o.k., this will sound very egotistical, but here it comes. i have spent my life receiving massive amounts of attention from men, adored externally, but never really loved internally. i have dated 3 men in my life, married all three of them. 1st one ended up with a secret life, 2nd one turned out to be a sociopath, 3rd one turned out to be a pathological liar who was diagnosed recently as bipolar and is completely impotent. these are not exaggerations, but the truth. i'm trying to figure out if i'm so desperate for love that i take the first one that wants to marry me or if i have some deep seated self punishment wish or just horribly bad luck. i am currently separated from my impotent, bipolar, pathological liar husband and will be getting a divorce after 4.5 years of marriage. i don't want to overanalyze, but don't ever want to make these mistakes again...please don't give answers such as "why are you asking strangers when you need a counselor." i have a counselor.
2007-10-12 19:12:07 · 12 answers · asked by diamond heart 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
p.s. i had no earthly idea about any of these problems pre-marriage to any of them. dated all for 9 mos.-2 years. am i naive, in denial or just stupid?
2007-10-12 19:13:20 · update #1
it's so amazing how simple minded and inane some people are--attention whore, looney, ha! i've been accepted to 5 different law schools and have raised single-handedly raised 3 intelligent, well rounded children and have a very successful business. just wanted some feedback on my bad choices of men. point proven: there are more crazy people in the world than i realized.
2007-10-13 15:58:06 · update #2
I think the positive part of your story is that I am sure you will be able to recognize warning signs of potential issues. It seems to me we often see what we want to see, don't discuss the important issues, and close our eyes to little flaws that turn out to be full-blown personality disorders. I think there are a lot of screwed up people out there and that they all work hard to cover that up.
I do not think something is wrong with you unless you tolerate being mistreated, let your rights be taken from you, or stick around and let someone walk all over you.
If you are happy with you and where your life is with no man and have dreams and goals and things you love about you and your life, then you just had a bad run of men and will have to take it slow and see what happens next.
You sound smart, so look back on these relationships, thinking about the dating part especially and consider what clues you may have missed/minimized/ignored that you can watch out for in your future relationships. I don't think you have some hidden mental, psychological or emotional disorder that makes you choose bad men. I think it is just a learning curve. Do not marry your next date. Take LOTS of time and ask the good questions. After 3 marriages, you know what your needs are. Find someone who can meet them.
Good luck!
2007-10-12 19:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because society allow women to have plan B. That is, women can go get marry to a quality man or just blame your husband if she can't find such a man. Whereas men can't do the same, men have no other person to scapegoat.
2016-05-22 04:57:54 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're stupid, naive or in denial. I do think you lack insight into the reasons why you are attracted to unhealthy men. From a psychological standpoint, the reasons go back to your childhood and how you were treated by your parents. From a practical standpoint, find a counselor who can help you get to the bottom of these issues, and don't date again until you have a better handle on what's going on inside of you.
2007-10-12 19:18:06 · answer #3 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well speaking for myself I think you just ran into a spell of bad luck. Guys generally do fawn over women because of the mating thing, but that doesn't always mean that the most attentive is the best. You didn't state if you married these guys soon after you met them so I am kinda shooting into the dark with you and your problems.
2007-10-12 19:19:45 · answer #4 · answered by trusansno 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think your naive, like you said, and maybe just a bit needy in the companion department, maybe you just don't look hard enough at the guys your dating, you take for granted that they're all nice guys, you need to take your experiences and put them all together and look hard at them from the beginning and try to remember any signs of these behaviors that maybe you just didn't think twice about, and in your next relationship question yourself if these behaviors may be bigger later on, but don't compare them to a new man because then you may lose someone totally good, so you really have to be careful with your actions , just go in to your new relationship with your eyes wide open next time , im sure you probably just got very unlucky with these guys and im sorry you had to deal with such creeps. good luck in the future and be more alert to certain actions from men ok.
2007-10-12 19:46:40 · answer #5 · answered by Rºññèè 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen i know what ya mean going through that as we speak but was only married one time and for 12yrs. I have felt like I have done everything in my power to make things right for everyone in my life that I have been friends or in love with believe me it gets tiring. I am so tired of being the nice person to everyone and getting craped on in my life it feels like it never ends. one day you will get to a point to where ya just don't care anymore if people want to treat you like that then move on to the next.nice girls do not get anywhere that is what I have learned through the years well then maybe its time to change to a *****....start thinking like this you can be a ***** with out hurting anyone when you meet someone be flat out straight with them and if they done like your aditude well then they can move on. then maybe one day that right guy will come alone and you can let your gaurd back down. Good luck
2007-10-12 19:27:14 · answer #6 · answered by lspalletta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
I agree with whereRyou gal.
I'm sorry that your relationship have been substantial. However, getting out of bipolar pathological liar husband is probably a wise and safe choice. My advice would be to do something that you have always wanted to do, emerge yourself in that something and meditate... Find yourself, love yourself....
2007-10-12 19:37:37 · answer #7 · answered by Sara O 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've been married 3 times. That's more than a red flag: that's a great, big flashing neon sign that reads "Looney as Britney Spears".
2007-10-13 01:20:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
"I'm so desperate for love that I take the first one that wants to marry me." You said it yourself. Set higher standards.
2007-10-12 19:24:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Work on your self esteem.
2007-10-12 19:16:13 · answer #10 · answered by back from the dead 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋