My marriage is suffering because my husband married me for personal gain, and not for love. I don't know how to get past that. He tells me that he wants to leave because I won't just forget about the fact that he did not marry me for love. He says that it is my fault for going ahead with the marriage even though I was in my early 20's and he was in his 30's. Can you learn to love some one if you never loved them in the beginning. How do I get past the fact that our marriage was a fraud but for some reasons we have stayed together for children and finacial reasons. Can you get over that?
2007-10-13 04:32:30 · 12 answers · asked by what? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No counseling will not help.
Counseling is for couples who got married with the best of intentions, but have now fallen on hard times. They just have some issues that they need to resolve.
You on the other hand have a loveless sham of a marriage with an older man who married you for financial reasons. No counseling is ever going to change that. Even if you can learn to accept it, you still have a sham of a marriage based on lies and ulterior motives.
Frankly, you can either accept the relationship for what it is, or you can leave it and move on.
2007-10-13 04:35:49 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I believe u can fall in love w/ any1 it all depends if its the type of person ur interested in and how they treat u as a person...
If u think about it marriages that have been arranged some of them can be the happiest in love couples I just think it depends on the kind of people u are... I don't think counsling will work cuz u didn't get married 4 love u need to find out who the both of u are as people and basically see what u have in common!
2007-10-13 04:54:27 · answer #2 · answered by uloseallurmarbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think in love. I study someplace that the 1st 3 years of marriage are the toughest, yet something well worth having do not come undemanding. So I advise which you bypass and check along with her. do not attempt to hurry returned into something. commence dating her returned, see in case you may swept her off her ft such as you probably did. Do the flaws that have been given her to declare sure to marrying you. you may now in basic terms try this if she have not moved on. What styles of issues could desire to bypass incorrect which you 2 might argue approximately it. Why might you blame one yet another for issues? I wager in case you think of regarding the arguments now, they don't look so severe. perhaps some counseling isn't a nasty theory the two.
2016-10-22 06:26:44 · answer #3 · answered by giardina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arranged marriages in the past had some success. I want you to sit down and think if he died, how would you react. It will tell you if you really have some love for him. Work with that and nurture it. Tell him that you do love him. Tell him that you want to date him and get to know him better. Give you two a chance to "fall in love". Marriage without real love just sucks. I am in a very loving marriage. I am surrounded by people in bad marriages so I know what you are dealing with. Good luck. email me if you want to chat.
2007-10-13 04:39:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married him knowing this. Why are you dwelling on it now?
Yes, counseling can help. Yes, you can fall in love with someone after time.
You either need to let go of the past and embrace the life that you have or leave. Stop the drama.
You are responsible for your own happiness. You are complaining and whining about the PAST!!!
2007-10-13 04:37:58 · answer #5 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I seriously doubt that you can, and if he wants to leave, he should. Tension between two parents who do not love each other is more difficult on the children. I do think counseling can help you all get through the transition, but I don't think it can add love to a loveless marriage.
2007-10-13 04:37:09 · answer #6 · answered by Allison P 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I believe you can get over that.
But not by acting the way you are and not letting it go.
You agreed to this when it happened, now accept it and let it go.
If you want your husband to love you, make him love you.
Let him see all the good things about you.
Let him see how loving you are.
Let him see how much fun you can be to be around.
Make life what you want it to be.
You never know, he may just fall in love with you.
But with the way you are acting, it's just going to push him away even further.
Let the past go, you can't move forward if you're always looking in the rear-view mirror ;)
2007-10-13 04:45:30 · answer #7 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sometimes it is better falling in love even though you are married than falling out of love during your marriage. does your husband loves you know...or is it still for personal gain? don't question him or blame him for what happened 10 years ago...then you are only pushing him away. you sound like an intelligent woman...make the best of you marriage...for you and for your kids
2007-10-13 04:37:54 · answer #8 · answered by wife in South Africa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Bad marriages are bad for children. Take the kids and leave the parasite. You will all be a lot happier.
2007-10-17 04:13:10 · answer #9 · answered by holly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people can get over that and learn to be happy in that relationhip but there has to be some kind of love there regardless of what your husband says
you have children right is he a good father to them
2007-10-13 04:37:41 · answer #10 · answered by oh_jo123 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋