I dated this guy for 6 years ( we never lived together) but things didn't worked out between us. He is a great guy and my 2 sons( 19 and 9) adores him and he does to them too- in other words, they are inseparable. My problem is, I want to move to another state to start a new life but I feel bad for them especially my 9 year old who does not want to come with me. (They're not close to their father) I have asked my ex-husband about taking our son with me and he agreed but not my ex-boyfriend, he'll "die" without my kids. He's never been married and never had any kids and he treated mine as his own, even go to PTA meeting. I really want to move but I'm confused. Should I leave my 9 year old with him until I get settled in the new state or take him with me and never come back, I don't plan on coming back here. I want to leave everything behind so we can move on. Am I being selfish or just doing what I think is best for us? I promise them that they will still keep in touch to each other.
2007-10-13 02:32:42 · 4 answers · asked by ItsMeeh2250 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mother made the decision to move to another location when I was 14 after divorcing and dating another man. Her boyfriend was the nicest guy in the world in comparison to my father and I wasn't happy at all at the prospects of losing his friendship and guidance. We moved to an entirely different location and, like your 9-year-old son I was very unhappy. I missed my mother's boyfriend terribly. However, my mother moved on with her life and so did I. Your son may be unhappy at first but at his age he'll adapt. Besides, he can stay in contact with his "friend" and will, I'm sure, soon find other friends in the new location. Do what you feel is in your best interests and don't let your son dictate your happiness. Good luck.
2007-10-13 02:43:53 · answer #1 · answered by Frosses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 9 year old is looking for a father figure and sees that in the ex boy friend but when you move, he should go with you and let them stay in touch by internet and phone calls. You may perhaps meet the perfect person in the new state and he should see the total you, including the 2 sons. Perhaps if the reason you and the ex boyfriend did not make it was that he didn't want to commit to you - just speculating here - this may make him change his mind as well and perhaps that could even work out for you. Good luck to you and hope things work out well!!
2007-10-13 02:45:53 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you moving because of your ex? If you moving will truly be the best thing for all of you in the long run, do it. The fact that your ex is close to the boys should not be your main concern. You're their mom so they are number one of course. If you want space, consider moving to another city or somewhere that they can still be close enough to visit their father and the ex who is almost like one. I understand that if he is that close to them you may feel like you never actually got the freedom from your ex. It must be like you never actually broke up! That's great that they have him but you need to be happy, too.
Think long and hard about this and take time to make the final decision on this. It is a huge upheaval for all of your lives to move to another state. That would mean a new job, new schools and new friends. Would it be too much to leave so far behind? That is something you will have to decide. A new beginning is just what you may need. I would just take more time to determine whether that will solve your problems or will it just make a whole set of new ones to deal with. Only you know the answer to that. Make yourself happy but with a decision that is best for all. Good luck to you!
2007-10-13 02:58:17 · answer #3 · answered by mickeymel9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boys need a good manly role model in their lives to help shape them into a decent man. A woman alone can't teach a boy how to become a good man, sorry, we don't know how to be a good man. Your son is not close to his bio Dad, and yet he is to this other man who you chose to bring into his life. Now you feel differently, and you are going to yank the only father figure your son has in his life away. YES YOU ARE BEING SELFISH.
2007-10-13 03:35:27 · answer #4 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋