I feel like a fool for sleeping with a married man?

Question

I never meant to hurt anybody.I simply met someone who matched all of my qualifications & I went for it.I didnt think he had a wife in another country.There was no way for me to know that because we live in the US.

He hid it from me for 2 yrs.When I kept asking him why wasnt the relationship moving forward he would not want to talk about it. He suddenly said he was getting married last summer in Bangladesh & that made it even worse.I felt like a reject & that he picked some Bengali girl over me.

He finally told me he was married the whole time last weekend for the last 6 yrs. & has 2 kids. We split for about 6 mos. but now he has been coming back around & asking me to spend time w/him. We confessed everything to each other last weekend & ended up having sex afterwards. We've been getting along great, but each day I regret it. He acts more open & nicer to me now. I dont know why I have been such a fool for him. But I feel like my self esteem is low even though I am very pretty.

Answer 1

Well, if he's Muslim, why don't you move with him to Bangladesh and there you could both get married? It's nothing wrong being a second wife. I believe this would be the best solution for both you and him; not to mention his family.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

First of all, you are not a fool. He lied to you as he did his wife for 2 years; shows you were just trusting and faithful and loyal. You were a victim, not a fool. It is easy for others to judge you when you had sex with him after finding out he was married, but .... you had a relationship with him for 2 years and fell for him hard and am sure it was hard for you to reject his advances, even knowing of his being married.

Now, try to step back and look at the circumstances realistically; not emotionally. Though you may love him and still want him because of this, you must realize that he is bad for you; he is a confirmed cheater and liar. He hid the truth from you for a long time; not really caring that he would end up hurting you in the end. You will cry, you will mourn what you thought you had with him, but you must get through it and be rid of him; he does not deserve you, nor does his wife deserve someone as he. You will always remember his lies and deceivement, even if you continued on with him; it is almost as though he has carried on an affair outside of your own relationship due to the fact he lied and deceived you. Just the same as cheating on you. Of course he will try and charm you with his actions and words; he has you there and someone at home to meet those needs. Be above it, think more of your own self-respect and morals than he obviously does, heal, be good to yourself, do the things you are passionate about, go out with friends and look toward the future, not the past with him. You will get over it and you will come out the victor and be happy you decided to let this man go far, far away from you. Good luck

Answer 3

you act like this with him because you do have the lack of self esteem. No matter now much it may hurt, dump the guy and look elsewhere but in the meantime, do things to build up your self esteem again. Remember that you are a victim just as his wife is and you continue to be a victim as long as you see him.
If as you say you are very pretty, or even if you are not, you will have no problem finding someone to replace him and have a love that is going somewhere since you can't marry this guy and have to remain his sex mate rather than soul mate and there is no where that relationship can go.

Answer 4

Ask yourself one important question; do you trust him? If this man can hide a marriage from you for two years, what makes you think he will be faithful to you now? You are the official "other woman"; do you want that designation? You are worth more than a part-time relationship. You also have to consider the fact that he may be having unprotected sex with you, and his wife, and anyone that strikes his fancy; you are at grave risk for an STD or worse. Stop for a moment and seriously consider the long-term implications of this. If his children meet you, they will hate you for "breaking up mom and dad", even if it's not your fault. If you become a couple, you will ALWAYS have to wonder if he's being faithful to you; chances are good that he won't be. You may also want to consider some counseling; you may have self-esteem issues that keep you from exploring your other options, or feeling desperate to be in a relationship. You are so much better than this man's dark, twisted world. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

You have no reason to feel like a fool. You simply fell for him before you even knew he was married. That's not your fault. But, BEWARE...now that you know everything, the ball is in you court. His life may not be happy right now. But, you have to think about your feelings. The longer you continue with this relationship, you'll fall deeper and deeper in love him him. And when he leaves....then what happens. You know in your heart that this is wrong, even though you're feeling that it's right...physically. I would advise you to let him go. I know it's going to be hard. You're probably thinking of keeping him, and just dealing with the pain of him leaving you later in life. But, it's not worth the pain and stress that it will bring on future relationships.....

Answer 6

Unlike that idiot who is calling you names, I can say that many people make mistakes. Don't worry about it. The man showed his true colors by lying to you all that time. I know it won't be easy, but continuing your relationship with him will only get you hurt more in the long run. It is best to deal with a little less hurt right now and cut your losses and get him out of your life, There are plenty of eligible single men out there that can give you a happy life. I know it won't be easy, but save yourself and move on. God Bless and good luck.

Answer 7

It is not your fault that he lied to you about being married. Alot of men are unhappy in their marriages and seek what is missing in someone else but will not end the marriage because they either don't want to pay or they like having a "back up" woman.
The reason he started coming back around was to see if you would take him back even though he has confessed his sins so to speak and now he will treat you well as long as he thinks you will accept him and the relationship as it is with no hope to advance to the next level.
You do not deserve this!!!!! He will not respect you and will later move on to someone else.
Please have more respect for yourself. If you don't no one else will. Also ignore the name callers. These are people that judge before they consider the fact that they may one day make a mistake too.

Answer 8

You are indeed a fool!Perhaps you've fallen for the guy. Can't blame you for that.MArried guys are sweet talkers and great lovers.Who wouldn't be??? they are the ones who are well practiced on that thing! Anyway our heads were put on top of our body so we MUST use them 1st before the heart.You still have the time &opportunity to call it QUITS for good.

As u said you are pretty.So use it for God's sake. Dont ruin your future. There is NO future w/ married men.

Good luck.

Answer 9

He is using you for sex here. I am surprised that you never caught on that this jerk was using you.

This guy makes it hard for the guys that do not cheat or want to use a woman for one thing. It will be hard for you to trust the next guy in a relationship with you.

My advice is for you to dump him and move on with your life. If you wan to see how fast he disappears tell him that yuo think you are pregnant with his child.

You will never see or hear from him again.

Answer 10

If you feel like fool for being fooled by a lying cheating man, why are you continuing the relationship at all? Are you afraid of being alone? Do you think that you aren't good enough to actually find a man with all your qualifications who isn't already committed to another woman? Speaking of that, what meaning does your 'qualifications' have if you are willing to ignore them once you find out he's a liar and cheat, or do you not care about that part?

Answer 11

Fine, he hid it from you BUT now you know stay away from him, it's not fair to his wife and kids how would you feel if the role was reversed, besides what can possible become of this relationship, do you honestly believe he'd leave them and if he did would you ever trust him, he's getting his cake and eat ting it too..........move on.........