My son called me last night. We talked for an long time. Ordinarily, he doesn't have much time to talk to me anymore. He called two weeks ago and left a message. I tried to return his call, but after a week I gave up. He told me that he had been in Rome for a week, for training. He is a teacher and has taken to setting up trips to other countries with the kids.
He is pretty busy these days. I revised a verse from the song by Harry Chapin, "Cat's In The Cradle"
I'm still working and my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, mom, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you, mom.
It's been sure nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up unlike me.
My boy was not like me.
2007-10-13 04:30:56 · 13 answers · asked by Granny 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Senior Citizens
Oh, God how I hated that song, for it always brought waves of guilt over me....I spent every minute I could with my kids, they had more of me than anyone else, but I always felt I should have had more time....I feel the same way about my deceased partner..there were so many times I could have given him company at dinner, but there was always tomorrow, wasn't there? Couldn't we do something next week instead? I'm sorry, I cannot continue with this writing....I am truly overcome with guilt.. I have to get away from this site for an hour or so..it is not your question, it is my past actions! There is NOT always tomorrow, I have learn the very hard way! love, Phil
2007-10-13 04:57:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 1⤋
Mom was home raising us, but dad had to work two jobs to support the family. When he came home we didn't see much of him. He was too tired to play or help with homework. We were just happy to see this stranger. He didn't smile much because of all the responsibilities he had. Yet, I could imagine having a different father. I loved him.
When I became an adult with my own family, he became tired and retired. He reached out to me often, but I had my own family and responsibilities. I wasn't angry with him. I loved him and wanted the opportunity to spend more time together. But, as the song says, one day I took a good look at myself in the mirror, and saw my father.
2007-10-14 09:42:37 · answer #2 · answered by Old Woman 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Granny,
As we say here it is the story of every house.My son went to a distant place for his job. Before that he had beencontinuously with me(as all children are) While I do try to codone myself thnking ho busy he must be that he cannot even call more frequently much less come down.
And then I remembered.
I was living again as my son. It was the same with me with my parents. I can now feel how frustrated they must have felt that I did not call them or visit them more often. I plead guilty I was neither that busy then.I think and hope that is not the case with my son.
My colleagues also have the same experience.They try to comfort themselves that that means they have dischrged their parently duties properly. Made him fit to fly on his wings. No doubt it is sort of satisfaction. But only sort of! It is more a case of reaping as we sow.
2007-10-13 19:33:15 · answer #3 · answered by Prabhakar G 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow Granny-Your words tell the story. I know how you miss the boy and grandkids! I can't write a story, but I sure understand the feelings. I'm missing my daughter. It's just been a year since WE moved away to retirement land. Leaving her was so hard for me--she just turned 24. I could talk about my bio. Dad. We found each other after 35 LONG years. I'm thankful we had about 7 years together before he passed away.
2007-10-13 12:58:46 · answer #4 · answered by Nannie 3 · 6⤊ 1⤋
How's this story for you? Harry Chapin who sang that song went to the same high school as me. Brooklyn Technical High School in Brooklyn, NY. He has been entered into the Student Hall of Fame.
2007-10-13 12:42:32 · answer #5 · answered by desertviking_00 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
My exe, my son's father should relate to that very well, and its the truth - he never had time or interest in his son, and now the son is too busy to have time for his father. Its sad.
I believe a boy NEEDS a man in his life, hopefully his father, how else does he learn to be a man?
I will always remember the day my son came home and told me he had "french kissed" a girl and I thought "OMG shouldnt he be telling this to his father? What do I say?" IF I was his father I might say "way to go son" I have NO idea what a father would say in a situation like that ....
Somehow being a mother and saying "how was that for you dear?" didnt seem appropriate at all ---
Girls need their fathers too, its from their fathers that they learn to respect themselves and learn they are valuable in our world.
Fathers are so important to their families ... tis a sad thing when they dont participate and just arent there, you divorce the mother NOT your children - why do so many men not get that?
2007-10-13 13:27:36 · answer #6 · answered by isotope2007 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Granny, I don't have a story to contribute but I would like to give you hope.
There are seasons in every ones life. At the moment work is your son's priority. I know that in time he will contact you more.
You, I and others here may remember when families lived close together and met every Sunday at Grandma's for a big dinner. I miss those times. My family is scattered too and we don't communicate as much as I would like but I understand that unfortunately times have changed. God bless you.
2007-10-13 17:33:38 · answer #7 · answered by gabeymac♥ 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
My story relates to my bio father. I was much closer to my step Dad. They both passed away in the not distant past. I was with my Step Dad and arrived the next day for my Father. Everybody but me was there for Dad's surgery.
Dad walked out on 4 children when I, the oldest was almost 5. We sat on the front porch waiting for his arrival for years. He would call and say he was coming to town and would see us. He remarried a woman with money. Spent at least 4 inheritances of hers that I knew about. He loved to gamble. Said it wasn't an addiction and didn't harm anyone like drugs and alcohol.
I always had to make the effort as an adult to see this man. When he showed up for the first funeral of my three blood siblings he was late and I was already seated and being held and comforted by my Step Dad. Through three surgeries and after treatments every time I opened my eyes after recovery Step Dad was there by my bed. Dad didn't even visit once.
Dad had rarely ever paid child support. In fact after my step mother gave him money to send he often gambled it away. Dad was jailed when I was a child for no child support. I would cry hysterically and back in those days he could be let go and was.
We even had a time some men come to our house and told us they would kill him and us if we did not find him and get him to begin repaying gambling debts.
Bio Dad always bragged to people I was his favorite. I was the one who would not allow people to speak ill of him...and I didn't as a child. But in my 50's I was devastated by the loss of step Dad whom I always called Poppa. Six months later as Bio Dad was going into heart surgery that he did not expect to survive I took care of getting my family situated before I made the 600 mile trip to be there for him.
It wasn't out of cruelty or unforgiveness. He had been too busy enjoying his life for me. I wasn't going to make the same mistake as he so I took care of my kids and grandkids before I went to be with him. My kids and grandkids knew the heart of Poppa but barely knew Bio dad. Bio dad even had a his feelings hurt once because I did not realize he had a hair transplant. Well I had not seen him such a long time. I think it is a sad case of reaping what you sow. I don't think it is ever too late to rectify bad situations like this--
2007-10-13 12:01:24 · answer #8 · answered by Southern Comfort 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Might apply to my son, but not my daughter. She said he called her and got all upset that I hadn't told him about Bob being in the hospital, and she said, "You know, if you'd call her once in a while besides just to ask for money, she'd keep you in the loop!"
He called that night (and didn't ask for money!).
2007-10-13 13:54:24 · answer #9 · answered by felines 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm not a poet but I loved your question. My husband and I can see how our adult children have grown up "just like me" in good ways and bad. Our children are not perfect by a long shot but I'm so proud of them for being good parents to their own kids. The lessons children learn from you aren't always the ones you'd pick. Thanks for sharing.
2007-10-13 12:37:50 · answer #10 · answered by Miz D 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋