I have just broken my bathroom toilet in half using a hammer to undo some tight bolts so i could replace the?

Question

the toilet seat, now my missus is coming home within the next few hours after going shopping and when she sees what i have done she will freak out and try to remove my manly bits, now my question is this WHATDOIDO WHATDO I DOOOO ARGHHH HELP? How do i explain it.

And how much should i expect this to cost me with a plumber if i buy a new toilet myself? in east yorkshire please?

Answer 1

Incompetant oaf.

Answer 2

You can get a cheep toilet set (pan & cistern with mec.) from wickes for £99.
Its fine, I’ve fitted loads.
Most pan's come with cisterns to fit.
To change the pan you will need to remove the cistern first (close coupled set, (cistern that sits on the back of the pan)).
poss problems:

your new pan has to have the close coupled fixing holes that line up. Most plumbers replace both the pan & cistern for this reason.

have your wall tiles been fitted around the cistern? if so a new cistern might not be the same size.

pan outlet (waste outlet) on modern pans are known as 'P type' and have a horizontal connection to the soil pipe via a w.c. connector. you might have problems if you pan is old with a different outlet than P type.

some times the flooring (tiles etc) are cut to fit the pan's foot. .A new pan will pro have a different shape foot.

Its easy to change, takes about an hour or two. but the extras will take longer (e.g. new wall tiles etc.)

I would charge around £70 - £100.

Make sure no broken bit of the pan end up down the soil pipe.

Answer 3

Erm, why on earth would you use a hammer to undo some bolts? What on earth is that to achieve?

The bolts are on the underside of the toilet anyway, so how could you have broke it on half? And with a hammer? Unless you were using a mallet, I doubt it's even possible. I guess if you are serious you are going to have to tell her you are naff at DIY and go out and buy a new one OUT OF YOUR OWN MONEY! And just do not try and install it yourself. Get someone else to.

Answer 4

Quick, ge to B&Q and buy a sheet of polypropylene. This wont fix your toilet but may shield your manly bits from the Missus long enough for you to explain how you broke a perfectly good loo lol

Answer 5

toilets are very easy to replace and only take about an hour if you've never done one before. You could actually replace the toilet and tell your wife it was a surprise for her. This is assuming you have a modern toilet and everything underneath is in fairly good shape

Answer 6

First you have got to hit yourself on the head with the hammer and pretend that you fell, knocked your head on the loo thus breaking it - this will get the sympathy flowing. When you have been made to sit down with a cup of tea, insist that you must go to a DIY shop to buy another loo. Obviously a plumbers merchants would be better but they shut at 12 on Saturdays. Your wife will be full of concern and admiration and you may just get away with it.

Answer 7

How on earth did you manage that? Removing bolts with a hammer? Why?

I think you'd better just go out, get a new toilet quick and come clean to your wife. She may see the funny side of it when you tell her you were 'removing bolts with a hammer'.

Answer 8

say this honey aren't you as tired of this old toilet as i am?then take her to pick out the new unit .however let the plumber pick up the new toilet, he can sell it to you and still profit with his discount.most service people frown on customer provided parts.
hope this is help-full and you get to keep all of your parts.
use a well established contractor for this endevor and expect to pay around 500 usd .i would normally recommend that you do it your self but since you broke it trying to install a seat you had probably better hire someone.
joe c

Answer 9

You broke the seat of the toilet or the toilet itself?
Seats are a dime a dozen and you can replace it pretty easy.
You may be able to impress her by getting one with the padded seat for more comfort.

Answer 10

Hi just tell her it was an accident and you can even claim on the insurance if you wanted to but there only cheap now aday at b&q. Sometimes things like this happen. My dad was doing the tiles in out bathroom by the bath, when he had finished later on my mum noticed there was a hole in the bath, as my dad was putting the tiles and stuff in the bath as he was doing it. so he got the blame, but it all got sorted.

Answer 11

yeah that happens when you hit ceramics with a hammer...

unscrew the pan from the floor, and ease it out of the collar...

use whatever pluimbing sealant they reccomend, refit the bowl, its a 15 20 minute job... and the only tools required are a screwdriver...

cost to get someone else to do it, around 120 quid