My ex had the nerve to end it even though I found out afterwards that he cheated on me by kissing someone else while we were out in a bar. He sneaked off to do it and said they were just talking. Anyway we were together for a year and a half and am finding it hard to move on. It's only been two weeks. We were going to stay friends but that didn't work out cos we ended up fighting and saying nasty things. I have turned into a stalker, sending lots of texts to him. He changed his number so now I text all his friends and family to try and get his new number. That is so bad I know and I am acting like the kind of person I hate but I just can't seem to let go even though I know it's totally over.
Any advice please!!!!!
2007-10-13 01:56:30 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Can I just add something. There have been some great answers here and thanks for that but all of my friends were mainly his friends and I have lost them too. I am totally isolated. Have friends at work but don't see them outside of work so having fun isn't much of an option.
I mainly sit and get drunk by myself every night...then start texting.
2007-10-13 02:07:33 · update #1
You didn't get a chance to do what you would have wanted to do: you didn't get the opportunity to finish with him, he finished with you. First he kissed someone else and then he ditched you. Ouch and double ouch. So, you're angry because you didn't get the chance to finish with him, which, somewhere inside you, you think was your right.
Then, having chosen to remain friends with a man who has kissed someone else and then finished with you, all that anger spills out - anger at being hurt, betrayed, lied to, and then dumped.
Then, because you're not getting what you want - a reasonable explanation, or him to come back, or whatever reason you're giving yourself that will make this "right" for you, you then harass him, hoping that he'll give you whatever this mythical "something" is.
How about this? He can't give you what you want - nothing he can say or do changes the facts. You are really hurt right now and you need space and time to heal. You both need time away from each other to cool down.
He, for whatever his reasons were, decided to kiss someone else and end with you. This doesn't make you any less of a person, although it feels like that.
You've lost your social group, and you are beginning to alienate other people with this harassing behaviour. Everyone knows you're upset with him and you're hurt.
All you can do is get that hurt out in a better way. Write him letters, as many as you want. And then BURN THEM.
Next time you get drunk and want to text his friends and family - write the text and then make yourself WAIT to send it. Wait an hour or so. Think about what you are doing. It hasn't worked for you doing this so far, so it isn't going to work now, is it? So, wait and then delete that text as well.
It will take time, but you will get over this guy.
Good luck.
2007-10-13 03:59:08 · answer #1 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sucks doesn't it? I am you, but 1 year further on (and it was a 13 year marriage with 2 kids!).
Firstly, he did this to you so he is not the right person for you. You deserve someone better.
Secondly, all those numbers you text when you've had a few? Delete them off your phone - I did this and it's very therapeutic.
Thirdly, you have low self esteem... very difficult to get motivated when you feel like this but you need to be thinking that he will not beat you. Time to ditch the drinking (don't buy any more) and get healthy... go for a run and do weights instead so you are gorgeous for Mr Right.
Lastly, get out there and join a club, evening class, dating website ... whatever but go and meet a few people and get some new friends.
I really hope you feel better soon. Time really does help heal.
Good luck x
2007-10-13 22:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by Tigger B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor you. As you say, it's only two weeks so you are still feeling very raw at the moment and that's why you are acting so compulsively. You MUST completely cut him off though. Don't text, don't call, don't think about him. Hard I know, but everytime you get the urge to phone/text/think of him, deliberately think of something else and DO something else to occupy you until the urge goes away. The longer you do this avoidance action, the easier it will become. DON'T try and remain friends because he's no friend to you and don't go stalking his family and friends or you'll end up in Court. Just remember....HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO DESERVE YOU AS A FRIEND. Avoid all thoughts of him and move on. You can do it. Good luck
2007-10-13 02:11:12 · answer #3 · answered by chris n 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
It is difficult when a relationship ends especially when they betrayed you and you stood by them... only for them to turn around and stamp on your heart all over again.
It hurts more when you still have feelings for that person - it never easy to turn love on and off just like a switch.
However, I am sure you know deep down that this relationship isn't going to work. Reasons being is that he has obviously moved on with his life and doesn't want to be with you as he has little or no respect for you by cheating on you in the first place.
If this relationship was a really happy one he wouldn't have dreamt of cheating on you.
You really do need to let him go - I know it hard but the more you are chasing him and the more you end up doing the 'stalker' phrase, the more you make him want to cut you out and the more you risk the chance of losing any hope of friendship between you.
Also by texting him and bombarding him with calls and messages, the more you are allowing him to know that you can not handle life without him. If he really is the lowest of the low, he will use your pain to his advantage by getting a big ego boost or using you as he knows you will still be there, forgiving him for everything.
I know you would probably take him back in a shot because of the love you have for him, but it really isn't enough is it? You deserve a partner who will love and respect you and this is lacking in this relationship.
You would never be able to fully trust him again and that would cause issues and you would feel like second best.
Stop making yourself out to be a doormat and desperate - I know life is hard for you at the moment but you do need to put closure on this and move on.
There will another lovely guy out there for you ... you just need time to concentrate on Number 1 which is yourself.
All the best!
Lx
2007-10-13 02:08:48 · answer #4 · answered by SunshineApple 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you have to move on take the bull by the horns and join some sport club or something like that.believe me doing what you are doing is not good.channel your enegy into something constructive other than him.i was with a guy for five years and it turned out that he had been cheating the whole time not just kissing either with different women.lots and lots.the indignity was enough for me to turn my life around with out him and guess what i'm still here!i put him out of mind like you would a dead rat.think about the lies and deceit not the good times and you will soon recover.life goes on wether you are hurt or not,he is not worried is he,about wot u are doing every night so stuff him.show him you are made of sterner stuff get out there with you're face on and let him see wot he is missing this new tower of strength.good luck
2007-10-13 22:59:59 · answer #5 · answered by kennedy537@btinternet.com 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This attitude is not going to get you any where, and definitely not in your ex's good books.
You may find yourself served with a restraining order and a file for harassment.
Time to get your acts together. You just don't have a choice; You have to do it.
As you say, you are behaving like the type of person you hate and nobody likes anyway.
So, you have the power to stop that; Stop it today. Get a grip of yourself NOW.
You have lost a cheating ex, you don't want to lose your self-respect as well. Nobody's worth that.
Hugs.xxxxxxx
2007-10-13 02:19:17 · answer #6 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look, I know you are hurting, but you are a smart guy in charge of your own feelings so stop acting like a nutcases no matter what.
Also, find something to do with your time that does not involve any romance. Do something for you. Take the time you would spend wasting precious moments of your life on misery and do something good with it. Take a music lesson, go to pottery class, take up yoga or martial arts. Dump the bad feelings somewhere doing something healthy. You deserve to treat yourself better. Get out and find some new friends. Go to the gym, the bar, or wherever, but stop this self-pity destructive behavior.
It is normal to feel bad. It is normal to mourn. It is not normal to not take responsibility for our own actions. You know you are out of control. Drop it and find something positive to do while you heal. Do nice things for yourself. Stop talking about him, worrying about him, texting him, etc. Otherwise he is going to put a restraining order on you and you are going to go to jail. You have no right acting like an idiot. No excuses -- Cool it.
I wish you the best. Leave the guy alone. I am sorry to be harsh, but you need a wake-up call. It is not all about you. I am sorry you are feeling badly--I really am--but it doesn't give you the right to walk all over other people's rights or give you the excuse to go off the rail. Get yourself together and get a life. Get up and get out and go find something to do. What makes you happy outside of your relationship? Find out and get working on it. You can do it.
2007-10-13 02:10:37 · answer #7 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was with my ex for 20yrs when he cheated, hard at first, never thought i would get over him asked advice on this sitewhich really helped. went out got complete make over new hair style,clothes the lot gave me lot more confidence.now in a relationship (early stages)with younger guy very happy ,my ex what can i say no longer with the other women on his own sad and miserable begged me to take him back as the grass was not greener on the other side . i am happier than i have been in years and i'm sure you will be the same ,you will get over him will take time but you will come out on top and wonder why you ever had feelings for him good luck i wish you all the very best
2007-10-15 23:28:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's early days yet hunny.
A year and half with someone is not just a snippet of time, its going to take a while to recover. You've lost something important to you. Set yourself milestones. Make sure by this time next week, you have treated yourself a couple of times.. and set another milestone for the week after. Join that gym, go and get that jacket. Whatever it is. Look after NUMBER ONE. He is a cheat, you will soon realise he did you a favour by setting you free. Turn your phone OFF, and get control over yourself. Switch it off NOW please.
Good luck x
2007-10-13 06:41:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. remember that time will heal, wether its 1 week, 1 month, even 1 year. I have the same problem, im on my 2nd month, and im doing ok...
2. do not, i repeat, do not ttry to get his number!!
3. If he cheated on you once, he will do it again, so no point keeping the feeling, or want him to come back. Let him go!
4. Find something else to do to make you busy. Everything is in your head, help your self..
good luck, everyone have their own problem in live...
2007-10-13 02:05:50 · answer #10 · answered by matahari 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋