he is accepting that he has a good wife and doesn't have to watch over his shoulder.
He kept telling me to have patience with him. To be honest, it was hard when you're late coming home from work and your partner is accusing you of possibly being with someone else. I was hurt, mad, and ready to throw in the towel. Just relax. If it's a good relationship, give it time. Know that all women are not the same. You could lose a good woman if you're not careful. We all have baggage from our past, but we don't have to let that rule our lives now. We can be happy once again and there are good and honest people out there. Take it slow and let the past stay where it belongs...in the past. Good luck.
2007-10-13 07:28:50 · answer #2 · answered by Sandi M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with you....
I've been talking to a guy who has been divorced for 4 years, has 2 kids he has raised in that time on his own, his ex has come back and is causing trouble and he still has emotional/commitment baggage to deal with. It's not that he has the issue as it is he pulls away and won't talk to me about it.
I think you (and my guy for that matter) need to get to a point where you realize that not all girls are like your ex's. I've told my guy I'll stand by him, I'll be patient and I've given him his space.
Remember time is the key to recovery. It's not necessarily a long period of time but it's more what you do in your time to help you recover. Confide in your girl how you feel...be open, talk it out...she may be able to help you more than you think.
2007-10-13 07:31:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you fell off a bicycle and wasn't close to home what would you do? You would get back on and try it again. Learn from your mistake but give the other person a chance before you predict the future. You are now a better person to understand your life. Take a look at what went wrong in your past relationship and don't repeat them to your new mate. We learn from our mistakes and that is what makes us better. Never blame the next person for your past mistakes. It will not work.
2007-10-13 07:27:38 · answer #4 · answered by Kaya M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Clinton,
I know what you mean. Is is very hard to trust after being betrayed. That betrayal will change you permanently. The best way to get past it, is to give that new person a chance. You will always have a spot of reservation but you need to move past it and realize this person is not the one who broke trust with you. It is not easy but it is well worth it. Don't live your life looking for a break in that trust. Live, laugh and love...that is all any of us need, really.
2007-10-13 08:28:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mary D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are afraid to try again and that's okay. don't put high expectations on yourself until you feel you are completely healed. what's the rush. can't you just be as companions / associates while you're healing. you say this one will not hurt you like your ex. most likely true because your guard is up, and your emotions opened for a different kind of hurt. relax and just live, FOR YOU. if you are the type of person who does not go after someone to display hurt intentionally, then, JUST LIVE FOR YOU, the rest will follow of good, GOD WILLING.
2007-10-13 07:30:10 · answer #6 · answered by benejueves 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i was betrayed by my ex bf and the way i moved on was when i met a wonderful man that is naw my hubby and i forgot about him and yeah maybe the fear is there that it might happen again but you have to take your risks just like with anything in this world, it might work out and it might not so good luck
2007-10-13 07:20:34 · answer #7 · answered by hey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i went through this
the only advice i can give you is time...it took me 4 yrs to realize that my husband now is not my ex and wouldnt do that to me
2007-10-13 07:18:39 · answer #8 · answered by Mindy S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same way, when he betrayed me.
2007-10-13 07:26:40 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋