I lost my filly in June. I bought her as an "unborn foal" so she and her mother came to live at the stable I ride at until she could be weaned. She died when she was four months old, one week after she was weaned.
It was very traumatic, she started having seizures and I had to wait 6 hours for the vet to come and put her down, and by that times she couldn't even get up anymore. She was so small that they just wrapped her up with a tarp and put her in the back of a pick up truck to take her to the vet school, where she had a necropsy that came back inconclusive. They're pretty sure it was a genetic muscular disorder such as HYPP.
But anyway, it just devastated me.
Whenever someone brings her up or even sometimes when I'm just thinking of her I'll randomly just burst into tears and won't calm down until I'm completely cried out.
It seems stupid to cry over her because I only had her for three months but I feel like a mom who has lost a human baby. People are being so insensitive
2007-10-13 04:53:03 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pets ➔ Horses
Like, a couple of my friends have made jokes about her and they get mad at me for crying because she was "just a horse" Plus one of my friends lost her mom around the same time, so that made it worse because everyone said I should be thankful that I only lost my horse. But seriously, I can't help feeling that I am just as distressed as my friend who lost her mom is. She was my baby and I had so many plans for her. Plus, she was my first horse and I had been saving to afford her for eight years. I had all these halters and blankets picked out for when she "grew up"
2007-10-13 04:55:07 · update #1
Even though she wasn't even weaned until a week before she died, she thought of me as her mother. She would follow me around without a lead and cry for me when I left.
2007-10-13 04:56:15 · update #2
First of all i am truly sorry for your loss!!!
It's perfectly normal to be so upset!!!.....and unfortunatly if your friends dont have horses they will never be able to fully understand!!! it just takes time....i lost my 1st horse new years day of this year..he was 30 yrs.plus and a retired cuttin horse very healthy for an old guy but his knees just finally gave out & he couldnt stand on his own...soooooo!!!
I know your pain.....i still think about him all the time and honestly i will cry if i hear that song from Nickelback "Far Away" it makes me think of him!!!! bless his heart...i still have 5 horses & 2 ponies and am blessed to have them so i keep myself busy with them and just stay in the routine...sadly its a possibility we all face with owning any type of animal and i say it's worth every second cuz they are the most majestic creatures!!! I hope it gets easier for you..and dont let your friends make it harder for you!!! Good Luck!!!
2007-10-13 05:03:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
Have you ever read or seen the famous poem called the "Rainbow Bridge"? That might help ease your pain and grief, which by the way are totally normal. I would drop or ignore your so-called "friends" who are being so insensitive and cruel to you about this. Losing a horse you love is NEVER easy- and having to be present when the horse is put down ( and having to wait for hours like you did for the vet to come and do it) is even more agonizing. I know- I have been down that road far too many times myself to have any illusions anymore about how painful it is. These people who are being so nasty to you are obviously not animal people, and it's questionable whether or not any of them have ever lost anything or anyone they loved. If that were true for any of them, they wouldn't be treating you this way.
Meanwhile, take care of yourself, and don't ask too much of yourself for a while. You need time to grieve and heal- and that process is not one which can be rushed without serious consequences down the road. It's normal for you to have crying spells right now- we all grieve differently at different times. Your feelings are very real, and NO, they are NOT stupid. It makes no difference how old you are or how much you grow up- rejection is rejection, no matter what form it comes in, and death is the ultimate rejection because it's the ultimate abandonment. NO ONE I have ever met takes rejection and grief well, including myself. It's also perfectly normal for you to feel angry right now- at the world, at yourself, and yes, even at your filly. Anger is part of grief- a big part of it. You may find that you have trouble concentrating on even simple things, and that food doesn't taste good anymore. These are all normal things which happen after a loss. That's why you need to treat yourself gently for a while. Make sure that you get enough sleep and that you at least attempt to follow a normal diet. Try to make sure as well that you get at least some exercise every day- that is a great stress reliever, and it will help you feel better and have more energy. Grief is WORK, and it takes energy to get through it. Above all, though, you need to be patient and give yourself some time. The pain will start to ease off, and as it does, you will be able to remember the good times with your filly. I would also put off any major decisions, such as whether or not to buy another horse, until you have a chance to heal up mentally and emotionally. Good luck, and I am deeply sorry for your loss. I hope this helps you.
BTW, the Rainbow Bridge poem can be found online at rainbowbridge.org. I encourage you to read it, and when the pain gets severe, think of your filly at the Bridge with her new friends. ( She has plenty of company up there, and lots of buddies to play with and pal around with.)
2007-10-15 03:30:07 · answer #2 · answered by Starlight 1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally normal.
I go ballistic anytime somebody mentions Notes or Showdown (though Notes was a little bit of a, well let's say shock) and they weren't even mine.
It doesn't have to be losing a horse either. My "baby" has been put out to pasture(I can't get out there easily) and I bawl whenever I'm out at the barn on a bad day(for me, not weather-wise.) I rode a horse 3x a week for 4 months about 7 months ago she was found to have a rotated coffin bone(we realised it when I was riding her at a presentation for a school group...) and I am still finding it hard to not tack her up. I almost didn't lease another horse again because I wouldn't be able to lease her. And she's in the stall right next to her!
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hopefully you will recover and be able to remember the happy times.
2007-10-13 16:22:41 · answer #3 · answered by Eventing Star 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all my many condolences.
i lost my best friend back in february and my other friends who didn't know her were completely unsympathetic about it saying that i was just an "emo" or an "attention seeker" so i understand how you are feeling pretty much. i think that your friend who was saying that your filly was "just horse" was passibly just her lashing out as too many people do when they are grieving. but that doesn't make your loss any less impotant. i can see that you worked long and hard for her and it came as quite as shock to you that she had narcolepsy. when i was grieving for my friend the phrases "there is no death just a change of worlds" and "many thing, humans, hopes and dreams will leave and return but as we live on there is a spirit of hope that draws nearer with every new day" i hope that you can remember the fond memories of who you had and that you will find the day when you will love a horse again. remember people greive in different ways but understand that you will have to move on by shedding atear once in a while.
2007-10-13 06:34:53 · answer #4 · answered by anz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I lost a horse 7 years ago and I STILL cry when i think about him. It will take awhile but the pain will ease. I cried daily for about 2 months after Deal died. I couldn't even go to his stall with out sobbing. Your friends have apparently never lost a horse liek that if they have them . To watch one die is horrible. Deal died at a show while I was riding him.... it wa sawful and the guy I was datng at the time handed me the same line "It was just a horse" What they don't relaize is to us it's not just a horse it was a best friend. I know you will be ok just remember the glorious 4 months you did have with her. Ignore your friends whenh they say insesntive things.
2007-10-13 14:47:04 · answer #5 · answered by Biscuit_n_bailey1982 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You have every right in the world to grieve and it is very rude of people to be so insensitive to your loss. Non horse people (and some cold hearted horse people)really will never understand the bond we have with our horses. Our horses are our children, who we turn to when no one else will listen. You have lost a part of your family so please don't ever feel stupid to cry. You will go through the process, just as if you had lost a human family member, but it will get easier as time goes on. Again, I am sorry you lost your filly and my thoughts are with you.
2007-10-13 08:35:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awwww girrrrl...I hate when people try to relate to me always saying "oh i know how you feel i've been there" because I always felt like they had no idea how much love I had for my horse...I owned him for 2 years, spent 6 days a week all day with him, then I couldn't offord to pay the rest of the buy off of him, so I had to give him up everytime I think of him I burst out into tears until I can't cry anymore. Whenever I think about him I cry, and noone understands how I felt, time is a valuble thing and it's soo hard. You must have been looking foward to that baby for a long time, then it got blown to **** and it passed away. I'm soo so sorry for your loss and it's not going to easy...time does heal though, I've been without my horse for a year this month, it's so rough but you'll get through it and who knows, maybe you'll get another one. I know "it's not just a horse" that's not how it is when you love something so much.
2007-10-13 05:19:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
My heart aches for you and the loss. No, as you're discovering, this type of grief isn't the norm- most people don't feel it as deeply. I can tell you are sensitive and loved that little filly- she was very lucky to have a "momma" like you.
Are you still involved with horses now? There's no real way to replace a baby like that, but you can offer care and love to another that is needy. Helping other horses who need someone to love them will make you feel a bit better- and do this in memory of your little filly. When you're ready, take on another permanent horse and don't be afraid of the awesome bond that develops. So few people can relate to a horse that way, except perhaps great "cowboys" and "indians".
:) My best to you, friend. Carol
2007-10-13 05:07:08 · answer #8 · answered by redmane_at_stargazer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh for goodness sake, i hate it when people say "oh it was just a horse"!!!!
That really annoys me.
Hey, three months is still three months - it's long enough to form a relationship with an animal. i don't blame you for being upset, i know i would. don't worry about randomly crying - grieving is a longer process with some than others, and it's only natural. i am really sorry to hear about what happened, and i hope that things get better with your friends.
just remember the good memories, and be thankful that you knew her even if it was just for a short time; i have had to do that! it will get easier and eventually you will be able to remember all the times without wanting to cry.
2007-10-13 05:54:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Totally normal. I must say 4 months is a bit young to wean a foal. We lost one of our horses in June. He was a stallion and we had had him for about 14 years and have got all of his foals. He died from a heart attack lest than 24 hours after his last foal had been born. One of his daughters was in foal and she foaled just 2 days after he died but she panicked when she was foaling because there was no one with her and she foaled to quick and standing up so the foal landed with its head under it against the wall and suffocated. They were both in June and it is still very hard because of what had happened. Now his last son is in his old stable and his daughter is back in foal but it just hurts still everytime you think about it. I'm really sorry for your loss. We had to go through it all as well. It will ease in time though.
2007-10-13 05:24:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is normal for you to feel this way about thing that you care about.
I have 7 horses and 4 dogs.
I love each and everyone of my pets very dearly, any one that makes fun of your for that should be pitied because you had a love that they have never experienced
I hope things get better soon, it is better to cry then hold it in though. So your friends who joke about they are only human and humans make mistakes
Good luck!!
2007-10-17 04:22:44 · answer #11 · answered by ravenhk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋